- Girl, to be gay in the '40s?
No thank you.
- To be gay in your forties?
Tick-tock. (Katya laughs)
- To be gay in my forties on TikTok?
(Trixie laughs)
That's the real kiss of death.
(chimes tinkle) - Hi, it's me Trixie Mattel.
- And I'm Katya.
- And we are two queens who like to watch.
And today, we're watching "Ratched."
- Which is a fictional continuation of the nurse
from the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."
- Yes, it's a Ryan Murphy production
telling the origin story.
- The whore-igin story.
- Exactly.
(dramatic orchestral music)
Oh it's a fan request.
- Yeah, people have been literally like,
begging us to review this one.
- Well, okay.
What people in the comments want, they get.
- If you haven't watched any of the series,
please be aware that we will spoil
every single thing about it.
- All of it, honey. - Sweetie.
- Show me the period drama.
- What do you know about "Ratched?"
- Well, I know it's about a nurse.
So I brought this nurse Barbie for us.
- [Katya] Wow.
- Stunning, gorgeous, mama gorgina.
It's Sarah Paulson, so I'm hoping for some lesbianism?
- Absolutely.
- I'm hoping for her crying like this.
(Trixie moans)
She has that really committed ugly cry.
- Yes, she does.
(both moaning)
(dramatic music)
- [Trixie] Wow, cool car.
She looks fierce. - She looks great.
Work that mustard suit!
- Come through mustard suit, (bleep) peplum!
(bell dinging)
Hello, I'm a lesbian.
- Dr. Hanover hasn't technically hired me yet,
but I'm supposed to have a formal interview with him at 11,
as this letter clearly states.
- That's how we get this job at Netflix.
- [Katya] Yeah.
- I said listen, I have the new job
which is crossdressing and watching television.
Of course I haven't been hired yet.
What is this chic hospital
with the bamboo wheelchairs, bitch?
- Like the Cedar Sinai Guggenheim.
- Have a nice day.
- Oh, see that's me.
I would be hot if there wasn't something
horribly wrong with me.
- [Woman] Nurse Bucket?
- These are chic outfits, girl.
- I love the green.
- [Trixie] Shout out to the costume designers in this show.
- And the production designers.
- Oh my god. - It's so beautiful.
- Mildred Ratched.
- I didn't ask what your name was.
(Katya laughs)
Where did you get the letter?
- I love, love, love Judy Davis.
- He'll be gone some time.
- You just said he'd return in the afternoon.
- It could be longer.
- Well then it could be shorter.
- I love how people used to talk.
I'd like to experiment with lesbianism,
and perhaps dabble in cruelty?
(chimes tinkle)
We got a dingy hotel, we got Nurse Ratched here,
experimenting with other guests?
- Leaving notes.
Sexual notes.
- [Trixie] Are you married, no or yes?
- No, I'm not married.
- Is that consent back then?
- I guess so, yeah.
- I'm not married, so just do it?
- Just go ahead, have at it.
- [Trixie] Is this her sexy look?
- [Katya] Yeah, it's too much.
- I wanna get his engine going,
so I'm thinking full coverage blue satin?
- Yeah, multiple garments.
Layers.
- I've never done this before.
- I've never done this.
- I'm so scared.
- Are these my breasts?
You know what, let me put on 17 more layers,
just to be sure.
I don't wanna do this wrong. - Yeah.
- [Trixie] Is he hot?
- I would absolutely, and have (bleep) many men like him.
- That's not what I'm asking.
(Katya laughs)
See, whenever I ask you if someone's hot,
you say "I've (bleep) him, or I would (bleep) him,"
which could mean I (bleep) ugly dudes.
- Yes, no, I think he's hot.
- Let's pretend we're husband and wife,
who've just had a fight,
and then we'll get a divorce.
And then you'll die.
- This is how I think Sarah Paulson behaves all the time.
- Yes!
That's totally fair.
- This level of intensity, this level of state.
Her wife comes home, and she's like,
I was at Gelson's and I just could not
even find a parking spot.
Anyway, how was your day?
And Sarah Paulson's in the corner like.
- "I'm not sure it was a day."
- "I'd like to play a game."
- Yeah.
- "You couldn't find parking at the Gelson's."
Well, so she's a freak.
- He's like, I lost my boner like 10 minutes ago.
- At this point, I would've already walked out
when she said children.
- [Katya] Yeah.
(dramatic music)
- Work!
Nurses are chic.
- No.
(Katya laughs)
- Look at the material.
- I mean, okay, old timey nurses are.
- That's what I mean, old timey nurses.
Now, nurses scrubs, pajama pants?
- Not hippo scrubs and Crocs.
- I want the heel, can I get a nurse heel?
- You are going to spend the rest of your life in here,
because your family doesn't ever wanna see you again.
(Katya laughs)
- This is (bleep) me on Cameo, bitch.
I know that your friend Denise wanted you to think
that you were gonna have a happy birthday,
but you're gonna spend your life in here.
- But there is a letter opener on Dr. Hanover's desk.
- I am so stupid.
When I first watched this, I remember thinking
when she said there was a letter opener I was like,
what does this have to do with the mail?
(Trixie laughs)
(Trixie gasps) (Katya groans)
- No!
My letter opener!
- Yeah!
- When you have a moment with the governor after his speech,
you tell him you've offered me a position here.
- She stays getting promoted.
- [Nurse] Here's Dr. Hanover.
- This is the time where like,
the lobotomy's coming into fashion.
- Oh god. - Yeah.
They would take a (bleep) ice pick,
hammer it through your orbital lobe.
- Why, though?
- Because they felt like if they pierced a portion
of the frontal lobe, it would dull
certain behavioral tendencies-
- Did it work? - Like lesbianism.
They're like it helps with anxiety, pet dander,
magazine subscriptions, in-laws, yeah.
- And it was probably sold like, are you sad?
- Yeah, are you too happy?
- They're doing colonics?
- Colonics. - Okay.
(Katya laughs)
Now I can get into that.
- Back on board.
- Listen, I'll take the ice pick in the eye
if I can get a colonic.
(Katya laughs)
Now throw me an eyeball, and I'm in heaven.
(dramatic music) (people gasping)
- A reminder that these are-
- This is crazy!
- This is not 1642.
- Nurse Ratched, if you could quickly attend to our guest-
- She's like, oh that's right, I said I was a nurse.
- Yes.
- (bleep) uh, splash him with water, I don't know.
(chimes tinkle)
I hate people.
I guess if they thought they were helping.
- Well, they thought lesbianism was like, kleptomania.
- That's not even that bad either!
Stealing?
This is how you cure someone's kleptomania.
Anything you can take from me, you can have.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then there's no thrill for them,
and they won't steal from you.
- Is that it? - Yes.
- What about a pyromaniac?
- I have no way of knowing any of that.
I've never stolen anything.
- Are you a psychologist?
- Well.
- Excuse me.
You're eating my peach.
- So, we're going to see a tense scene
between Bucket and Ratched that really
ratchets up the tension between their rivalry.
- Miss Bucket?
- Nurse Bucket.
- Related to Charlie?
- No, Baga Chipz.
(both laugh)
- It's my peach, I brought it here.
- And I bought it here.
(Katya laughs)
- This is you trying to (bleep) with me.
- Yeah, this is me at the DMV.
This is a driver's license.
What does it mean to drive?
Do I have to walk out of here, who are you?
(both laugh)
- It's a peach in my mouth.
- I'm not sure how I'm even meant to do this.
- Get ready to dive into the bulldagger fantasy
of the most lesbian thing you'll ever see in your life.
- I'm ready, show me the lesbians.
Come on, lesbians. (Trixie claps)
- Oh this is so- - Let's go lesbians, let's go!
- A few drops of lemon.
- [Trixie] I hate those.
- It's dis, they're disgusting.
- It's so disgusting.
- [Katya] They're slimy, and-
- Slurping (bleep) out of a shell?
- Yeah, it's so gross.
- And then you just let it slide into your mouth.
It's like making love to the ocean.
- I'm not sure how to eat this.
Well, it's a lot like going down on a woman.
Ew!
- Now swallow.
(Katya laughs)
- I think the fact that it's still alive as you eat it.
- Here.
- This got the rated R rating.
- It might've been alive when I found it.
- Not when I'm done with it.
- Not when I'm done with it. (Katya laughs)
Now if you're a woman who likes women
and you're at home right now,
and you aren't four fingers in.
- Yeah, I know.
- Go back, watch it again. - Yeah.
- Lesbianism is fine with me.
- I mean, it's so-
- Eating oysters is sick to me.
I mean listen, this is like the '40s, right?
It's not like you could come out and even flirt with people.
This was explicit.
That was a porn film at the time.
- That was an NC-17, yeah.
- Porn was eating oysters.
Now they're like PNP, anonymous dad load!
- Loads in my hole all-
- Yeah, door open, ass up!
- Tell me what you remember, Father.
- After the murder, there's one priest
that survives the massacre,
and Nurse Ratched is going to interview him
to see what he remembers.
- That's when I saw his face.
(dramatic music)
- [Trixie] Oh my gosh.
- Finish your tea, Father.
- I'm not victim blaming,
don't drink the tea from a stranger, hello!
- When someone encourages you to drink tea that's just tea,
I'll be like, I'll drink it on my own.
- Thank you.
She's like, oh, how am I gonna get this up his ass?
(Katya laughs)
Is it an eye, is it an eye?
- God bless you, Father.
(Trixie screams)
- Mother, is that you? - Look at (gasps) cream!
- Cream on cream on cream on cream on ivory.
- It's so beautiful.
- Oysters Rockefeller.
(Trixie gasps)
- Oh my god!
- Oh no, he sawed them off himself.
- But he could (bleep) me with that nub, bitch.
Shove your arm up my ass!
All right, so now we're gonna find out
where the kid's legs and arms went.
- Shout out to all those who do-
- Psychedelics? - Psychedelics, yeah.
- 20 micrograms for both of us.
- Bam. (Trixie gasps)
- They gave it all to him?
- Yeah.
That's a lot.
- [Trixie] How much did you take, one drop?
- If you take a drop, and things go woo,
imagine what a bottle's gonna do.
Girl!
(eerie music)
- Me on .5 milligram gummy.
- Yeah you. - This is this.
(man screaming) (Trixie gasps)
Never remove your arm, unless you have
another arm underneath it, honey.
Oh my god!
You know why this happened? - Why?
- His mother, Lori Loughlin,
(Katya laughs)
paid for him to go to medical school.
Is it hard to be a fake doctor?
- I don't think so.
- There was no internet or nothing, no computers,
so you could just move to a new city and say hi,
my name's Kelsey, or whatever.
- Yeah, if you had a clean suit and like a glassy eye,
you'd be like, I'm Dr. John Johnson
of the Johnson and Johnson School of Johnson Doctors.
- That's how John Hopkins got started.
(chimes tinkle)
This nurse is in love with
the suspected murderer, the murderer.
- He's hot.
- But that murderer is Mildred's brother,
so Mildred arranges a conjugal visit
for the nurse and the patient.
Not exactly ethical.
- Not exactly ethical, but very sexual.
- Sexual and fun, yeah.
(chains rattle)
I don't want to be damaged.
- Too late?
- I would love to have sex with a murderer like that.
Is that horrible?
- Well, he killed priests, not women.
- They're priests, they went to heaven.
- You trust me with them off?
- That excites me.
- Okay, when he wears a tight white T-shirt,
he looks like classic American sex sexy.
- [Katya] Yeah.
- When I wear a tight white T-shirt?
I look like a sack of flour, bitch.
- And snapped your pretty little neck like a twig.
- Is this supposed to turn me on?
- Yeah. - 'Cause it's working.
- This is very Lana Del Rey.
I don't like that.
- You don't like murder?
- No, I don't like murder, I don't like pain, I don't like-
- Vanilla.
(chimes tinkle)
- Does she speak to you, or to other people?
- The next character to the stage
is the most incredible patient.
She has multiple personalities.
(woman sobs)
- Ma, mommy?
- Me in a relationship.
- I was gonna say that.
- Me in a relationship switching moods.
- Switching moods.
- Switching energies, switching vibes.
- Get your hands off of me!
Don't you know?
- When they say I have to work two more hours.
- When they say you have to do the job
you said you would do.
- Yeah.
- We're gonna finish this thing right here, and now!
- That's giving me some flashbacks
to some times in our lives.
- It's me, yeah.
Listen, sometimes you get confused
and you got a lot of energy.
What are you doing, Mussolini?
I didn't order no grapes.
- Don't worry, we have an ice pick
with your name on it, girl.
- Actually, we've got three.
(chimes tinkle)
(somber music)
Star-crossed lovers are gonna use the spring formal
at the hospital to make their, you know,
their great escape in.
What could possibly go wrong?
- What could go wrong?
Nothing violent in this Ryan Murphy program could happen.
Oh no.
He's so hot. - Yeah, he's hot.
- Oh my god!
(gun fires) Oh my god, in the breast!
What a psycho. - Yeah.
- You didn't have to kill her!
- Well, listen, when your crazy boyfriend is saying
you didn't have to shoot her,
you might've crossed the line.
- Yeah.
- He's a murderer, and he's like,
I thought that was over the line.
- [Katya] Yeah.
- How's about a little lovin' before we hit the-
- All right, so we have the lovely murdering couple
hiding out in a barn.
- [Katya] Have you ever made love to a man in a barn?
- No, but I would!
- Yeah.
- [Cop] Drop your weapon, we have you surrounded!
(Trixie gasps)
- Turn around, turn around.
Let me turn myself in, baby.
- No!
No, I won't let you!
- No, I would let him.
(Katya laughs)
- Okay, yeah.
- She's gonna come out shooting.
(guns firing)
I mean, what were you thinking?
- Poor decision making.
- No (bleep) is that good.
- No (bleep) is that good, ever.
- Have you ever had (bleep) so good
that you would come shooting out of a barn?
- Let me tell you, not one time ever in my life.
- 'Cause you know what, I respect the (bleep),
but not as much as I respect myself.
- A (bleep) is a (bleep).
All it does it get hard and soft.
It's not a magic wand.
- Not to mention, girl, hot people
are walking into your life every day.
Find one that's not crazy.
- Yeah. - Psycho.
(chimes tinkle)
All right, so Dr. Hanover's been found out.
He's been asked to leave,
and on his way out he's trying to take Charlotte,
the woman with multiple personalities, with him.
- 'Cause he does in his heart
feel like he's gonna, you know, he's gonna help.
- He better hope one of her personalities is an attorney.
(Katya laughs)
(horror music)
- You're shit.
You know, doctor-
- When people try to wake me up from my nap.
- Totally.
She's about to snap on him.
- [Katya] She is going to pop off.
- You ain't foolin' nobody!
- Oh my god!
- Adolf!
(intense music)
- You know what, you're a doctor.
- Yeah, you don't (bleep) with Ondine Duquette.
- She played with the Boston Pops.
- She trick-or-treated for three days' straight.
- Where are you?
- Oh god. - Yeah.
- I was first chair violin
of the London Symphony Orchestra, you shit!
- This is me talking about my Streamy.
- I know.
- Me talking about my YouTube,
me talking about my YouTube channel.
- I had a trending video last week.
- All right, so Charlotte makes it back to the hospital.
Now she's taken on a new personality.
- Dr. Hanover, and funny fact,
she's probably more qualified of a doctor than he is, yeah.
- Thank you.
- What was Mildred gonna do with me?
- She was going to euthanize you.
- Aww. - I think that's sweet.
Yeah, yeah.
- Get in the Great Gatsby car, we're getting out of here.
If I was on the run for murder?
Horseback. - Edsel.
(Katya laughs)
- Horseback.
Or public transit!
- Yeah, yeah, the good ol' bus.
- [Trixie] Ratched showing up to ruin more lives.
- [Katya] Yeah.
- Oh, hello.
Fierce!
(chimes tinkle)
Love it.
- It's the splashy, gay soap opera.
- Yeah.
- It's a gay horror soap opera.
The only thing is I don't understand why,
we don't have to do the Ratched thing.
- Well, that's her name.
- I know, but why?
You are a scheming, scamming mystery woman.
- Yeah.
- Ratched?
- Well, Bucket was taken.
(both laugh)
If I was trying to be a snakey nurse,
I'd be like, Miss Swenson.
I'd pick something a little unassuming.
- Yeah, or like Nurse Smith.
- Well, this show has everything.
- Our fans begged us to watch this, because the wigs.
- The costumes! - The costumes.
- The hats, the cars, Sharon Stone.
- Sharon Stone, oysters.
- [Both] Peaches!
- Stealing, lying, women named Bucket.
It's spooky.
- It's spooky, it's ooky, and it's very, very kooky.
- There's moments where you just are like (gasps)
and then our people who watch this go,
I wanna see what the crossdressers think about that.
I'm thrilled there's gonna be
a second season, 'cause I have questions.
So, enjoy "Ratched" on Netflix.
- What a great idea.
(both laugh)