Hey, it's summertime.
I don't know if you can believe it is.
But it's summertime.
It's so nice out.
I see everybody outside.
They're playing tennis.
And they're walking their dogs.
And they're riding tandem bikes.
It's like we're all living in one big Viagra commercial.
It's really--
[LAUGHTER]
--it's great.
Hey, it's been a while since we've had a real summer.
Last year, if you wanted summer, you
had to turn the thermostat up in your house.
Or you had to get drunk and pretend
your kid's sandbox was a beach.
So since it's been that long, I thought
I would give everyone some tips on how
to enjoy your first summer after quarantine.
Tip number one, don't take any tips from a talk show host.
[LAUGHTER]
Tip number two, you've been inside so long,
wear lots of sunblock everywhere--
not everywhere, not where--
[LAUGHTER]
You don't have to put it where the sun don't shine.
But you should put some, even if you're
wearing a mask on your face.
Otherwise your sunburn is going to look like this.
[VIDEO PLAYBACK]
- Michael, you're never going to be
able to go outside without a mask ever again.
[LAUGHTER]
It's so bad.
[END PLAYBACK]
Michael.
He was wearing SPF N95 sunscreen.
[LAUGHTER]
Tip number three, it's not a requirement,
but you might want to think about shaving your legs
for the first time in a year--
if you're a woman.
[LAUGHTER]
Here's the thing.
During quarantine, a lot of you put focus
on giving yourselves up some upper, like, bad haircuts.
And meanwhile, the bottom half looks like Bigfoot.
[LAUGHTER]
No, sir.
That's not a bad haircut.
I saw you pointing to yourself.
That's a good haircut.
[LAUGHTER]
Yes, you.
I know.
Tip number four, you've got to drink.
And I don't mean alcohol because we've already
done that all year long.
I'm talking about water.
You're out in the heat.
You need to keep hydrated, or else you get dehydrated.
And I know it sounds obvious, but the most
water you've had all year is melted
ice in your breakfast burrito--
[LAUGHTER]
I'm going to try that joke again.
Yeah, all right.
Hey, I know it sounds obvious.
But the most water you've had all year
is the melted ice in your breakfast margarita.
[LAUGHTER]
Because you don't have melted ice in your burrito.
[LAUGHTER]
Unless you do, and if you do, good for you.
[LAUGHTER]
Tip number five, don't worry about the big swimsuit trends
this summer.
I know you've been out of the loop for a while.
It's OK.
I've got an idea that I think you might really enjoy
and you're welcome to use.
Here's a picture of me.
I recycled my face masks.
[LAUGHTER]
Mmm-hmm.
It's safe and sexy.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I forget what vacation that was on.
[LAUGHTER]
If you're a guy, I also made one for men.
Look at that.
[LAUGHTER]
Nothing average about that Andy.
[LAUGHTER]
I hope that helps.
And if it didn't, at least we got to see Andy in a Speedo.