is your food guilty of stomach slaughter
let's talk about that
[Music]
good mythical morning I believe it was
Thomas Jefferson that said today's
episode of GMM is gonna be totes lit AF
mm-hmm that's right we're gonna be
rewriting and severely shortening some
popular songs links gonna be censoring
people living their best life and we're
fixing fast-food slogans with Jax film
check but first there's bad food and
then there's food so bad it needs to be
locked up Bret and I argue which is
which as we head to food court all
rights for Honorable Judge jacksFilms
there he is gentlemen this is how food
court will proceed you will each be
given a terrible food your job is to
convince me that your food is better
than your opponent's food now if I
choose your food I will eat it the loser
will have to eat his food as punishment
this is real this is getting real now
now hold on hold on we're throwing in a
wrench here you may each get one sidebar
okay not per round per the entire food
court you get one sidebar meaning you
can request to add one topping to make
your food taste better and to make but
it's like a baked potato so yeah we've
got some ranch onions China legal sighs
okay when did I say you could talk in my
food court sorry you may only do this
once per court session got it gentlemen
our first case is a two-day-old chalupa
versus a 2-day old egg roll
a counselor Rhett you may begin
ah the two-day-old chalupa everybody
knows that Taco Bell
every item at Taco Bell is just the same
things rearranged to make the same
flavor so two days gives it all time to
congeal so that you get Taco Bell and
every bite and did you know that chalupa
translated to English literally means
wait two days before enjoying for best
enjoyment objection that is my argument
he doesn't know Spanish I know that all
right
all right bailiff he used the word
congeal that doesn't that doesn't sound
very appetizing
don't use congeal I mean he know he can
I just it's just not great for his
argument might as well would have said
moist thank you it's one of the it's on
that list of cash should be moist
congeal anywho counselor link I believe
it is your turn present your case judge
you like Chinese food right who doesn't
and you know what makes Chinese food
better eating it later as what leftovers
that's what mmm and you know two days
I'm smelling this right now and I can
tell you just by scent alone and touch
and yes yeah you'll have to eat it even
though I've touched it mmm leftovers of
leftovers are even better when they're
Chinese
leftovers and they're certainly better
than anything even fresh at the Taco
Bell objection he has pleated pants
sustained those pants have gotta go all
right take your seat
take your seat counselor I rest my case
Judge Jack I will I rested it for you
but bailiff what do you think well
gentlemen you each make compelling cases
however counselor link you did touch the
egg roll so I believe I will give this
one to counselor Rhett and his chalupa
bring up your chalupa please I'm gonna
put my mouth where my argument was you
know what I'm sure this is great it's
just very soggy on the bottom may I be
frank
I'm just in a chalupa mood oh you're
argumented I did leave squat to do like
you're already gonna lose yeah well not
a soggy nice and congealed huh mmm why
that word
[Laughter]
order harder in my food court thank you
gentlemen
next up we have pigs feet vs. frogs legs
counselor link you are up first
oh goodness yes mmm that smells great
boy does it look great
consider one of the most famous beloved
characters of all time
Kermit the Frog aye
[Music]
where are you going with this yeah well
here's what I got to tell you if a
character as universally beloved as
Kermit the frog's legs were available
for consumption
yeah and newsflash they are
sir you would be a monster to not enjoy
them I'm not sure I follow your argument
well they it just tastes like chicken I
mean it's basically chicken dude order
order
webbed feet on the end of a chicken leg
that's all this is so this is not as
much of a limb as you think you might be
going out on and there's plenty to
choose from
take it take your seat with that pun
that was a terrible pun I didn't even
have an airport
sit down that wasn't intentional sit
down sir I'm sorry I'm sorry that got so
ugly
yeah I only break out the gavel when I
feel like it and councillor Bret
rebuttal you know what they say I don't
see get feet got the best meat right I
guess I did hear that Plus Pig is bacon
and defeat at the foundation of a pig so
this is like the foundation of bacon
it's like making foundation like a group
that you want to join something that you
want to be a part of and if that's not
enough to do it for you think of all the
wonderful flavors that have been stepped
on and absorbed by these creating an
immaculate bite and every bite
they look purple purple or you must you
must say objection first objection
sustained have you seen those I'm
looking at them yeah yes they smell
great they'll taste great all right all
right sit down
sit down I've had enough bailiff what's
your gut tell you
all right I've made my decision although
both of you fine young gentlemen
presented reasonably good arguments you
lost me the moment you said you started
bringing up all the things those feet
have stepped on and I just can't stomach
it so counselor link this is yours this
is your victory and those are my legs
[Music]
just not there's not a lot to enjoy it's
like bone that tastes like chicken it
does not this round herring in a hair
ring versus hot pockets counselor Rhett
you may begin
herring is the delicacy to the people of
the Netherlands do you really want to
make those people feel like animals by
refusing their food and hair you know is
a delicacy of cats do you really want to
make cats feel like animals for refusing
their food think about it Plus herring
in a hair ring that's hilarious good
will and you are what you eat you want
to be even more hilarious than you
already are judge objections sucking up
is not a good look for our brand
overruled
I like sucking up that's right well you
can suck this up all you want because I
want to request a sidebar to sweeten the
deal
you may proceed to the sidebar you like
ranch it's okay you like sour cream more
you want me to use the ranch spoon in
the sour cream because that because I
only got one oh my god I don't think
there's an option B yes that's more like
you oh that's definitely making it
better
that's my case yep yep councilman link I
would say it is your turn but I do not
see any dish before you may I approach
the bench you may judge Jack I am a but
a simple man
simple means with not many places to
carry my simple food items I'm intrigued
but I got two places let me just gather
up take your time those pleats are
coming in handy there we go
two pockets full of hotness
yeah I've got got some ham and some
cheese and up there's a dime I got some
lint and look there's a nickel so I hope
you don't consider this a bribe but you
do get to keep the money when you eat my
hot pockets and I'd like to sidebar dear
God please use them all use as many as
you wish a little bit of ranch
[Music]
yeah you don't have to make eye contact
a little bit sour cream and this one
just a little bit I like that that's
that's smart
get it in there even it out that's
someone Pleasant we got some bacon bits
yes she do
I rest my case
yes you do nothing but cheese and ham
and toppings in my pockets with a little
bit of lint and some pocket change truly
some bang for your buck if nothing else
I will say that my legs are so warm my
thighs are so hot I don't think you're
helping yourself you know just keep
continue just keep talking alright for
this third and final case you both gave
very good arguments for very awful
dishes however I'm going to have to go
with Tourette yes because otherwise I'd
have to dig in your pockets to eat yours
and there's no argument that could save
that that would be the worst part
digging there right there are many bad
parts yeah see yours I believe you must
dig into your own pockets and grab a
real bite of that ham cheese lint nickel
oh good lord
well Cheers ah this is good Oh some was
falling out okay all right I'll just
slather it in there that doesn't look
pleasant either hey not bad huh the sour
cream really comes through the judge has
retreated I don't think he's never gonna
come back this bench
once more hmm very yeah look at seconds
anymore have all you want judge oh my
god you know we both got a little extra
fiber in our diet today Jack think one
way or another wait there yes that's a
good sport judge you did it Cheers
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