One of the unfortunate downsides of making positive changes
is that people around you sometimes get negative.
It happens with people beginning new fitness regimens.
It happens with people starting new businesses
and it certainly happens with people who follow tips
on this channel to become more charismatic ó
as they say, haters gonna hate.
In this video, you're going to discover five tips
to put haters in their place when they start chirping.
First, when people start hating, ignore it.
You don't have to laugh at their point of jokes,
you don't have to defend yourself or respond,
and you don't even have to look at them.
Being ignored is one of the most powerful negative reinforcers
and is often enough to get people
to immediately change their behavior.
If you're one-on-one,
you can just let an awkward silence sit
and if you're in a group,
just go right on talking to someone else who isn't hating.
People who are critical are usually looking for some kind of reaction
and when you ignore them, they're likely to drop it.
Second, when haters are passive-aggressive,
act as if they're being genuine.
So when you hear, "Nice sweater, bro,"
respond, "Thanks. I'm glad you like it."
This can be confusing and it forces the person hating
to actually say what they mean or to back down.
Either way, you will not have to deal with passive-aggression.
Third, this very special brand of passive-aggressiveness called
I could never do that ó
you tell someone that you're living off of ramen
on your quest to save enough money to move to Nashville
and hit it big in the country music scene
and a reply saying, "Well, I could never live like that,"
or you tell them your new fitness plan that cuts out all sugars
and they say, "Well, I could never do that,"
and then they look at you like you're crazy.
Your response should be simple.
This ó "it's a good thing that you make decisions for you
and I get to make decisions for me
because if the roles were reversed,
it sounds like we both be really unhappy."
Go back off immediately.
Fourth, when the criticism is coming from people close to you,
a bit of vulnerability can go a long way.
Resistance is what compels most haters to continue.
They'll tell you that you'll never be able to make it.
You say that you will for these reasons
and then they tell you why those reasons aren't good enough.
The cycle continues as long as the disagreement is about the facts
but if instead of arguing the facts,
you share your values and your real concerns,
you're likely to have more success.
So when someone close to you says,
"Your business is going to fail,"
respond telling them that, "Yes, it might not work out
but I love what I'm doing and I'm learning a lot."
Or when they say you should quit pursuing your goal
as becoming more confident
because it's not something they think you can learn,
reply, "Confidence doesn't always come naturally to me
so I have to work on it.
But I have seen some improvements
and it had a really positive effect on how I feel.
So I'm going to keep going."
People tend not to attack
when you let them know the emotional reasons
that you're working on something.
Fifth, find a community.
A lot of the hate that we deal with
comes from people close to us
who don't want us to change.
They're invested in us staying the same
even if it comes at the expense of our happiness and growth.
So to limit the pushback you receive,
find groups that are into what you're into.
Go hang out with illustrators who like to draw comics
or want-to-be comedians who practice improv at a local club.
There's a group for almost everything
and you can find it if you google
your town plus the activity that you're into.
Meetup.com is also great for finding your tribe.
So there you have it,
five tips for getting haters to disappear.
As you want to join a tribe
that is very pro self-improvement,
click the button here to subscribe to the channel.
You might even find some ways to improve
that you didn't know you were interested in.