- Welcome to story time with Pear.
Orange is out buying a new kazoo right now,
so, we shouldn't have any unwelcome interruptions
as we read the story of "The Three Little Pigs."
Ahem. Once upon a time...
- Orange discovered online shipping
and bought a kazoo from home! Woohoo!
(buzzing kazoo)
- No!
- Sorry Pear, but this orange is round in shape,
and 'round the kitchen! (laughs)
Ooh! "The Three Little Pigs"?
I love telling this story!
Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?
- Ugh, fine. Just tell it the way it's written,
though, okay.
- Woop! Not a chance! (laughs)
I got this, straight off the dome, yo!
Once upon there were three little pigs,
and each of these pigs had a little piggy house
to help keep them safe from a big, bad worm.
(growling)
- [Pear] No, it's not a worm! It's a wolf!
(whines)
- [Orange] wolf, right, sorry, I read that wrong.
- You aren't reading anything!
- (laughs)
So, the piggies find out wolf is comin',
and they all run to their houses.
The first little pig,
he built his house out of boogers.
(screeching)
- [Pear] Excuse me?
- I'm sorry, I know you prefer
the French pronunciation: boo-gairs.
- It's not the pronunciation I have issues with,
dude, the first little pig made
his house out of straw.
- Oh, well in my version he uses a straw,
that's how he gets the boogers
that are way in there, ya know? (laughs)
- [Pear] Ugh!
- [Orange] So the wolf's all like,
booger pig, booger pig, let me come in!
And the booger pig's like,
not by the bouger on my chinny-chin-chin.
And the wolf's like whatevs. That's fine.
I'll just huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house up!
- [Pear] What?
- [Orange] And he did! That booger house
went up like a torch!
People three states over were
getting bits of boogers falling in their soup
like crazy! (laughs)
- Orange!
- Okay, okay. I'll move on.
So, the wolf went to the second pig's house.
Now, this pig built his house
- [Pear] Out of sticks!
- [Orange] No, actually, he built it
way better than that, second pigs built his house
to code and adhered to the OSHA regulations.
- [Pear] Oh, wow, okay, didn't expect that.
- [Orange] And let me tell ya, neither did the wolf!
He showed up and was really impressed by
the quality siding OSHA pig used.
So, naturally wolf wanted to get the name of
OSHA pig's general contactor, so he said,
OSHA pig, OSHA pig, let me come in,
and OSHA pig like,
not by the hair on my shinny-shin-shingles! (laughs)
- [Pear] Oh, brother.
- [Orange] Then the wolf goes,
then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house up!
- [Pear] And let me guess, it didn't work
'cause the house was well built and up to code?
- [Orange] Not even close! Wolf used a ton of TNT!
That house gone, baby, gone! (laughs)
(shattering)
- [Pear] Orange! The whole moral of this story
is how taking your time,
and building a proper house pays off in the end!
- Jeez Pear, there's still a third pig
we haven't even talked about yet, lemme finish!
- Ay, I guess you're right, okay, go ahead.
- Thank you!
Anyhoosies, the wolf goes to the third pig's house.
Can you guess what his house was made of?
- [Pear] Well, in the book it's bricks.
- [Orange] Well, in my mind it's Bruce Willises!
- [Pear] It's actually, I'm sorry, the pig's house
is made out of Bruce Willis, the actor?
- Yep, a whole bunch of them!
- This makes no sense!
- It makes sixth sense if you ask me! (laughs)
- Ugh! This better be going somewhere, Orange.
- [Orange] So the wolf's like little pig, little pig.
And the Bruce Willis pig cuts him off all like,
look, we all know where this is going,
not by the Brucy on my Willy-Will-Willis.
Just go ahead and blow up my house, m'kay?
And the wolf's like, you asked for it, here it comes!
- [Pear] And?
- [Orange] And he does, duh.
He blows up the house!
- [Pear] The final house blows up?
That's not how it's supposed to end.
- Pear, you don't understand!
Imagine all those Bruce Willises flying through the air,
riding the blast wave like crazy!
Have you ever imagined such a thing?
- I can safely say I have not!
(shattering and screaming)
- [Orange] Well imagine it, darn it!
Bruce Willises flying everywhere! Riding the waves!
Looking super tough!
Falling into people's soup bowls three states over!
(laughs)
- [Pear] Okay, I imagined it.
So, what's the moral of the story?
- The moral is, explosions are awesome! (laughs)
(boom)
- [Pear] (screaming)
- [Orange] (laughs) The end!
(upbeat music)