“Does your wife laugh when you practice your jokes,
comedy acts with her?”
No, next question.
“If you could wake up tomorrow
having gained any one quality or ability
what would it be?”
Shamul here?
Uh, these are actually really good questions.
Um,
I would want the ability to make my bed with– like this.
It’d be amazing, like you know how you’re like,
“Should I make my bed?”
And you’re always debating it?
Do you make your bed every morning?
Every morning?
Right when you get up?
For real? Don’t– you’re lying, no, come on.
That’s such a first date lie.
“Of course I do, yes, of course I do.”
That’s being like, “Do you floss and use mouthwash every night?”
You’d be like, “Of course, yes.”
The way you’re like with your dentist like,
“Of course I do, I have amazing dental hygiene.”
For real, you do that?
Okay.
I appreciate that.
You’re like, “I make my bed every day, but I have gingivitis.”
“But, my bed is made every day.”
Um,
yeah, that would be that.
Or the ability to put, uh, fitted sheets on a bed
and duvet covers.
That’s a problem.
That’s always like, especially if you’re alone.
You have to like, do the Spider-Man, you lift up the car.
And then you have to have the strength to put the fitted sheet on.
Then when you’re doing the duvet or the pillowcases,
you put the pillows on the floor but the floor’s dusty.
My thing is why hasn’t Silicon Valley figured that out?
Elon’s trying to get us to space, fuck that.
Just –
Yeah, Silicon Valley, get the sheet,
you toss it and it just like [suction sound].
Like, you know what I mean, like
Spider-Man style it’ll just like attach and perfectly fit your bed.
What if this– what if we had an app
where
if you’re alone, a guy will come to your house–
Wait, hear me out, you’re shaking your head.
Okay, okay.
Someone you trust will come to your house.
They’ll lift up the bed while you put the sheet on.
Or they’ll hold the pillows
that way you don’t have to put them on the floor
while you’re putting the sheet on.
Then they’ll hand you the pillow,
and then you can put the pillow, the clean pillowcase back on.
I feel like I’m doing Shark Tank for you.
You’re like, “I’m not interested.”
“If you were a color commentator for the NBA,
what would your catchphrase be?”
This is from Kira.
Um,
you want to hear them?
I’ve thought about this a lot.
Alright don’t– This is gonna be–
Okay, keep in mind,
taglines generally for
play-by-play announcers are pretty corny, right?
They’re–
Kevin Harland, “He just sucked the gravity right out of the building.”
Stuff like that, right?
“Grab your Oreos, it’s time to dunk.”
That’s the bar, you know what I mean?
So, I’d be like, “OOH!
Nasty like a strip club buffet!”
Right?
Like, you’d be like, “Oh, it’s gross.”
How about this, in an Italian accent,
after Steph Curry makes a shot go,
“That’s a spicy Curry!”
It has to be dumb.
Uh,
“What do you feel about food drink places
that are filled with items from cultures
that are not of the owners or chefs?
Where is the line for cultural appropriation?
Are you okay with it?”
Honestly, this is just my POV.
Here’s my thing.
If you have an Indian restaurant
and it’s owned by a person who isn’t Indian, here’s just my bar.
You have to make the food better than my mom or my grandma.
That’s it.
And if you can, if you can exceed that bar,
Cody, run it.
I’ll be like, “Cody, go for it.”
But honestly if it’s better than my grandma’s biryani,
I’d be like, “Did you kill my grandma?”
How did you– how did you figure this out?
“Who is your favourite Kardashian?”
This is from Sonali, and you spelled– Is Sonali here?
Yeah you spelt it, you did it like super British and fancy.
You spelt favorite F-A-V-O-U.
That’s not the right way to do it.
That’s like being like, you know how when people get fancy and they go, “colour?”
Do you, do you not call it, like, perfume? Do you call it eau de toilette?
You know how it says that on the bottom? It’s like, “Eau de toilette.”
And always my head, like as a seven-year-old I’m like, “Ew, it’s the toilet.”
What is your fav– favourite– That’s what my head saw.
What’s your favourite Kardashian? 112 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,200 Uh, Kanye.
He’s my favorite Kardashian. Does he count?
Alright, “Having lived in both the coasts, what are your feelings about the Midwest?”
Wait, wait what?
The Midwest is fine, I don’t understand.
And then in, in– in parentheses it says, “Your wife is from Kansas, be nice.”
My wife is from fucking…
Hutchinson.
It is not very fun there.
It’s fine, there’s like the Walmart.
Everyone hangs out at the Walmart.
Walmart’s really happening.
Like if you want to see people that she went to high school with,
you go to the Walmart on a Thursday or a Friday.
Just walk around.
It’s, they’re really, it’s really poppin.
“If you had to eliminate one thing from the world to make it a better place, what would it be?”
This is from Eisha, is Eisha here?
Uh, what would you eliminate?
Really?
If I could eliminate one thing it would be um,
it’s this– it’s actually like a really important stigma around um,
people who eat their cereal separately with cereal and milk.
Don’t laugh, it’s really fucked up you guys.
Uh, I get criticized and chastised for...
eating my cereal dry and then putting the milk in my mouth.
Don’t do thi–
Don’t shame me again!
I’ll eat my cereal dry and then I’ll have a cup of milk.
So I’ll put the cereal in my mouth…
Why?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, why is this fucked up?
Think about the– ohhh.
It’s like this.
You have the H-B-double O.
You take a bit, you chew, you’re like, “This is a little, it’s cutting my mouth up.”
Then, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So you start, you like, get a little bit of
saliva in there. Then...
you take a little bit of one-percent, you put it in your mouth.
Your mouth now has become the bowl.
You don’t have to look at like, mushy cereal.
You don't have to...
Can we just all agree mushy cereal looks gross?
Okay, so, why don’t...
you just remove that whole ugly situation and just do it in your mouth?
It’s not aesthetically pleasing.
Mushy Cheerio’s are disgusting, that’s all.
So that’s the one thing–
See the stigma that’s happening right now?
I’m being shamed.
My cereal habits? I’m being shamed right now.
It would be that or climate change.
I like won some of you guys back.
You’re like, “Alright, he’s not completely insane.”
Someone from this side.
Yeah, what’s up?
What’s my favorite internet rabbit hole to go down?
Oh it has to be videos?
Uh...
Uh, I guess it used to be Reddit but Reddit can be very terrifying.
What’s your favorite rabbit hole?
Paranormal subreddit?
You got your whole office doing this instead of work?
You don’t work there anymore you’re like, “I was fired, but.”
What does your office, what does your office do?
You know what’s crazy?
You doing that is probably way better than anything your hedge fund did, so.
Yeah, no, no, no, good, like you’re just like, “Hey let’s not fuck with the markets. Let’s just–”
let’s just...
Yeah let’s just talk with, people’s paranormal experiences.
Do you believe in ghosts?
Have you had a ghost encounter?
Wait, what does that even mean?
You’re open to it, you’re cool with it, right?
Did you have a ghost phase in college,
was that like a thing that you’re like, “I’m cool with it?”
Alright. Huh?
Your roommate–
College roommate or like, post-college?
College roommate, yeah yeah yeah.
Okay.
How long did you guys live together?
Oh, okay.
Were you just like, “Uh, why are you stabbing that doll?” and she’s like, “Don’t worry about it?”
Mind your own business?
Okay.
Uh, this is very bizarre and strange.
What’s my rabbit hole?
I said Reddit.
Was not– Like, mine was just the front page.
My favorite celebrity that I’ve met?
Guy Fieri.
Why are you guys laughing, Guy Fieri’s awesome.
Huh.
No pressure?
Uh...
I mean I’ve really tried to, uh, connect and reach out to them.
But um, you know, just older grandparents are like,
“Why is this Chinese guy hosting his own show?”
I don’t know, I think uh, you know what?
Every once in a while, Eddie we have some,
we’ve had some parents.
Whaaaat?
Grandma, why you being thirsty?
Say what?
You guys are moms?
Okay.
You–
This is getting very weird very fast.
We had some parents and grandparents that came out.
Yeah, I’m trying.
Maybe, maybe you can like, play the episode for them and see what they say?
Really?
Okay.
Play the episode, see what they say.
Yeah. I...
Alright, what?
What do you think of the show?
You like the show?
Ah.
Alright.
So, will you, will you talk about the show to five of your friends?
I’m gonna use the mom and grandma pyramid scheme.
Huh?
Okay great.
Thank you.
Uh, thanks guys.
Take care.