- [Amanda] Hi, Psych2Goers!
So it looks like you like someone
and you're scanning through your brain
for possible ideas on how to make them notice you.
So far, you've come up with
nothing.
So you think, "Are there some little things I can do
to get them to notice me a bit more?"
Whether they're a crush, a partner,
or even a friend,
here are six subtle behaviors
to make people notice you
and like you more.
Number one, don't be afraid to talk about your flaws.
Ever heard of the Prattfall Effect?
This is a psychological phenomenon
that states that if you are seen as very competent,
making a mistake or small blunder makes you more likable
than those other very competent people
who don't show their mistakes or flaws.
People can sometimes be intimidated
by people who seem as if they have no flaws,
so it's not a bad thing
if you do show your flaws once in a while.
Number two, keep their secrets and share one of yours.
Do you keep secrets
or are you horrible at keeping them?
A 2009 study by researchers Catherine A. Cottrell,
Steven L. Neuberg, and Norman P. Li
found that people greatly valued trustworthiness
in their relationships.
The study states,
"Across different measures of trait importance
and different groups and relationships,
trustworthiness was considered extremely important
for all interdependent others;
the evidence for the enhanced importance of cooperativeness
across different interdependent context
was more equivocal."
Trust is a big deal in a relationship
so you might as well show your crush,
your relationship material by keeping their secrets.
One way you can show you trust someone early on
is to tell them a small secret of yours.
This may just bring you closer.
Number three, mirror your partner's gestures and behavior.
So you're at a party
and you suddenly find yourself
subconsciously mimicking the gestures and movements
of the person you're talking to,
what's going on?
This instance is called the Chameleon Effect
and was explored in further studies.
If you're often subconsciously mirroring
your crushes gestures and movements,
this could make your crush like you a bit more.
Why?
People tend to like people who are like them.
The next question is,
do you notice them mirroring you?
Number four, show them you like them.
Are you afraid that your friends
will reveal your true feelings to your crush?
Well, your crush finding out can often be a good thing.
Why?
Because of reciprocity of attraction
or sometimes known as reciprocal liking.
This is a psychological term used to describe
when one person starts to feel attraction for someone
only after hearing that individual likes them.
A 1959 study published in "Human Relations"
told their group subjects
that certain individuals in their group
would likely like them.
After group discussions,
subjects told researchers who they liked the most.
Can you guess who they liked?
You guessed it right!
The subjects chose the people
they were told initially liked them.
So if you like someone and wanna be friends,
or perhaps more than friends,
let them know you like them.
This may get them to start thinking of you more
and then they may just like you back.
Number five, start deep conversations
and sometimes paraphrase what you understood.
Do you hate small talk?
Well then, don't shy away
from starting some deep conversations with your crush.
Research from Harvard found that deep conversations
and meaningfully talking about yourself
can help activate the very same regions of your brain
that delicious food or sex activates.
The study states that over a 45-minute period,
subject pairs carried out self-disclosure
and relationship building tasks
that gradually escalated in intensity.
Study 1 found greater post-interaction closeness
with these tasks
versus comparable small talk tasks.
So while small talk is fine every now and then,
when you're on a romantic date or speaking with your crush,
a more meaningful discussion may excite them more.
When you both open up and reveal your true emotions,
your partner may fall in love
with the deep, engaging conversations
you have together instead.
Actively listening is often seen as attractive as well.
Remember, it can't just be you talking on first date.
A good way to show them you're actively listening
and that you understand them
is by paraphrasing what they've told you,
repeat it back to them.
This is known as reflective listening.
So actively listen
and then offer what you understood
from their discussion back to them.
It's a great way to show you empathize with them
and it can bring you closer.
Findings from a 2007 research study
published in the "American Journal of Psychotherapy"
furthered this theory.
The studies have found
that when therapists use reflective listening,
their patients had a higher chance
of disclosing more information about their emotions
and their therapeutic relationship
with their therapist improved.
Not only is it good for your romantic relationships
but it's good for any type of relationships.
Simply put, it brings people closer together.
And number six, display open body language
and build your confidence,
then show it.
Do you show your confidence when you can?
It's great to have confidence in yourself for many reasons
and it can often help when getting to know others as well.
Perhaps, you've heard that confidence is key.
Well, showing some confidence can indeed be important
when getting others to notice you romantically.
Displaying confident behavior
is often seen as an attractive quality.
Why?
Well, generally, people wanna be confident
so seeing someone who is can be admirable.
One way you can seem more confident
is if you display open body language.
Keep your chest and torso open
and try not to cross your arms as much.
Closed body language can give off the impression
you aren't available
or simply don't want to talk.
Availability is key in making friends
and simply giving others a chance to talk with you.
So that crush of yours,
if they notice you look approachable and welcoming,
they may just have an easier time
introducing themselves to you.
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around the world
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Thanks for being a part of our journey.
So, what do you think you'll do
to get your crush to notice you?
Feel free to share your thoughts
in the comments down below.
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