I HOPE HE'S WEARING A VEST TONIGHT.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, HE HAS THOSE COOL VESTS.
>> Stephen: SOMETIMES HE WEARS IT, SOMETIMES HE DOESN'T.
I HAVE A LOT OF MONEY ON HIM WEARING THE VEST TONIGHT.
I'M ALSO GOING TO TRY TO GET HIM TO ADMIT PLUTO IS A PLANET.
>> Jon: I DON'T THINK HE WANTS TO GO THERE.
>> Stephen: HE MAY NOT WANT TO, BUT I'LL WORK HIM, I'LL WORK
HIM.
FOLKS, PUTIN'S INVASION OF UKRAINE HAS REPEATEDLY TARGETED
CIVILIANS AND CREATED A HUMANITARIAN DISASTER.
BUT THERE'S ONE ORGANIZATION THAT'S BEEN ON THE GROUND
HELPING PEOPLE FROM THE VERY BEGINNING HAS BEEN CHEF JOSE
ANDRES' WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ANOTHER FRIEND OF THE SHOW.
SO FAR, IN THIS CONFLICT, THEY HAVE SERVED OVER 10.3 MILLION
MEALS, IN MORE THAN 80 UKRAINIAN CITIES AND TOWNS, ALONG WITH
MORE THAN 60 REFUGEE ASSISTANCE CENTERS.
BUT ON SATURDAY, ONE OF HIS CHARITY KITCHENS WAS DESTROYED
BY A MISSILE, WHICH IS HORRIBLE0 >> WE GOT FOUR WOUNDED FRIENDS,
BUT THEY'RE OKAY.
AND TODAY, THEY MOVED THE KITCHEN.
THEY ARE GOING TO BE COOKING TOMORROW IN ANOTHER LOCATION.
YOU SEE, THE GOODNESS ALWAYS SHINES THROUGH.
AND WE ARE GOING TO KEEP COOKING AND FEEDING AS MANY PEOPLE AS WE
CAN, AND WE ONLY DO IT BECAUSE WE HAVE YOUR SUPPORT.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE GONNA KEEP COOKING.
AND IF YOU'D LIKE TO HELP SUPPORT WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN DO
THAT IN UKRAINE AND AROUND THE WORLD, VISIT THEIR WEBSITE,
worldcentralkitchen.org.
AND PLEASE TUNE IN TWO WEEKSAT 0 BE CHEF JOSE ANDRES HIMSELF.
CATCH IT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
NOW FOLKS -- WONDERFUL+++ GREAT HUMAN BEING.
FOLKS, AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW, I'M A HUGE FAN OF DOGS.
NOT ONLY ARE THEY MAN'S BEST FRIEND.
THEY'RE THE ONLY FRIEND YOU'RE ALLOWED TO PUT ON A LEASH IN
PUBLIC.AT &F &C1 &D0 &Q6 S37=5 0 RESCUE."
WHERE WE HELP FIND HOMES FOR REAL RESCUE PUPPIES.
AND I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT SO FAR WE HAVE A PERFECT RECORD OF
EVERY SINGLE DOG WE'VE FEATURED GETTING ADOPTED!
WHICH IS WHY--
WHICH IS WHY TONIGHT, I'MAT &F 0 FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF "RESCUE
DOG RESCUE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WATCHED BEFORE, YOU KNOW HOW SHE WORKS.
WE'RE ABOUT TO SHOW YOU SOME ADORABLE PUPPIES THAT ARE
ACTUALLY UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE
AMERICA.
AND TO MAKE SURE THESE DOGS FIND A FOREVER HOME, WE HAVE MADE UP
FLATTERING LIES ABOUT EACH OF THESE PUPPIES TO MAKE YOU WANT
TO ADOPT THEM EVEN MORE.
NOW, IF ONLY THERE WERE SOME CELEBRITY WILLING TO HELP ME.
>> HEY, STEPHEN!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I DP.
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
>> Stephen: OSCAR ISAAC!
HOLE YOU COW!
>> HI.
>> Stephen: MAN, OSCAR, OSCAR, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING
HERE?AT &F &C1 &D0 &Q6 S37=5 N00 RESCUE DOG.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
>> WELL, IT'S ABOUT A GROUP OF PUPPIES THAT FORM AN N.H.L.
TEAM.
IT'S CALLED "STANLEY PUP."
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> NO, NO, I'M JUST PRACTICING LYING ABOUT DOGS!
>> Stephen: OH, WOW, YOU ARE GOOD, SO GOOD.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE GOOD.
LET'S GET THESE PUPPIES ADOPTED!
FIRST UP, THIS IS STERLING.
STERLING HAS MEMORIZED ALL THE BATHROOM CODES FOR EVERY
STARBUCKS IN THE COUNTRY.
ADOPT HIM AND SAY GOOD-BYE TO ALL THOSE AWKWARD LOOKS FROM THE
BARISTA WHEN YOU RUSH IN AND DON'T BUY ANYTHING.
>> GREAT.
OKAY, THIS LITTLE ONE, THIS IS ALMA.
THAT MEANS SOUL IN SPANISH.
SHE IS A CHAMPION MARATHON RUNNER.
EVEN BETTER, SHE'S AGREED TO ATTACH YOUR FITBIT TO HER COLLAR
SO NOW ALL THOSE STEPS CAN BE YOURS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
ALMA!
>> Stephen: THIS IS BABS.
YOU KNOW THAT THING WHEN YOU ORDER A MILKSHAKE AND THEY BRING
OUT AN EXTRA PORTION IN A METAL CUP?
THAT WAS HER IDEA!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> OH, HEY!
THIS IS GOOSE.
HEY, GOOSE!
LOOK AT GOOSE.
GOOSE WAS ONE OF MY CO-STARS IN THE MOVIE "DUNE."
YEAH, SHE PLAYED THE MOST CHALLENGING ROLE OF ALL:
TIMOTHEE CHALAMET'S SOFT, FLUFFY HAIR.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HARD TO WRANGLE.
>> IT'S REALLY HARD TO WRANGLE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS CHANTAL.
WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING, CHANTAL GOES TO YOUR COMPUTER AND
UNSUBSCRIBES FROM ALL THE SPAM E-MAILS CLOGGING YOUR
INBOX.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELLO!
SO IN THE MORNING, THE ONLY "SPECIAL OFFER" WAITING FOR
YOU IS A SNUGGLE-- AND PROBABLY BONER PILLS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> YOU'RE GOING TO NEED THOSE.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH.
>> THIS LITTLE BITCH RIGHT HERE IS MAGGIE.
SHE IS A HUGE "STAR WARS" FAN WHO GOES TO ALL THE CONVENTIONS
AND ONE TIME EVEN GOT TO MEETAT0 TELL YOU WHAT HAN SOLO'S BUTT
SMELLS LIKE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: OH, WOW.
THIS IS DRINKLES.
HE CLEANS UP AT THE CRAPS TABLE, BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO CLEAN UP
THE CRAPS FLOOR.
WELL, THAT DOES IT-- THAT DOES IT FOR "RESCUE DOG
RESCUE"!
HEAD TO THE LATE SHOW'S WEBSITE, colbertlateshow.com FOR HOW TO
ADOPT THESE DOGS FROM NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA.
AND HEAD TO DISNEY+ TO SEE OSCAR ISAAC IN "MOON KNIGHT."
OSCAR ISAAC, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WILL WE?
WE WILL.