- Alright. There you are.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Uh Oh.
I ordered a classic Cobb salad.
- Yes, that's it.
- Oh, I don't think so.
- No, that's our, that's our cobb.
- Nope. It has tortilla crisps all over it.
- Oh yeah, We like to spice up the Cobb every now and then.
- Okay but I ordered a classic cobb salad
and technically that's not a classic.
- Well no, that is our, our classic cobb salad.
- But it's not what I ordered.
- Okay. I mean, I can take it back.
Is there anything else I can get you?
- Yeah, a classic cobb salad.
- But that is a classic cobb salad.
- It's not!
Okay.
Do you know that outside,
you have a sandwich board that's advertising a
classic cobb salad?
Do you know that?
- Well, um.
- No, of course not. You don't.
Because if you did,
you would know not to bring me whatever this
steaming pile of garbage is.
- Well, I mean, it's still perfectly edible.
- Can I speak to the owner please?
- Yep. I will go get him.
- Hey, how you doing sir?
Everything alright?
- He's just having trouble with his cobb salad.
- Classic.
- With his classic cobb salad.
- Okay, Well, what's the problem?
- First off this isn't a classic cobb salad. Okay?
Outside, You have a very enticing sandwich board
that promises a
classic cobb salad.
I want what was advertised.
I want what was promised.
- Okay, well we can get you something else if you'd like.
- No. I want a classic cobb salad.
- Well, that is a cobb salad.
- Let me finish.
I just wanted a delicious classic cobb salad.
But instead you bring me a bunch of lettuce
with random shit on it.
- Um, there's a hard-boiled egg.
- It's shit.
All right? It's shit.
If it's not the perfect combination of
bacon, lettuce, chicken, and blue cheese,
I won't put it near my lips. It's shit.
- It's not shit.
- It's shit.
- It's not shit.
- I didn't know that
the word classic meant nothing to you over here,
at this establishment.
You know what?
Wait, it does mean something.
It means shit.
- If it's any consolation, I hate the tortilla strips to.
- Jillian..
- See? See?
- Well I'd eat it.
- You would eat this? You would eat
a bunch of shit on lettuce?
If I took a big fat dump on here-
a four coiler, you would eat it?
- What?
No, if you shit in the bowl,
I wouldn't eat your shit, but that's not shit.
That's a classic cop salad.
- IT'S NOT A FUCKING CLASSIC COBB SALAD!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I lost my cool.
It's just- Do you have no self-respect?
Huh?
No dignity?
Does the word classic mean absolutely nothing to you?
- I don't respect myself because I work here.
- Exactly.
Exactly.
This is the worst place I've ever been to in my entire life.
No offense.
- How am I not supposed to take offense to that?
- (whispers) 'cause he said no offense.
- That makes no sense.
- You and me, let's get outta here.
Let's leave and never look back.
- This place is dead to me.
- You flew way too close to the sun, Icarus.
Way too close.
I'm stealing this fork.
- (whispers) You son of a bitch.
- Hey guys, I just wanted to say thank you for watching.
And if you haven't yet,
it'd be really cool if you subscribe
because we're almost at a million subscribers.
It doesn't mean anything.
Like, well, I mean, I do get,
I get a plaque. I really just want the plaque.
So if you could help me get that, that'd be pretty sick.
Also. If you're unaware,
these are now being sold on julienolke.com.
I think they look cool.
It's a great little present to get yourself
that you might enjoy.
Anyway, head over there, check it out.
Maybe buy one. Maybe not.
I don't care. And I'll see you next week
Love you, bye.