Chase: This is the beginning of our trip, this is day twenty-three.
I don't know when I'll be able to post this. Whenever I have WiFi. That makes it sound like we're going into the middle of nowhere.
Chase [whisper]: We are.
Zuzia: We are, actually.
Zuzia: It's just in the mountains. Chase: Bless. This is hour one of thirty-four hour- of our trip, so-
We're in our Uber now with our Uber driver. Five stars.
[laughs] Bless.
We are at the bus depot and I am fucking melting.
Zuzia: I'm tired.
[background music]
Anyways, so our bus is, like, literally right there, but, like, they ain't let us- letting us in.
I don't wanna get in the one rando in the background. They'll be like, [gravelly voice] "Get me off of your vlog."
[normal voice] "You annoying millenials." Now we're all blurry. Fantastic.
Oh... ooh!
When you literally have no idea how this camera works.
Zuzia: It's the worst angle ever. Chase: I know.
Zuzia: Wanna play a game?
Chase: We're- we're on the bus now. And now we have to wait 45 minutes until we get to the border.
Where's this light coming from? It's so dark here, why is it so bright? Look at this!
Okay, there's like a million people on this bus. I'm gonna stop now. But, you know.
Why is it focused on you? You're not even in the frame. Get out of here. It's still just focused on you!
Zuzia: The camera loves me.
[Chase humming]
Chase [Brooklyn dialect]: We just went through the border.
[normal voice] It's just because there's, like, literally people behind us, and I just don't want- how 'bout like this?
Zuzia: Eyyy. Chase: Is that good?
Zuzia: Why is my hair so big and, like, trying to eat my face?
Chase: Well, now you're blurry, so it's okay. You're blurry-face.
Um- we just- we just passed by Customs. Now we're- we're going to fucking sleep, because I'm tired already, and it's, like, quarter to-
Zuzia: It's midnight. Midnight o' four AM.
Chase: This is hour two.
It's so hard to not look at yourself up there. It's so hard 'cause it looks so good
so I'm just going to look at you guys 'cause you don't really care what I'm looking at.
[whisper] I'm so tired.
And then we stop in Albany in, like, two- three hours.
Zuzia: And then they're going to make us sit there for, like, half and hour.
Chase: Forty-five minutes, usually. Like, "Gotta service the bus."
Yah, yah, yah, yah. Gotta take your sweet-ass time, though.
And I hate it because it's, like, three AM
and it's like- Zuzia: The bus driver called it, like, a coffee break.
Chase: No, he said there was going to be a coffee break after the border.
I'm like "Listen, toots, you fuckin' went to duty-free for twenty minutes."
Zuzia: Nobody needs to go there. Chase: No one- no one cares.
Maybe somebody asked, though, and they have to make it seem- Zuzia: No one needs to go to duty-free.
[Chase cracking up]
Chase: Oh, my god, this looks like I'm spying on you. Look at this angle.
No, no, but seriously. What is this angle?
You're never safe from the Chase Ross angles.
Zuzia: We've got, like, two weeks of this. Chase: Two and a half weeks.
Chase: We have arrived in New York. That is Times Square behind us.
We're trying to get a lift. Literally, a Lyft. We're trying to get Uber or something, because Zuzia doesn't want to take the subway home
to Brooklyn, 'cause it- it takes a long time, it's, like, thirty-five minutes,
so we are just waiting now.
[background music]
Chase: We are at Zuzia's apartment in Brooklyn,
[laughs]
and it is so dirty!
It is six o'clock in the morning.
Zuzia: There's, like, tea bags in there, too, but, like, I don't know what her intentions are.
Chase: They're- whatever. Zuzia: This lettuce.
Chase: There are so many dishes that we have to deal with.
Zuzia: She's like, "I did mine. Can you just do the rest?" Which is all of them.
[Chase laughs] Zuzia: And, like, we're talking, like, heavy-duty pots, like-
Zuzia: [unintelligible question] Chase: Heavy-duty pots.
Zuzia: That's a deep sink, too.
Chase: You know what they say about deep sinks.
Zuzia: More dishes? Chase: Yes. [laughs]
Chase: Oh! Hello! Put your arm around me! I'm your sweetheart!
Zuzia: I'm so tired.
Chase: So, today is day twenty-three... but-
Zuzia: What year is it?
Chase: It is six AM, but we have to go to the airport at twelve,
and I know that that seems like we have a lot of time, but we need to go get breakfast at Champ's.
[laughs]
It's a vegan diner, and if I'm in Brooklyn, I'm going. Plus, the fucking vegan donut place is literally around the corner from there.
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! And they have, like, vegan ice cream.
I don't even care how early it is, baby, I didn't sleep on the bus. [laughs]
So, today, we're gonna talk about how we were fucking harassed on the bus by old ladies. [laughs]
Zuzia: Harassed is a strong word.
Chase: You're literally the one who said, "Hey, hey, hey, you should say we got harassed on the bus."
Zuzia: I hate clickbait.
Chase: This isn't clickbait! I feel personally attacked right now.
Zuzia: We were just on the bus, and these, like, old French ladies have no concept of personal space.
Chase: Even in the line, though.
Zuzia: Dude, we were going through Immigration, and I swear that they were, like, trying to go with us, like, that's how close she was.
Chase: Okay, no, no, but even from the beginning, like, staying in line to get onto the bus, they were ins-
Chase: Every time- Zuzia: Her suitcase was, like-
Chase: in you. Zuzia: She literally- like, our suitcases were, like, touching. They were, like, on top of each other,
Zuzia: and I was like, "[exasperated noise]."
Chase: Because you left to get me water and yourself a juice or something, and-
Zuzia: Well, you were hanging out with four suitcases, like, it wasn't gonna- like, you weren't- Chase: I- I know, and, plus,
Chase: I was standing at yours, so she wouldn't put her suitcase there, and then,
like, I moved when you came and then she moved, seeing you coming,
and I was like, "Wh- oh, my god. What the fuck."
Anyways, so- Zuzia: Old lady entitlement.
Chase: Old lady entitlement. And then, like, every time we would- like, the people in front of us would move up,
we would move up, and then they would just, like, move up so close they'd be inside of our ass.
Zuzia: Like, no offense, you destroyed the planet, so, like, just give me personal space.
You're the reason I don't have a car, like-
you're the reason I'm taking the Greyhound.
But, like, and then it's just, like- [overlapping] exac- Chase: They have these fur- like, extravagant fur coat.
Chase: What are you doing? Zuzia: Like, it was like a fur sleeping bag, for fuck's sake,
'cause it was, like, so long, she was wearing, like, three animals.
[Chase laughs]
Chase: Probably, though, if it was, like, those little animals that takes, like, a lot...
I don't know, like a rabbit, probably like twelve rabbits on one jacket.
Chase: Then we get on the bus, and, like- Zuzia: I just wanna say this lighting is my entire high school career.
This is why I have zero selfies of me when I was younger, because of this lighting.
Chase: It's so bad. Like-
Zuzia: So, basically, we had, like, normal lighting, and then my dad- I got glasses and my dad was like,
[old woman voice] "It's because this apartment is too dim." But not like that, 'cause my dad's not an old woman.
Chase: HA!
Zuzia: Um- and- Chase: I mean-
Zuzia: and so we got these, like, bullshit fluorescent, like, studio lights right over the kitchen table.
Chase: So that you can simulate being in school when you're not in school.
Zuzia: So now I can't sleep while he was trying to teach me math.
My dad used to, like, not let me go to bed until I had memorized the multiplication table,
and, like, I got everything except the eights. I just couldn't memorize, like, what is eight times seven or, like-
you know, like- Chase: I don't even know that.
Zuzia: eight times six. It was just so fucking- like, that was the one I couldn't figure out, was the eights,
and he just would, like, keep me up, like, be like,
"You can't leave this table until you can recite the whole multiplication table by heart." Chase: [overlapping] Oh, my god, that's- abused by old people. [laughs]
Zuzia: Just sayin'. Chase: Harassed.
Zuzia: He's the reason I don't know math. His generation ruins public education systems.
Chase: I mean, his generation isn't as old as the people who- on the bus, though.
Chase: 'Cause even at Immigration- [overlapping] Oh, my god. Zuzia: My dad's an immigrant from a communist country,
Zuzia: so it's a little different. Chase: When we were trying to get on the bus, though,
Chase: and those people were in front of us, were, like, taking their sweet-ass time,
and then the old ladies caught up to us and were, like, inside us.
Zuzia: One time, I was at Michaels, in the line, and this pregnant lady was, like, just standing there,
minding her own business, and so this lady, like, comes and stands, like, behind her, like right on top of her,
so she took- like, this lady's my hero- she turns around and she's like, "Excuse me. I need some personal space."
And the lady's like, "Oh, okay," and she, like, takes, like, a half step back,
and she was like, "NO. I need SPACE." [both laugh]
Chase: Goals. Zuzia: I love her.
Chase: I love this noise in the background. Zuzia: Oh, that's the heater that they deci- they only turn it on for, like, four hours a day.
Two hours in the morning, two at night.
Chase: Isn't that like our apartment?
Chase: Yeah, so, like, on the bus, um, they were, like, inside us, and then- this lady with her kids, okay?
She had a backpack and, like, literally- literally, I was attacked, okay? This ain't clickbait, I was attacked.
Zuzia: Oh, my god. Chase: I stood up and she went like this and her backpack hit me and I landed on top of Zuzia.
Sorry.
Zuzia: I don't even remember it, I'm so tired.
Chase: You slept on the bus, I saw you. You were snoring. Zuzia: [gasp] Did we go to Albany?
Chase: No. Zuzia: Oh, that explains it. Chase: I know, it's the first time ever
that I've been on a bus- I think maybe twice that- that I didn't go to Albany. It was great!
Now I understand why he took, like, nineteen fucking pit stops. "Ehh, somebody waant to go to the bathroom?"
No one left the fucking bus. I was like, "Really? Really? This is what we're doin', ho?"
Zuzia: We had the best Lyft driver. Chase: He was legit. Five stars.
Zuzia: If I was, like, secretly a millionaire taking Ub- like, Uber or Lyft as, like, a social experiment, I would be like,
"I'm gonna pay your kid's college tuition," or something like- Chase: "-and give you a million dollars."
Zuzia: But I'm not, so he's getting a five star rating Chase: [overlapping] If you were rich.
Zuzia: 'cause that's all I can do. Chase: I wish I could be that person that just gives money to people.
Zuzia: Right? Chase: That, like-
Zuzia: I wanna be a "Richard."
Chase: You- this goes out to all you "Richards."
I don't like that everyone's calling him "sugar daddy," though,
Zuzia: Me, neither. Chase: 'cause he said that- he's like- he emailed me and he was like,
"It implies that I'd be old enough to be your daddy and I certainly am not."
Zuzia: Oh, my god, Richard's not old? Chase: I don't think so.
I don't think he's old enough to be my "papito."
Zuzia: It's just like- there's like a weird, like, sexual connotation to "sugar daddy," Chase: That's why, yeah, that's why.
Zuzia: and it's kind of, like, if I did something nice for another person and someone was like,
"Oh, that's your, like, sugar daddy," I'd be like, "That's the gross."
Chase: Mhm. Zuzia: The- THE gross. Chase: That's THE gross.
Zuzia: That's- it's gross. Chase: Sugar daddy issues. [laughs]
Zuzia: I have all the issues. Collect them.
[background music]
Chase: Should I put that in the video or is that too gross? You know what? I'm gonna do it anyways because I don't have footage for today.
Zuzia: I feel like- trigger warning that, though. Like 'cause some people get really grossed out by, like, internal stuff.
Are your- they, technically- your tonsils are internal, right?
Chase: How do you know I have tonsils? Zuzia: I don't know.
Chase: Exactly. Zuzia: Is that- WOW. Chase: Tonsil privilege, there, Zuzia.
Zuzia: I just assume all people have tonsils. Chase: Oooooh. You would say that
to a trans guy? Who is not in focus. Zuzia: Shut up.
Chase: Oh, my god, I just hate how HD this is 'cause you could literally see every wrinkle on my body
and you could see how clogged- Zuzia: And the bags on bags-
Chase: You could the clog- okay, this is a shadow, and the clog- the clogs- Zuzia: Sure.
Chase: the clogs on my face! My clogged pores.
Am I using the right word? The clog? Like from Holland?
Zuzia: Like a sink. Like a clogged sink. Chase: I know, but, like, I have a clog on my face. Like, I could have a clog.
Zuzia: You can have a clogged pore. Chase: But- but wouldn't that be funny if somebody Photoshopped a clog on my pore?
Someone needs to Photoshop a clog on my pore 'cause I have clogged pores.
My mustache looks mustache-y, though.
Zuzia [offscreen]: You got white mustache hair, though.
Chase: I do. That's not a secret. Is it a secret?
Chase: I'm trying to find my eye. There it is! He-ey!
Okay, that's enough for today. I'm sorry this is, like, really short and, like, only one scene, but
we are literally travelling, so you can deal with it.
Um- yeah, so now we're gonna go unpack and repack and then go food, so-
I will update you on my travels. Love you. [kisses]