- Nobody asked us.
We were not going to take our shirts, guys.
Calm down.
I'm very willing to take off my shirt.
Don't give him that.
Justin Warner here with Matteo Lane
and Evan Williams and today we're going
to attempt to eat the universe.
Welcome to "Eat the Universe."
- I feel welcome. - Thank you.
I'm very curious. What's in here?
Oh, shut up.
You shut up.
JUSTIN WARNER: So curious what's in there.
EVAN WILLIAMS: I am, man. MATTEO LANE: Magic beans.
What do you think's in there? It's food.
I don't know.
What if it's a full turkey that's in that one.
Well, that's not--
You'd be like, Thanksgiving's jar, everyone.
Night, Cook,
That's his impression of me.
Which is exactly him.
I think it's pretty bad, just personally.
Pretty bad, personally.
It's just me.
- It's just me. - OK.
[LAUGHS]
Oh my god.
Let's get to know each other--
[LAUGHS]
--by making a dish inspired by the Uncanny X-Men.
And to do that today, my gracious producers
have given me mystery cans.
We will uncan these things.
But this is kind of a special episode of "Eat the Universe."
One, because the two of you are here, but also because we
really don't know what we're going to make.
Because that's my mutant power.
In 30 minutes, I will incorporate
all of these canned ingredients into something
edible and comestible.
Everything's edible.
I never heard the word "comestible."
Comestible is a Latin verb like a word
like comer, like in Spanish.
Like to eat.
It is eatable?
Is it edible?
Comer.
Here, strapping man.
I'm doing it. I'm not bad, dude.
Look at that.
No, you're doing great.
You really are.
You're doing really well
OK.
So already, I'm not enthusiastic about this.
MATTEO LANE: It's corn.
EVAN WILLIAMS: It's just a bunch of corn.
What if the rest are corn?
[LAUGHING] What can you make with seven cans of corn?
Who is that for?
Yeast was born in Illinois, old Hank McCoy.
There's a lot of corn in Illinois.
That is coconut milk.
Who did this?
MATTEO LANE: OK, there's peas and carrots.
EVAN WILLIAMS: Peas and carrots.
Now that's a super teamup.
OK, there's your 1940s meat.
JUSTIN WARNER: Here.
MATTEO LANE: What is that?
EVAN WILLIAMS: Is that bacon?
MATTEO LANE: What is that?
EVAN WILLIAMS: Is that a can of bacon?
This is what we like to call tactical bacon.
MATTEO LANE: Ew!
EVAN WILLIAMS: Uh!
MATTEO LANE: Why is it a Swiss roll of bacon?
Oh!
It shouldn't make that noise.
Well, the good news is it's already cooked.
MATTEO LANE: That is an ungodly amount of bacon.
Gents, we have 30 minutes on the clock.
While I attempt to make something uncanny out
of these canned things, tell us about your love for the X-Men.
Well I like Storm.
I mean, when I was a kid, that was it for me.
Yeah, I loved Storm.
JUSTIN WARNER: Here, make it easy and also make it safe.
EVAN WILLIAMS: This is my new bottom.
MATTEO LANE: Evan, you're doing a great job.
EVAN WILLIAMS: Oh, thanks, man.
Appreciate it.
JUSTIN WARNER: Tell me about why you like Hank McCoy a.k.a.
Beast.
He's smart.
And you know, I didn't know that word you said earlier.
What was it? Comes--
JUSTIN WARNER: Comestible. EVAN WILLIAMS: Comestible.
Yeah.
Hank McCoy would know comestible.
JUSTIN WARNER: Four patties.
That's why I look up to him.
JUSTIN WARNER: Four patties.
EVAN WILLIAMS: Four patties?
JUSTIN WARNER: You know, a lot of superhero teams
like the Uncanny X-Men, you know they
have like complementary powers.
EVAN WILLIAMS: Right. MATTEO LANE:
JUSTIN WARNER: Right?
So, how do you kind of fit into that?
Do you guys have complementary powers?
I'm very serious person.
Too serious.
Like by nature I just, I love speeches.
I'm a big speech guy.
He'll turn anything sad.
And Matteo has an ability to make fun of me
and it just keeps me from taking myself too serious.
I mean, literally this is everyone's face
when you say like, hey, guys you want to get some pizza tonight?
And Evan starts talking.
This is everyone's body language.
JUSTIN WARNER: We have bacon fat.
Oh, that's so gorgeous from the bacon
that was already cooked.
JUSTIN WARNER: Yeah.
MATTEO LANE: Now you're cooking the corn
that was scooped up in water.
JUSTIN WARNER: You guys know that stuff, right?
EVAN WILLIAMS: It's chocolate hazelnut spread.
MATTEO LANE: [SPEAKING ITALIAN]
JUSTIN WARNER: Would you-- you can operate a microwave?
MATTEO LANE: Yeah.
But what did you just put in this?
JUSTIN WARNER: That's a shitake mushroom cap.
We're just making mushroom tea.
So the problem with my set of ingredients
here is that I have no umani.
Right?
And so, umami is--
Watch your language.
Umami is that like, heavy hitting, earthy sort
of flavors.
And my plan here is to make a spiced ham loco moco.
What's a locomotive, what?
A loco moco is a Hawaiian dish, right?
And it uses egg and gravy and generally
a beef like burger patty.
But I have none of those things.
But I did find some eggs.
So we're going to make a hazelnut spread
soy and coconut gravy.
So guys, how did you get to be famous comedians
that get to join me on my show?
MATTEO LANE: We met at--
I like how he asks the questions and just walks away.
Tell me, how did you two meet?
EVAN WILLIAMS: Tell me about your show.
I'm listening.
MATTEO LANE: We met because they're both comedians.
And we met at an open mic somewhere
in the Lower East Side and we just
thought each other was funny.
And so we kept talking and I of course
fell in love with his wife, taught me a lot
about my Mexican heritage.
Would you two guys throw some black pepper in there?
OK.
You know, just until it sings.
You want to do this?
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
It will not turn.
Here.
That was a stunt double.
[SINGING]
So, Matteo, you're also a trained opera singer.
Yes, I am.
JUSTIN WARNER: You're a man of many superpowers.
[SINGS]
Yeah.
I also draw.
JUSTIN WARNER: Really?
I draw a lot of X-Men and I draw
a lot of other superheroes.
And I've created my own superhero.
Her name is Princess Cupcake.
Check it out on Instagram.
JUSTIN WARNER: What's Princess Cupcake's origin story?
MATTEO LANE: Princess Cupcake is about
a 13-year-old seventh grader who has not quite
adapted to the growing adulthood that other kids sort
of get into in middle school.
Everyone else is dating and she's still playing
with her stuffed animals.
Anyway, there's a long history of this world
that was kept in balance by these two crystals.
And this evil woman named Lady Queen Cassandra wants to merge
them take over the planet.
They stopped her, sent one of the crystals to Earth.
Millions of years later, she accidentally
digs it up in the backyard, eats it, and becomes a superhero
we didn't know we needed.
JUSTIN WARNER: That sounds amazing.
Are you guys at all nervous that these
will fall apart in the pan?
If you get it really hot with some oil,
you might have a chance of frying each side quickly,
and that will keep it bound.
But I don't know, am I right?
JUSTIN WARNER: Yeah
Guys, I'm so good.
I'm a naturale.
He hates you.
Look we got some parsley.
I could chop up some parsley for you.
JUSTIN WARNER: That's cilantro. So go for it.
No I don't like cilantro.
I'm one of those people the 10% people, it tastes like soap.
Cilantro, I can't even smell It.
Yuck.
As I cook our loco moco patties.
What other characters in the Marvel universe are you into?
I love Captain America.
Like I said, I love speeches.
The guy crushes speeches and people take him seriously.
You recognize that?
They don't make fun of him when he says his speech.
They just appreciate it.
JUSTIN WARNER: OK, comedians, what superpower would
you like to have in real life?
I think I want to freeze stuff.
I don't know why I've always wanted to freeze stuff.
Freeze?
Yeah, freeze.
I have no explanation for it.
Like about Bobby Drake, yeah.
I'd want to be like Storm.
I want to control the weather.
Yeah.
MATTEO LANE: I want to fly.
Controlling the weather is way too much of a responsibility
because then all of a sudden, there's like a monsoon
somewhere and everyone dies.
And I'm just like filing my nails.
I know, I'm well, sorry I was busy.
EVAN WILLIAMS: This is actually looking good.
MATTEO LANE: You cooked the eggs very beautifully.
Thank you.
Did you put a lid over it to steam the tops?
JUSTIN WARNER: Course I did.
Better take notes from this guy.
MATTEO LANE: Oh, the cilantro. I mean,
I can't go for it. You're not going to eat at all?
No.
You're not even going to try it.
I said from the beginning, I'm not eating it.
You're seven years old.
Now what are you doing?
Lemon zest.
I'm very impressed.
JUSTIN WARNER: Well it's not over yet.
What are you going to do?
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!
Woo!
We're impressed.
MATTEO LANE: Bravo!
Bravissimo!
Loco moco.
All right gentlemen, we have attempted to make food,
whether it is uncanny or not that remains to be seen.
I will see you at the table of tastes.
It's that way.
Oh, gotcha.
We have servants for that.
Thank you so much.
I feel like I'm back in Italy.
Thank you.
This is fabulous.
Dinner is served.
Molte grazie.
She also gave you a different glass than us.
All right.
Let's give it a try.
Well, let me know how it is and I
want your honest opinion on what you think you just made.
Because you made something that looks pretty.
But we all saw what was in it.
I am on my second bite now.
That should tell you something, my man.
This is not bad.
Not bad, right?
I will say, what was the name of it?
Loco moco.
I'd say it's more loco than moco, but it's good.
Right.
We all know what that means.
Well, do you guys believe in my uncanny power
to uncan things and make uncanny ingredients?
You crushed it, man.
I certainly, I, yes, I believe it.
How's the Tomatoes You know, they're tomato-y.
Thanks so much for coming along
and for inspiring all of this excitement.
Where can we find more of what you guys are up to?
You can find on Instagram at Matteo Lane.
M-A-T-T-E-O L-A-N-E.
I saw some of your X-Men stuff and it's really great.
Thanks.
I've been I've been trying to copy Stanley Lio, Lau,
I forgot how to say his name.
I like the line work.
So a lot of times if I'm trying to learn new line work,
I'll just study what someone else does
and then like use that for myself in the future.
So I'm sort of like making it up.
But yeah, I really like him a lot.
Word.
You can find me on Instagram it's Evan Williams.
And you can also follow my movie I'm making, at the Recovery
Called Movie on Instagram.
Screenings will be early this year.
Well that's all the time we have.
We'll see you next time on "Eat The Universe."