THINKING: 'I should never have made her this voucher.'
HE MUTTERS
"Miss Shavon Scantlebury..."
I know what it says...
SHE MUMBLES
You can't even say my name...
"..in whatever capacity she wishes.
"Terms - one-time use unless...
"used for lovemaking."
Shav, I didn't say we can put this on...
"This voucher is non-exchangeable or redeemable for cash
"because I'm broke."
Are you taking the...?
SHE CHUCKLES
Your words, not mine, Bubs.
Shav, you're taking advantage of me. Yeah?
I'm going to go home, my face is burning!
Tingling, Mark.
It's the tingling sensation, darling.
It's the burning sensation.
And just...chill.
HE SIGHS
CAMERA CLICKS
Hey, hey, hey, what you doing, Shav? No pictures.
Do not post that on Insta.
Yes, I promise.
CAMERA CLICKS
Let's do another one, go on, get my good side.
Duck lips, duck lips.
Levels, all right.
Angles, angles, angles.
Nice!
Oh, ho!
Next...
TV PLAYS
Next...
Yeah, I've seen that one.
Keep flexing them palms.
Shav, do you want to watch something today, tomorrow,
or how are we playing this? PHONE VIBRATES
Hm, message from me bum chum.
Oh...
Hm, what's that?
Hm? Oh, no, nothing.
It's Daniel. Yeah, he's going through some personal issues,
I don't really want to get into it, in this respect, you know.
Why? You know, you usually tell me everything.
Look, I'm trying to change, Shav. Yeah, we gossip way too much.
If my friends knew exactly what we told each other,
they would never tell us any...
You know what my main concern is? How extreme your cover-up was.
If you want to live your life...vicariously
through Daniel...
Cos you don't know what it means.
Look, I don't need to know what it means.
I don't know what it means(!) I know exactly what it means.
Vicarious about things, you know.
I vicariously went to the shop.
SHE LAUGHS
Vicariously...
is the adverb form of the word vicarious, blah, blah...
HE MUTTERS
About the bum, it's all good. You get your pictures
and I get mine...
Mm...
Wait, what pictures are you getting?
If we discuss the pictures my girls send me, we discuss yours.
Would you like to proceed, Mark?
Hah! No, you're good, baby. I don't need to see nothing.
I'm... You keep your pictures and enjoy them.
What?
God, I just think it's so cute. Like, you rubbing my feet
and, like, eating with the same hand.
No, it's the perfect representation of where we are now.
Oh, no, have I been doing that the whole time?
Shav?!
Oh, that's disgusting, no...
Oh, come on, we're getting serious, serious.
This is new levels, babe, OK?
You know what? Since we are on the topic of comfortability,
I had this game planned for later...
I hate to break it to you, but comfortability is not a word.
Sorry, what?
No.
Uh-hm, no...
The aim of the game is...
Oh, is that so?
Uh-huh, that's what I thought. First question is...
Does it bother you if I look at another person and say,
"He's sexy"?
I didn't create the questions.
Yes, it bothers me.
So, if you could bring, like, three people to dinner with us,
who would they be?
Anyone?
Tupac.
Denzel Washington.
And Goku.
That would be sick.
THEY GIGGLE
So, what's the right time to move in with your girlfriend
out of your mum's house?
HE CHOKES
Wait. Oh, rewind. When you're both ready.
That was sly, Shav. Is that even on the list?
I'm just...
Shav?
Knew it, I knew it wasn't...
Uh-uh, you're cheeky, you are cheeky.
Question 13 - the average duration of sex for most couples
is around ten minutes.
sorry, you, last?
say about 40.
About four. OK, let's put four.
HE SCOFFS
I bust when I want to bust... BOTH MUTTER
Question 27 - what was your first impression of me when we met?
Honestly.
Mm.... Honestly...
..I thought you were great.
Yeah, so beautiful, you were the funniest girl I ever met.
What about before we even spoke, like, when you initially saw me?
Uh...I don't know, babe, I don't...
I don't recall.
Like, for example...honestly...
you seemed a bit...rugged, bit sweaty,
like you were going through hard times.
Yeah. OK, cool, what did I think? I thought...
I thought, uh...that maybe you'd be rude.
Yeah, you know, cos your default face is quite angry.
Eh, loud...
stuck-up.
A bit stoosh, you know, your typical lighty's behaviour.
Mark...
white side of black, you know, a bit...
All the mandem thought you were loose...
All right, that's what I thought, not what I think now.
Look, you basically called me a hobo.
Yeah, fair enough.
OK.
If you could change one thing about me physically, what would that be?
Oh...
Yeah, I think we should end the game there, babe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, agreed, yeah.
Hey, Shav.
Comfortability isn't a word.
For real, though, is it not a word?
That's new, so... We're coming to bed with headgear now?
Are you joking? Huh!
Shoot me down for feeling more comfortable with you!
Oh, you feel comfortable(?!)
OK, I didn't know that's where we're at. OK. Cool.
Minus what you just said...today was nice. Shav say you can't put sick.
Yeah? Yeah?
THEY LAUGH
All right, why don't you just take off the helmet?
Look, I can't even touch your hair, it's just weird.
Mark?
I'm done damaging my hair.
Is this going to be a problem?
lighties needed headscarves too.
I have black hair.
Oh, oh, babe...
Ah!
I love you, hijab or no hijab.
And I will continue to support you through your twin pregnancy.
Oh, please, my belly is sexy, I don't care what you think.
(Fatty, fatty...)
Got your pouch going, yeah?
Fatty, fatty, boom, boom, fatty, fatty...
HE FARTS
Are you fucking kidding me, Mark?!
Ha-ha!
Sorry, Shav, I just felt more comfortable with you today!
OK, cool.
She had broccoli for breakfast...
Oh, look at that.
What are you doing?
Shav, delete that picture right now.
Shav, delete that picture!
No, oh, my God.
Delete it right now!
If you post that picture...
It's done.