INFJs often experience great difficulty with living in a world that doesn't live up to their expectations.
They are deeply caring individuals who need to feel loved and appreciated in order to
feel good about themselves and their lives.
Their sensitivity sometimes means others words and actions have more of an adverse effect
than with most people. They're often seen as very compassionate and resilient individuals, but
in reality, INFJs can also be quite fragile. In experiencing trauma, it can be incredibly
hard for them to take a step back and think objectively about what is happening in their
lives.
They tend to become overly attached to their wounds, which can make them feel safe in the
short term, but ultimately, it prevents them from reaching their true potential. Some INFJs
also have an tendency to wear past trauma as amour, to keep out external judgment or
hard-to-hear feedback.
Whilst Trauma is not unique to INFJs, in order for an INFJ to heal, it is crucial they recognize
the unique ways in which trauma tends to affect them, why it occurs, and how to address it.
So, let’s explore 3 Ways INFJs can HEAL FROM PAST TRAUMA
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How do INFJs view the past
INFJs don’t generally tend to focus on the past; rather, they are big picture thinkers
who will more often than not, look ahead to the future. As individuals, who live for their
visions and values, they are much more comfortable in their interior world. Here they can be
left alone to ponder and observe the various ideas and patterns that exists in their reality.
As INFJs, they can have a great appreciation for the past. They are able to reminisce about
pleasant memories and experience a wave of emotion, such as the feeling of fondness when
looking through an old family album. However, INFJs don’t quite reminisce in the same
way as other personality types.
People tend to place much more sentimental value on objects; such as souvenirs, baby
clothes and family heir looms. Those kinds of things just don’t hold as much significance
for most INFJs. This is because INFJs are able to emotionally connect with experiences
and people in such powerful ways, physical reminders aren’t usually as potent to them.
Having a rich and vivid connection to ones memories in this way, can be a good thing
for keeping positive experiences alive. However it’s often not so much when it’s tethered
to a painful past. INFJs are able to hold on to old wounds much more than other personality
types as a consequence.
INFJs who have experienced trauma might also fear thinking back on their past for this
reason. However the past is fertile ground for all sorts of information and nuances needed
to self reflect and re-valuate ones life, but too many INFJs tend to hesitate opening
up their wounds.
Why are INFJs so scared of confronting their past
INFJs can fear examining a painful past for many reasons.
One, they have Introverted Intuition (Ti) as their primary cognitive function. This
means their mind is wired to focus on the future. The past for them tends to represent
a lot of painful memories and mistakes they’d rather forget, and more importantly it just
doesn’t fit into the grand future they envision, so they don’t see the point.
Another reason is their general fear of vulnerability. They tend to dissociate as a defense mechanism
to avoid reliving the trauma, and being hurt all over again. However this does not impede
them from being able to hold a grudge towards the people they deem to have caused them hurt.
This is likely due to their Extroverted Feeling (Fe) function. INFJs are able to associate
far more with people than their experiences. When they feel like someone has wronged them
they tend to attribute it to the persons lack of values and moral character before considering
other factors, that could mitigate this opinion.
This is probably why INFJs are known for ‘door slamming’ so often. Pigeonholing someone’s
actions as entirely bad is a convenient way to attribute 100% blame on them, and escape
having to explore another perspective that isn’t as easy to close and move on from.
INFJs often use their Introverted thinking function to rationalize their painful experiences.
This is also another way they can distance themselves from it, and further avoid having
to confront it.
However suppressing their trauma will never bode well for their well being.
So what are the UNHEALTHY ways INFJ cope with trauma
INFJs who are coping in a harmful ways attempt to avoid places, people, or things that remind
them of their negative experiences, as well as generally becoming more fearful of the
outside world.
They may also feel guilty and at fault in some way, so instead of focusing on healing
themselves, they will tend to focus on caring for others. They might even have a tendency
of becoming excessively critical of others or use self-deprecating humor as a way to
deflect from their pain.
This is of course not an exhaustive list of bad ways an INFJs copes with trauma. There
might not be a video long enough for that, but for an INFJ to begin to stop these negative
habits and start healing, they must find comfort with being vulnerable and address their past
head on.
Some healthy ways INFJs can start to do that are:
Daily mediation
Meditation is able to bring a conscious awareness to many activities inside an INFJs mind.
If practiced consistently it may help create more space between an INFJs thoughts and emotions,
and their sense of self. Through meditation, INFJs learn that they’re not their thoughts
and emotions, nor are all their thoughts true or worthy of reaction.
Over time they will naturally start to apply those same principles to the manifestations
of their trauma, allowing them to address it with curiosity and compassion in their
body and mind, and eventually relieving the heavy burden it has wielded on their lives.
INFJs will then begin to have deeper sense of inner peace, in their past and present,
as well as with the people in their lives.
Talk through feelings
As humans, many of us loathe the idea of talking about the worst things that have happened
to us. Discussing a painful experience can feel humiliating or terrifying and INFJs are
no exception. Many often have a more than average fear of vulnerability, so talking
about their feelings can be even more of a challenge.
For Introverted-intuitive type like INFJs, it is quite common for them to think that
they’re the only ones to have had “such an experience, and how can anyone possibly
understand”
However its important to note, trauma isn’t neat and tidy for anyone—it doesn’t arrive
neatly packaged and tied up with a bow. Instead, it’s bewildering and chaotic.
It can turn an INFJs understanding of the world upside down - causing them to think
it’s their fault. To think that no one can ever be trusted again, and heaven-forbid they
let anyone get to know the real them, they’ll be abandoned faster than a beachfront house
during hurricane season.
But talking about trauma can debunk these mistaken beliefs. Talking with
a therapist about how trauma has changed their worldview can help INFJs illuminate their
assumptions, forcing them to re-examine their destructive thought patterns.
Practicing self compassion
INFJs who have experienced trauma are likely to have a weaker judging function, which is
responsible for how INFJs reach conclusions and implement plans. With a weak judging function,
INFJs will start to rely on their introverted intuition for this. This is a problem as intuition
is how an INFJ perceives the world. This can therefore create a subjective lens from which
an INFJ perseveres the world, they will only be able to see one side of a problem as reflected
by their own thoughts and feelings.
INFJs can become incredibly hostile to feedback they don’t agree with as a result, completely
rejecting any perspective that doesn’t reaffirm their worldview.
This is likely a defense mechanism that helped them cope whilst experiencing their trauma.
However INFJs usually continue to use it, as a way to avoid looking at their flaws and
unhealthy behaviors.
However every human on earth has flaws and an INFJ needs to remember this, and practice
compassion for themselves.
An INFJ showing self-compassion means treating their worth as unconditional even when they
fall short of their own expectations, whether it’s through their behaviors or even just
their thoughts.
INFJs often have a difficult time processing and overcoming their pasts. They often fear
vulnerability and reliving past trauma, and as a result they can delay much self-growth
and healing.
Understanding how their history contributed to who they are today can be a terrifying
experience, however it can also be an incredibly rewarding one, capable of giving them greater peace,
freedom, and self-love.