(audience applauds)
(tone beeps) Name, please?
(audience exclaims) Thomas Middleditch.
(tone beeps) Listen, since I've met you,
I've nearly been incinerated, drowned, shot at,
chopped into fish bait or caught in the middle
of something sinister here. (audience chuckles)
My guess is Dad found out more than he was looking for.
Until I'm sure, I'm going to continue to do the things,
do things the way I think they should be done.
(audience laughs)
(whip thumps)
Ow! Sorry!
(tone beeps)
Yep, I know; I know.
(tone beeps) Name, please?
(audience cheers) My name?
I'm Billy Eichner.
(tone beeps) What is this?
Indiana, they're remaking Indiana Jones.
Why?
So what, he's gonna be bi now?
(audience laughs) Is it woke?
Leave me alone.
I don't like fast women.
I don't like women. (audience laughs)
(tone beeps) Name, please?
Sam Richardson. (tone beeps)
You know, one idea I had, since this is an reimagining,
that maybe this time, he'd love snakes.
Ohhh, I'm in heaven. (audience laughs)
Oh, they like me.
They may smell my snakes from home.
Do you have anybody to play the kid from
"Temple Of Doom" short round?
You know, I can do a pretty good Asian accent.
Please don't. It's pretty good.
It's pretty funny, and time me.
We're good, thanks though.
It's -- I think I'll do it anyway.
(tone beeps) (audience laughs)
(audience cheers) Hi, my name's Adam Scott,
and I'm auditioning for Indiana Jones.
(tone beeps)
(sand patters on floor)
Nah, that's too much, or I'll put some.
(audience laughs) No, let's go ahead
and put some back in there.
No, you know what?
I gotta take more out. (sand patters on floor)
This is.
This scene's -- you don't have to be exact.
No, it does need to be exact.
It's actually very precise.
I mean, I don't know about you,
but I don't a boulder rolling in here and killing all of us.
(audience laughs) So if you don't mind,
I'm gonna take a little more time with this.
Is that okay with you?
(audience exclaims and cheers)
See?
What did I tell you?
You know what?
This is mine.
(tone beeps) (audience cheers)
Hey. Name, please?
Seth Green.
(tone beeps) Hey, how are you?
I'm fine. (audience laughs)
He's great.
Seth is the only guy for the role.
(tone beeps)
(audience cheers) Name, please?
Tig Notaro.
(tone beeps)
Oh no, a giant boulder.
(audience laughs)
I always wondered why he didn't just move out of the way.
(tone beeps) (audience cheers)
Name, please? Mr. Kevin Sedgwick,
six, four.
(tone beeps) So let's see.
I was in "Animal House" with Karen Allen
who was in the "Raiders Of The Lost Ark."
(audience laughs) Sorry, what are you doing?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just seeing how many degrees of separation I am
from Indiana Jones.
It's two.
I was in "Murder In The First" with William H. Macy.
William H. Macy was in "Air Force One" with Harrison Ford,
the Harrison Ford who is Indiana Jones.
So that's three.
(chuckles) I could do this all day, really.
(audience laughs)
(tone beeps) But there's also
the option of, you know Seth, they're doing sidekicks.
Right? Um-hmm.
Yeah, I've been working on this character.
His name's Smitty.
Say, man. (audience laughs)
What the heck?
And you know, it's kinda at the end, right?
And you know, they're liftin' up the lead.
And Indiana's like, "Don't look!"
And Smitty's kinda like, "Well yeah,
it's the Ark of the Covenant."
"Deal with it." (audience laughs)
Okay, thank you.
Thank you, Thomas. Oh, okay.
(tone beeps) (audience cheers)
So name, please? Dan Chadle.
I thought it was Don Cheadle.
Well, everybody thinks something,
and then, they get corrected.
Dan Chadle. (audience chuckles)
Does he have lasers that shoot out of his chest?
Not traditionally.
You know, let's add that.
Throw that in.
I'll pay for it. (audience chuckles)
Zheeeoo! (audience laughs)
Zhoo, zhoo, zhoo, the sound effect, you just put those in.
Oh, this is for free.
Zhoo, zhoo. What are you doing?
Yeah, attitude,
zhoo, pew, pew. (audience laughs)
So what are you doing? What?
Did you see the movie?
Yes. Okay.
(audience laughs) Can you just--
I'm the boulder!
♪ Giant boulder, that's my name ♪
♪ Giant boulder, that's my claim to fame ♪
♪ Giant boulder, on your ass ♪
♪ Giant boulder, the boulder ♪
Zhoo, zhoo, zhoo. (audience cheers and applauds)