You think they're gone. You think they're dead, buried, ghosted off into the wilderness of the
universe, never to return to your dating life. And then you get a text like this, or this.
Or this. The ghost is back from the dead. And as many fantasies I have about zombies
and killing them with skillets, it's not fun when it happens in your dating life.
So how do you deal with a returned ghoster?
How do you deal with this guy that comes back from the dead and how do you
see if there's any actual chance that he could be serious about you versus is he just wasting
more of your time? So there's a few different timeframes to ghosters. I'm going to show you
how to deal with each of these undead minions, depending on how long, how long that point is.
So there's a few different types of ghosts, and depending on the ghosts you're dealing with
and how long that ghost has happened, you're going to get different types of guys
and situations here.
The first is the short term guy. So this is the guy where you've been talking
to him every day or most days, and then you don't hear from him for a few days a week,
even a couple of weeks. And he pops back up like, nothing's happened.
"Oh, how you going? Hey, what'd you been up to?"
And you're sitting there thinking, going, "Well, wait, I didn't hear from you for a
week while I just assumed you were disinterested." It is important with all
these types of ghosts that you call them out on it. That's one of the big pieces here,
but it'll be more subtle or more strong depending on the type of ghost.
So when you call the short term guy out, again,
you're just first doing it with the assumption that something's happened to him
or something wasn't right. You're saying, "Hey, has everything been alright?
I didn't hear from you." And then listen, really listen to the short term guy's
reasons. Does he give you a really solid reason? Is there an explanation there?
Is he aware of it? And does he take responsibility or does he pretend like
it didn't happen? That's the worst sign. If you get the guy who sort of denies or pretends,
"No, what are you talking about? I was just busy." That kind of rubbish.
That's a sign for the short term guy that he's just going to keep doing this. Now,
one of the first things you want to check here is the obvious stuff.
So has something happened to him? It's best to assume the best. Well, if the
guy has been in trouble or if he was just away,
or something happened, then you're not criticizing him for that.
So saying something like, "Hey, was everything okay with you? I didn't hear from you
for a while. Checking in."
You're kind of sub-communicating that, "Yeah, you've been away. If you're a good guy, this
is the time to explain yourself to me." And then you really listen for what he says. And he says,
"Hey, yeah, I'm so sorry. My dad got sick and there's been stuff going on. Then you
can reassure him that. Yeah, you'd want to hear that stuff in the future.
"You know, let me know.
I'm always here for you when stuff is happening for you."
Now, this doesn't excuse the behavior.
And obviously, if someone is there for every day, you're hearing from them all the
time and then disappearing for a week at a time, that could be an indication of how
they handle stress. And it can be a strong indicator they're not in a good space for a
relationship right now. What you're really listening for with these short term ghosts
is what stress has caused you to do this.
And then how are you going to handle that in the future? Are you just going to duck away
for a few days a week again, or are we going to be able to do this better next time? Again,
always assume the best, but once someone does this the first time you have to start to
think, well, are they going to do this again? And be listening, very important to listen for
the reasons behind it and their explanations. But if he's not able to give a good reason,
or if he's in denial about it, that's not going to be your man, the second group of ghosts
that come back to life are your mid-range guys. And these guys are some of the most
frustrating because they've left it long enough for you to basically get over them
and assume they are not interested, but not so long that anything major is likely to
happen in their life. And they've had a big revelation.
You're at that frustrating midpoint where you finally feel like you're getting over
someone, and then they come back. And these are the guys that you want to
call out the most aggressively.
So the guy might send you a text that says, "Hey," or "Hi," or whatever, dumb
sh*t they send you. And start by sending something nonchalant back.
"Oh, hi. Hey, how are you?"
Something very simple, very plain and listen for his motives because a
lot of these guys will come back when they just want attention or when they're just
bored. And that's not something you want to be dealing with.
So listen for what he says after that, if he says, "Hey, can I see you?" or wants to
invest more? That's a great time to call him out.
If this is just someone who's wanting attention, or if he just says, "Oh, what's up with you?"
You may not even want to deal with it at all. These are some of the worst ghosters
and they're the ones that will come back and kind of tether themselves to you if you
let them. So if you do call them out, if you decide that, "Hey, this guy actually seems
to want to meet up with me again after ghosting, how do I deal with this?" Like I
say, you call them out. Say, "Hey, what happened?
Where'd you go? We're going to meet up. I didn't hear from you. What went on with you?"
Call them out directly over texts. And you're listening for something very
powerful to go ahead with these guys again. What you are really listening
for is something like, "I'm so, so sorry. Had some major life events happened.
Let me give you a call and I can explain." You're listening for something ground
shaking, something revolutionary that gives this person a legitimate reason to
have disappeared for a couple of months without giving you, without communicating
why to you. Only if you hear that very legitimate reason, and the guy appears to have a whole
heap of motivation to make it up to you, would you even give these mid-level guys the
time of day. And the third is the long-range ghosters. Your guys that come back from the
dead after six months or more, or the guys you thought you'd never hear from again.
And they come back in your life and say,
"Hey, how you doing? How's it going?" Now, the interesting thing about these guys is sometimes
enough time may have passed for something to actually be different for them, something
significant. And maybe, just maybe there's a chance that they could have a good story and be
a changed person. This is especially true if years have passed. So again, you want to call them out.
"Hey, whatever happened to you? Six months ago, we were chatting. Hey, what went on a
year ago? I was keen to meet up with you." Call them out. You can do it in a fun way and
you can be playful about it. I remember a
woman actually did this to me. She didn't show up, well, she didn't know I booked a
time for our lunch. And six months later, I heard from her again,
"Hey, how's it going?" And so I sent her a text, "Hey stranger, great to hear from you.
You're six months late for our lunch." And she then explained herself following
that. So again, call them out. You can do it playfully and listen for awareness.
You want to make sure that they are aware and acknowledge, responsibility.
You want to make sure that they take responsibility. So them saying
something like, "Yeah, honestly, that was super, super shit of me.
I felt really bad about it."
And then finally, his reason. "I actually lost my dad at the time and was going through
a bunch of stuff personally. Had to make some changes in my life. And I'd love to
reconnect." Awareness, responsibility, and reason.
Once you've heard that reason, and if you're convinced that
the reason is solid enough, that you'd be willing to meet up with the person or give
them a chance to at least hear from them again, you're looking for that consistency
of action. One thing that all the ghosters have in common is you don't let them make
this mistake twice.
If they do it once with a great reason, a great explanation and committed action
to making it up to you, you'd forgive the first mistake if those things are in place,
but you can only kill a zombie once, right? If that mistake happens again,
it's done. Don't be going back there and don't be having them take up your emotional
bandwidth. When there's other guys who will be far more consistent, available to you
and wanting to date you. So bottom line, short-term, ghosters assume the best but
prepare for the worst. Mid-term ghosters call them out on their BS. Long-term
ghosters, see if the story has changed there, and if it has, give them a chance but always
be listening for that consistent action. I hope that deals with the ghosts that come back
to life in your life. Let me know as well in the comments what texts have you had.
I'd love to hear it and I can, even me and my team can even give some responses
for you in the comment section below, grab a copy of your book from the description.
It's awesome. And I will see you in the next video real soon.