- I like online dating because I could do it without my pants on.
- Shut up!!!
- Man, there's nothing to eat.
Hey, dude, check it out.
Got this groupon for this new place called Eat My Wiener. Two free huge wieners if you bring a date.
- Sweet.
I love three wieners.
- Yeah, me too, but it's for couples only.
- Well, we could bring our clones.
- No, that ended pretty bad last time, remember?
(distant scream)
- Oh, yeah.
- Why don't we just try to get real dates?
- Like...
girl dates?
- Yeah.
- All right, let's go get some hookers.
- What? No. We need to get girls the way guys have been getting them for thousands of years.
(techno music)
- (Austrian accent) Hello, my name is Claus
Winklestein. I hear that you are looking for the women to go on the date and have the sex, yeah?
Claus promises you gets the perfect match on my website. Or I'll let you marry my supple wife.
- Wait, what?
- Submit your photo below and get with the womens.
(whispering) Or the men.
Right now, oh-ho-ho-ho.
(flirtatious chuckle)
- This looks perfect!
- Well, guess it's worth a shot.
This is my sexiest picture.
Nice!
- All right, my turn.
(types)
Such a hot photo.
- Oh...
Yeah, it probably just messed up, heh. Uh, refresh?
Come on. Seriously?
- Dude, you can't be so picky. Look, widen your search results a little bit.
- Dude, this sucks!
- Wait, didn't that Claus guy promise you a match or you could marry his wife?
- Hmm...
- ♪ Smoothie schnitzel, smoothie schnitzel. ♪
♪ My buzz likes smoothie schnitzel. ♪
(phone vibrating) Oh.
(beep)
Oh! Claus will not
lose his supple wife to some
wiener loving snoodle noodle. Come on, Claus. It can't be that hard to find him a girl.
(beep) Oh,
my Sauerkraut.
His face looks like Grandma Volfenhausen's
arsenstein.
- Hey, did your date show up yet?
- OH. Uh, yeah, she's running a little late.
So she's just gonna meet us there.
- Sweet, mine too, but first I have to melt these candles. My date says she likes her men
waxed or something? I don't know, whatever. Free wieners! WOO!
- (halfheartedly) Yeah.
Free wieners.
- Oh!
That's good. You know I like that, Pocky.
(phone vibrating)
Pocky, Claus doesn't get it. He looks all over the interwebs, and he find no matches for this ugly Ian boy.
(soft whimper)
- (whispering)
- (emotional gasp)
Come on, Pocky. You know Claus doesn't want to give his supple wife. He'd do anything but that.
That's brilliant, Pocky! Go gets Claus a dress.
- Hey, glad you made it. Where's your date?
- Don't you mean my new wife? Honey?
Nice.
Look at that rack.
- (cracks up)
- Mmm... whoa.
- Hi there, sweetie.
- She looked better online.
- I'm here for the free wieners, yeah. Come give me a kissenshloppen.
- No, no, no. No, no!
No! No, no.
NO!
Maybe later, yeah?
- Well, uh, I guess it's time for me to call out my date so we can get some free wieners, huh?
- Oh, I love wiener.
- Oh date, you can come out now.
- My supple wife?
- Claus?
- What?
- What the hell?!
- What are you doing here with this...
this...
sphincter hammer?
- I'm tired of being put up for auction by you and taken for granted, and...
Why are you wearing my clothes?
- Oh, uh...
Claus didn't want you to have to marry this ugly Ian boy, just cuz a stupid bet
he made. I love you too much, my supple wife.
- Oh.
I love you too, Clausy-poo!
(both wailing)
- Come.
Let's get away from these creepy snoodle noodles. Yeah?
(playful laughter)
- Wow, I almost married a dude.
- Well, it technically doesn't count if he's dressed like a girl. Trust me. I know from experience.
- Can I interest you young boys in some wiener?
- Well, we have this groupon, but it only gives you a free wiener if you bring a date.
- Wait, I
know where we could get some...
"women."
- Oh, yes!
(loud munching)
- Oh, dude.
(flies buzzing) They're starting
to smell really bad.
(flies buzzing)
- Whatever. I'm happy as long as I got a wiener in my mouth.
- Hey, you ever think people might think we're talking about something else when we're talking about wieners?
- No. Hey, watch me take two wieners at once.
(laughing jovially) My mouth
is so full of wiener!
(laughter)
- To see bloopers and
the alternate scenes,
click the video right here,
snoodle noodles.
- Hoes love them powder mashed taters.
- If you click the subscribe button, I'll give you my
supple
wife.
- Wait. What?