Feeling ashamed of any sexual desire any sexual feeling that you may have growing
up obviously when you're ready to have sex and all kind of come back and and stops you
the woman feels she has two personality inside of her what should I do who should
I listen to should I think about my parents because they kept on threatening me when I
was younger or should I live my life because you only live once or should I listen to God
because actually Haram or should I really not do it because it's free but it's not
accepted by the society so the woman's brain is going through hell already you know what I mean
Hi my name is Hami. I was born in Syria but I lived most of
my life in Saudi hi I'm Fatma I'm Egyptian hi I'm hadil I'm
Lebanese I am Abdullah I'm Palestinian hi I'm Sefan I'm from Tunisia [Music]
In my country it is impossible to see any form of public displays of affection nudity or sex
in the media three two one I was so eager to go in between but it really depends right now I've
seen shows where they're trying to show some people kissing like couples kissing but it's
very rare very rare nudity is yeah no it's like it doesn't happen sex doesn't happen back home
but in Tunisia long story short just don't kiss in public you'll get two months of prison
that's all you know what's funny in Lebanon like there's certain cars that are female so windows
are blacked out and then the second you see a car that's blacked out you would be like oh my
God this guy bought this car because they they want to do like dirty things with that girl into
it yeah so now they you have to get an actual agreement from the police to get your uh car
locked out tinted yeah there's like certain alleys that are known that those are the kissing alleys
in Egypt you don't get like you don't go to jail but every society member is a person of the police
They would know, they will attack the couple
yeah of course we're talking about a heterosexual couple like we're not talking about like if they
were a gay couple that's another story but if they're a heterosexuals- is that even allowed? nothing is
allowed yeah nothing is allowed but like you would go without warning or like minor aggression if you
were heterosexual I see it's interesting hearing you guys because like like you you both step
forward but Palestinians at least the way that we view like Lebanese is a very open-minded like like
the I guess the media that we see or the people or the influencers it's like this is kind of normal
so it was interesting to see that the only reason why I step forward she mentioned sexual action in
public yeah that's not there that's the only thing just don't kiss and again it's here it's what you
think of opennesses right openness like it doesn't mean that you have to show public affection
openness and Liberation with your mind that's openness and has anyone seen nudity ever I have
my share of male parts unsolicited on the streets of course that's sexual harassment not
with my approval at all wow I would be like doing something going somewhere and somebody's like just
see this it's very interesting and I'm like no it's not ah thank you like that that is nudity
like for us it's not about anything fun we have inhibit yeah private nude beaches yes everything
is still not allowed not for Tunisians you know [ __ ] for tourism okay so but interesting we're
not talking about like the culture right you're talking about the bigger picture
there's definitely Pockets where it's allowed but if you're talking about the bigger picture walking
down the street it's very rare that you would find something like that even Saudi itself there
are areas where like compounds huge areas private areas where locals are not even allowed in where
it's it's a whole different world like everything is a lot dating is a lot of drinks it's like a lot
more Saudi yeah yeah right but these areas are like very like very not anyone can go in it is
tree so it's very common to date in secret three two one
people are supposed to get married right away they're not supposed to meet if you touch each
other to just you know talk to each other before marriage but of course that doesn't happen at all
for example my dad married out of his immediate family and at that time it was it was very
um abnormal people you know married their cousin so it was kind of difficult for my
dad's family to accept my my mom came from another family and so uh you know you really
are from a young age expected to marry from a certain group of people there really really
isn't a lot of dating or anything like that it's kind of set. During my time in Saudi it
was very vagabond to go on dates and date people you really had to do it in secret there
was like police was were out there to get you if you're on a date when we talk about
it means dating going out like knowing each other before we pretend in front of the parents that we
just met yeah or pretending you're going to do homework and then there's like some no-go places
on a day you know you might see like your aunt or somebody that might snitch on you I dated my
first husband for a long while until he went to my brother and told him that I just seen her last
week and I want to know her better and we were just we've been dating for a year or something
marriage proposals and engagement parties are over the top in my country three two one you
just jump yeah crazy over the top it's like it doesn't make sense everyone has loans everyone
is in that I don't even know where they get the money and all they care about is this extrovert
like the fireworks and the flower and I'm like oh my God and and the sad thing is is the bride
doesn't even enjoy her day unfortunately we're very critical of everything so everyone is always
like oh my God they have to find something that's not nice so the bride ends up being so overwhelmed
with all those comments that the things went wrong instead of the good things and the whole planning
thing and the whole financial thing is just very overwhelming and because of the culture pressures
like you always have to make sure that oh my God everything is over or so on the job yeah
so off I mean so that adds unnecessary pressure on the bride and the groom I guess yeah that's
why sometimes they keep people in marriage even the couple they're not happy just you stay there
for the image and social image and stuff oh yeah even like buying stuff for the Newlywed
couple like for the house like you can't buy like pots and fans you can't buy a set you have to buy
like four or five sets even if nobody's gonna use that you have to buy a lot of everything
towels you have to buy like 15 towels instead of three adventures and this is the way it goes and
they invite people to see what we have to just look at it and you know know how rich we are and
uh and yeah it's all about what people would say that's true that's funny because this is
It's really true before even the wife goes to her house people who comes to her place just
to see and really see everything unfortunately like also women at a certain age when they hit a
certain age and back home they feel that pressure that oh my God I need to find a husband I need to
find someone so their choice isn't really out of okay I'm really getting to get married with this
person because I love him or like he's the bright partner no I'm getting I want to marry him because
okay my you know what is the family gonna say the family is gonna say I don't know what that
is in English but there's no translation for that word board like yeah like if you're beyond
a certain age and you didn't get married you're definitely judged yeah but even even for men at
To be honest - this is a topic that I was actually talking to my friend. Like
for men if they don't get married after a certain time they would think right away they also they
would associate it with homosexuality that he's homosexual I think something that's growing in
the philosophy that's really nice and I I like seeing it at weddings and proposals is a lot
of people take it as an opportunity to show off their Heritage and their culture like the
tantris and the the Traditions I know a lot of Palestinians are going back to uh the The
Villages that their parents are from or their grandparents are from to have their weddings
there and restoring mosques and churches there to have their wedding so it's it's definitely
very uh that's very nice I'm very proud of our hospitality and our culture but I I don't know
if we're doing it for the right reasons I feel because we care so much about what other people
think we're not doing it out of humility yeah I actually agree with you that it generates a lot
of problems like sexual frustration because people are not unable to get married or like
they're forbidden to just touch each other when you're engaged any day if you go on with your
fiance must be chaperoned by a male family member three two one no because now it's Halal right so
now it's known to the public so what's the point and it depends on how strict the family is yes
and how religious they are yeah but generally no not in Egypt yeah some families they say like I'm
okay with you dating but it's you have to come to the house so it's within our territory yeah
I think at least in Palestine's case that might be the case in some areas it depends on how religious
or conservative area is but definitely I think in eraza at least it's a little bit more conservative
than other areas so you might see that but in my case the people that I've seen usually no that's
not needed and also in the cities when it's a big city no it's not when you go a little bit
inside of the country yeah it's more strict and more conservative more religious so it's a no
and something else I think it's funny because back at the time women used to be like very
strict with their daughters but then when the daughter grew up the mom asked her daughter and
okay to have anyone you're dating you're seeing for to be to to propose and then how that come
if you're not letting me talk to anyone so really things have changed at least for the last 10 years
so it's quite different it's funny you say that like I find my mom way stricter than my dad in
that sense and I would think that my mom would relate more to me and like she would be more
understanding but I'm like no yeah a woman must be a virgin before she gets married three two one
come on of course what do you want them to say it's a yes obviously women go have sex and then
a lot of women are not virgins and then they go there we have surgeries to actually pretend it's
there yeah to make the woman virgin again so when she gets married it's like you can fool
him exactly and I know that there are some but I think those are the very conservative
traditional families like small groups that they still need proof of blood to prove that
health of the woman like you want to talk more about that you don't want this video to be sad
women can't have sexual desire they can't they can't want things sex is one very important thing
that they can't want and no like all women have to be virgins and even like in the Islamic way of
marriage they have to say when if somebody's if a woman is getting remarried omit the word version
out of the what they normally say so it's a big thing and women are pressured to maintain their
virginity they have the same surgery in Egypt sometimes they have things that they put they
have colors yeah all sorts of stuff and yeah it's tough and in some areas as well they have somebody
to just with a white piece of cloth to just go in and have it stained with blood to show that
this woman was never touched before and yeah the people will be waiting outside for you to come yes
everybody will just cheer yay and I've had a lot of conversations with my male friends about that
about like why would a male not be okay with a female if she's not a virgin and a lot of the
responses I got I think is very egocentric is because it's like like because they're worried
that if she's seen something else how would like she might not like me or you know so it's better
for her just to see one thing and stick to it it's a very taboo I'd be for a man to accept for
like you mentioned it comes from insecurities a lot of like um she's seen somebody else she
had sex with somebody else so she must be thinking about it all the time but we Islamic religion right
like religion is always the reason why yeah or even Society like I know like for example in
Philistine Bedouins they're not that religious compared to normal Palestinians but you also
have the rules you have Christian Palestinians you have a lot of different communities I don't
think it only comes down to religion because all of these communities are that I've spoken
to kind of share this need for uh you know the woman to be a version in order for them to be
married yeah yes this is what the norm is just it's all that they're exposed to especially this
is something that is like never even considered so you're a virgin when you're let's say 1920
So do you wait until 27 28. so really that's the thing actually because if you do program a woman
to be like that and if she's growing close up and when she got a chance to do so she actually will
find like a blockage in herself so it's even deeper than just what is Haram or like
it's not acceptable at Society but it actually rules the woman's brain more because even if
she's free enough and she's held all conditions to do whatever she wants she won't be able to do
it because it's in there so it's another trauma that you have to deal with and fix her life with
but yes usually some they decide not to until they get married even at third is a plus or
some they don't they just live their life but there is still this the woman feels she has two
personalities inside of her what should I do who should I listen to should I think about my parents
because they kept on threatening me when I was younger or should I live my life because they
only live once or should I listen to God because actually Haram or should I really not do because
it's but it's not accepted by the society so the woman's brain is going through hell already
you know what I mean so it's like it's very it's just there's no answer for this question
it really depends whether it's a deeper question deeper problem which is the trauma that woman is
actually living so it's a big thing I promise you from a lot of friends yeah and a lot of women when
they reach that age to be honest like I speak from experience and I speak from my friends as
well men are not that interested to actually have sex with a virgin woman at that age because they
don't want to hold that responsibility of them taking the virginity of an of someone that old
listen she's She's suffering I promise yeah it's a lot of shame that you like sex associated with
a lot of Shame exactly you come to life the moment you can't comprehend what shame is it
gets brought up and when you live all your life feeling ashamed of any sexual desire any sexual
feeling that you may have growing up obviously when you're ready um to have sex and all kind
of come back and and stop you from it will make it make it a scary experience yeah she needs to
make peace with it like we accept it as a normal activity a normal thing and just take off that
shame which is like hard for someone who's old enough to do so yeah so yeah and not only that
because like imagine a woman that's been like that right is taken away from her she doesn't even know
what pleasure is right so when the actual sexual yeah experience happened she thinks that this is
only happening to please the man so the man as long as he gets pleased that's enough she's not
thinking that she's gonna enjoy it yeah no she's not supposed to she's not supposed to
the long story short a lot of work need to be done on a mental side for the woman to herself
really to herself to just to accept to tolerate to just love herself and and just say like it's fine
you raised maybe in a different era or whatever but just it is fine but that doesn't mean that
we have the other side of women that don't care they're very open-minded and everything and they
explore we have everything but a lot of mental problems are involved I think the views on sex
have also changed like like you know 20 years ago 30 years ago yes people would have just you know
sex just for babies to have many kids like I have many siblings nowadays people are having much
fewer kids so maybe that that might be changing from my experience at least the expectation for
men who like you know they explain to me a version they're still not expecting the woman
to just sit there and just have sex I think the expectation is that she's still gonna do
all the things that a very experienced person will do be there to pleasure you enjoy it and
do all these things that they would watch in porn without ever having sex before yeah
that's a crazy expectation but it is definitely there can I tell you why they're not doing any of
the things [Applause] no normally like unmarried women they wait but if they don't want to wait
they would do anything and everything except for the Intercourse which will ruin the virginity but
knowing it or not knowing it we are all told as kids you have to pretend you don't know
anything like is that kissing I don't know do people do like stuff like this like you
have to pretend you don't know anything or you would give a bad impression thank you
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