hi there is your IELTS writing stuck at 6.5 by any chance I know it might be
hard to understand why so in this video we're gonna take a piece of writing that
would probably get 6.5 and transform it into a band eight piece stay with me and
first of all you need to understand what we're talking about so let me show you
the task some people prefer to rent accommodations while others buy their
own home does renting a house or apartment have more advantages than
buying one so this is an essay about advantages and
disadvantages of renting versus buying and I'm about to show you one of the
body paragraphs it contains some mistakes how many can you find monthly
rents are typically lower than mortgage payments for a similar property for this
reason some people choose to rent their accommodations
however buying a home is cheaper than renting one over the long term there are
such shows that average mortgage is twenty four year long this means that
most people fully repay their mortgages while they're earning the most and have
less expenses during retirement although rent payments only go up with
time because property values are always rising okay I'm going to tell you there
are five mistakes here please pause the video and find all of them and then
resume the video once y'all ready okay ready here is the first one lower than
mortgage payments when we compare things we use them with an ace not with an e an
average mortgage the article is missing here actually missing articles is one of
the most common mistakes in arts writing next 24 years long it should be plural
actually we say a 24 year mortgage but the mortgage is 24 years long the
noun expense is countable it means we say fewer expenses less is
only used with uncountable nouns and the last one
how many mistakes have you found tell me in comments so how do those mistakes
affect the skull they will probably drag it down to 66.5 because in order to get
a seven you're only allowed to make some mistakes
it means several mistakes in your essay not five mistakes in several sentences
so once we correct all the mistakes this piece could probably get a seven but not
more why because it lacks complexity both in terms of vocabulary and grammar
let me show you how we could rewrite these body paragraphs to boost the score
while using exactly the same ideas let's read the first two sentences monthly
rents are typically lower than mortgage payments for similar property for this
reason some people choose to rent their accommodations both sentences are simple
but we could merge them into one complex sentence some individuals choose to rent
accommodations because monthly rents are typically lower than mortgage payments
for a similar property we used the word because to form this complex sentence
I've also replaced the word people with the word individuals to avoid
unnecessary word repetition next however buying a home is cheaper than renting
one over the long term the sentence is quite simple let me show you my version
despite this appeal purchasing a home carries most significant long-term
benefits from a financial perspective however is a good link but in this case
we could use a more complex linking phrase despite this appeal this
peel is lower monthly payments and we talked about it in the previous sentence
so by using it here we link of a sentence to the previous sentence and we
tell the reader that we are about to introduce a counter-argument a4 work for
buying is purchasing and the phrase buying is cheaper than renting is quite
simple use more formal words and phrases when you can mine is purchasing a home
carries more significant long-term benefits from a financial perspective
you can see that the sentence structure and vocabulary are much more complex
in the second version right let's have a look at the next sentence
the research shows that an average mortgage is 24 years long
this is a very simple sentence let's try to merge it with the next one which is
this means that most people fully repay their mortgages while they're earning
the most and have few expenses during retirement
so here is my new merged sentence with an average mortgage of 24 years common
most people fully repay this during their most productive years and can then
enjoy a higher disposable income during retirement this is a complex grammatical
structure I've also used some less common words for example most productive
years instead of earning the most high disposable income instead of fewer
expenses it's not a mistake to use words in the first example those
are good words too but in order to get a band-aid you do need to use the less
common words but only if you can do so correctly okay let's move on
in contrast rent payments only go up this time
because property values are always rising see the link because it means
it's a complex sentence which is great already but to get a bent 8 we need to
show that we can use a variety of complex structures so I'm gonna use
something called a participant phrase and contrast rent payments only increase
with time common reflecting a Verizon property values reflecting is a
participant and it's a banking 9 grammar there are several types of participant
resist and if you want to learn how to use them just google participa phrases
I've also changed some of the words from go up to increase and from rising to
ever rising to summarize in order to get about 8 or let's say ab + 7 + you should
try to avoid mistakes use less common words correctly and use a variety of
complex grammatical structures which makes other videos to learn how to write
complex IELTS sentences and enjoy your festive season Merry Christmas and a
Happy New Year