Thanos actor Josh Brolin spent twenty-five years of his life entertaining relationships
he knew he was not ready for.
And by relationships, we mean two marriages, and one of them was to Under the Tuscan Sun
actress Diane Lane . Wanting to know your lover's weaknesses to help them get stronger
is one thing, but trying to find what they need the most so you can become that need
is a totally different story.
And that is exactly what the Old Boy actor admitted to.
For years he could not cultivate great relationships because he was too focused on breaking his
partners down to the point where they needed him to fix them up again.
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After a called-off engagement and two failed relationships, Brolin finally found the right
way to love after tying the knot for the third time to his current wife, Kathryn Boyd . Things
may seem to be perfect now, but they weren't always that way.
With his father, James Brolin and Barbra Streisand’s marriage to look to as an example, one would
think that little Brolin would grow up to make all the right decisions when it comes
to keeping a relationship alive.
However, It was his fathers third marriage that lasted longer than the rest.
And it seems his son has followed in his father's footsteps.
Brolin struggled to take the huge leap into his third marriage because there was something
very terrifying that he had to do.
His relationship with Boyd forced him to face his flaws and question why he did certain
things in the past.
In previous relationships, the actor confessed that he would dig up his partner's insecurities
and needs.
Then, he would try and pinpoint what was missing from their life and then try and compensate
for it.
"I'm going to find out all your needs and all your insecurities, and all that, and then
I'm going to play on that," he admitted.
"Like, you need a daddy?
I'll be your daddy.
I'll be your hero."
Brolin realized he had "hero syndrome", using their insecurities, the actor would put his
partners in harmful situations just so he can resolve them and emerge as the hero.
And his marriage to Diane Lane was full of this.
Brolin admitted that when he was married to the actress, he was looking to be a hero;
he wanted to be the perfect husband to her and the perfect father to her daughter from
her former marriage.
Although the actress may have never asked him to take such a role, he already had the
habit of doing so.
And when the hero mentally became more and more unrealistic and hard for him to measure
up to, Brolin revealed that he grew resentful in his marriage.
"It just wasn't attainable, and in that hero mentality, you get exhausted, and then when
you get exhausted, you get resentful ... . I feel bad that I didn't have the presence of
mind or the maturity or whatever to understand that early on."
Although he felt this way towards the end of his marriage, things weren't rosy in the
beginning either.
The couple met back in 2002, were engaged the following year and said "I do" the year
after that.
They had both come out of previous marriages, Lane with Christopher Lambert and Brolin with
his first wife, Alice Adair . Both failed marriages left the two actors with children,
which they brought into their relationship.
Lane even shared that both their girls are the same age and could get along.
But shortly after the couple settled down, Berlin was on the news fighting off allegations
of domestic violence.
Lane had called police to their home, accusing her husband of hitting her.
The actor was arrested, but later Lane did not want to press charges and begged the police
to not arrest him.
"There was a misunderstanding at their home."
a spokesperson shared on the couple's behalf.
"They are home together and are embarrassed the matter went this far."
The pair stayed together for nine more years following the incident before finally settling
their divorce in 2014.
For years Brolin tried to defend his actions from that memorable night.
His past actions followed him like a dark cloud, and he wanted nothing more than to
clear his name.
But after his split from Lane, the actor tried to see his actions for what they were.
"I was more reactive, I was more, 'People need to know the truth,'" Brolin recalled.
"Whatever I say [now] is going to sound like compensation for a perpetrator.
I've gotten to a place where all that matters is that I have control over my behavior, and
at that time, it was a little more chaotic."
After they went their separate ways, Brolin was given another shot at real love with Kathryn.
She may be nineteen years younger than him, but it was Brolin who had a lot of growing
up to do before entering into his third marriage.
This time he had to drop the hero mentality because it would not work on Boyd.
Brolin found someone who didn't need him to rescue her or fill some type of emptiness.
"She doesn't need me…She never needed me."
the actor said.
The designer-turned model is the business owner of Midheaven Denim, a jeans label that
caters for women with long legs.
Her denim line is highly in demand at stores, with just one pair ranging from two hundred
and sixty-eight dollars.
The third time seems to be a charm for Brolin.
After meeting Kathryn, he discovered the secret to building and cultivating a successful marriage.
In the end, the actor realized that his role is not to play saviour or fill a void but
to be in a partnership with someone and love them for who they are.
Brolin also realized that although it is great to feel like you provide an unmatched need
in someone's life, it's better to feel wanted.
The thought that someone CHOSE him, rather than convincing them that they cannot live
without him, was far more soothing for the actor.
The two dated for some time before finally tying the knot in 2016.
Though their age gap made a lot of noise amongst the public, the couple has been going strong
ever since and have been considered the epitome of love in Hollywood.
Friends and family said that the two were destined to be together and that marriage
was just a cherry on top.
Just two years following their wedding, the couple welcomed a baby girl.
And two years after that, they welcomed her sister on Christmas day.
Brolin took to Instagram to explain the meaning behind their daughter's name, Chapel Grace.
"Everywhere we have traveled the one place Kathryn and I always found a great solace
in were chapels.
Not being particularly religious but a God feeling has heavily inundated our lives and
chapels have always been sanctuaries where we felt connectedly free to gives thanks."
the Avengers actor wrote.
Brolin shares two baby girls with his current wife.
Although his relationship with Lane was the longest, they did not have any kids together.
But his other two kids from his first marriage now have half-siblings that are YEARS apart.
Aside from their age gap, the newlyweds have not been in the press for much trouble.
In Fact, the only troubling news Brolin has appeared in since his marriage to Kathryn
is him loving his parents too much.
While the pandemic left many isolated from loved ones for a long time, Brolin and his
wife tried to find their way around the safety measures that were put into place.
During lockdown, the actor received backlash for a photo he posted on Instagram, which
exposed his visit to Brolin Snr and his Streisand.
Fans were instantly worried and did not hold back with the criticism.
The actor had not only put himself in danger but his elderly parents too.
After the public scrutiny, Brolin issues a video apologizing for his mistakes.
"My father lives next door to us, and we had a plan to go see them and not be near them.
And that plan was broken, and that's our responsibility."
Brolin thanked his followers for the humbling experience - saying that the most important
thing is to be there for one another during such a difficult time.
And remember that when people are taking things overboard, which may have been his initial
reaction or being overprotective, it's for a reason.
And he couldn't be more grateful to his fans for caring about him and his family.
Although there was a time the actor caused heartbreak just so he could feel great about
mending the same heart, it looks like he has come a long way since then.
Brolin seems more dedicated to cultivating a loving and happy environment where he can
build his family.
Sadly his self-realization journey came at the expense of others, two failed marriages
and other fleeting relationships.
But knowing this, the actor chose to come to terms with his past rather than run away
from it.
He was able to admit it to the whole world, but most importantly, he gained the courage
to admit it to himself.