Now, every single day since the inauguration,
Sean Spicer has been on the front lines
of Donald Trump's war against the media,
which, by the way, is not a normal thing, all right?
Everyone is like, oh, Donald Trump's war against--
That's not a normal thing.
Just keep reminding ourselves, it's not a normal thing.
So anyway, last night, Donald Trump
said to congressional leaders that he still believes
he would have won the popular vote
if millions wouldn't have voted illegally.
And, so, like a firefighter in Dubai...
Sean Spicer flew into action.
Does the president believe that millions voted illegally
in this election and what evidence do you have
of widespread voter fraud
in this election if that's the case?
I-I-I-- As I said, I think the president has believed that
for a while based on studies and information he has.
I-- And I think w-w-we'll see where we go from here.
Uh-oh-see-and-uh-uh-or-- Uh, and, you know-- Uh, yeah.
You know, Sean Spicer probably thinks he looks smooth
like those firefighters in Dubai,
but he ended up looking a lot more like this guy.
Fox 5 Morning News starts... look over there.
And it starts right now!
(laughter and applause)
Oh.
I feel like that's the perfect metaphor
for Trump's presidency so far.
It starts right now.
This is Sean Spicer's job, Trump bull(bleep).
And he's the guy who's agreed
to go out every day with the air freshener.
And by the way, not good air freshener.
You know that air freshener that just makes things worse?
You know, like, when you walk in
and now you smell the (bleep) and the air freshener?
You know that?
Where you walk in the room and you're like, ah!
I think someone took a (bleep) on some old lemons.
-What's going on in this room? -(laughter)
What's going on in this room?
But who is Sean Spicer?
Who is he?
Well, we'll find out in today's installment
of Profiles in Tremendousness.
I have the most dedicated people.
I have the best people.
Now, Sean Spicer first joined the Trump campaign
in the middle of 2016,
and, uh, that was back when the Trump campaign
was like one of those busses in India.
It was swerving all over the place,
people were getting thrown off, other people were climbing on,
and there was always stories of women being groped.
-But Spicer turned out -(audience exclaiming)
to be a great choice for press secretary,
because it turns out he's been dealing
with the biased media all of his life.
MAN (on radio):
College kids are mean, man.
Because "Spicer" is not even close to "sphincter."
They just wanted to call him Sean Sphincter.
Which is messed up-- it sounds like a mascot
for a medical school, that's what that sounds like.
Let's go, Sphincters!
Push, push, push, push, push, push!
(exclaims)
And you know college nicknames stay with you for life.
Even yesterday in the press room,
there was one reporter who wouldn't let it go.
A
What?
-A sphincter says what? -What?
Exactly.
Now... Now, other than his nickname,
there are a few things worth knowing about Sean Spicer.
He used to work for Reince Priebus.
Uh, he served in the navy. And he's been in
a five-year Twitter war with Dippin' Dots.
For the better part of the past, oh, five years,
press secretary Sean Spicer
has had a very public feud with Dippin' Dots.
REPORTER:
the sweet treat in the past. Some tweets include
"Dippin' Dots is
You know what... No, no, you know what, you know what?
That's one thing Sean Spicer is not lying about.
Dippin' Dots are
You know why?
Because there's no ice cream in the future
because the world's too hot because Donald Trump
doesn't believe in climate change, he's gonna
gut carbon regulations and just today
he signed an executive order slashing
the environmental review process for all new development.
Now I want ice cream. (crying)
I want ice cream so badly.
Mmm.
But, uh, if there's one thing...
I was thinking about the ice cream. Sorry. I was...
I really love ice cream.
If there's one thing you need to know about Sean Spicer,
it's this: he chews and swallows
at least 35 pieces of Orbit cinnamon gum
every day.
Chews and swallows.
Now... now, if that's true,
that's horrifying.
For Orbit gum.
Because that's a huge dilemma.
This famous dude is saying he uses your product,
but not in the way you want. You know?
It would be like if Mario Batali was like,
"KitchenAid spatulas are the best
for sticking up your ass!"
Molto bene!
I mean, to me, swallowing 35 pieces of gum every day
sounds dangerous, but Spicer is chill about it.
In fact, he said, "I talked to my doctors about it,
he said it's no problem."
And my first thought after hearing that is,
"Okay, cool, but is your doctor
Donald Trump's doctor, by any chance?"
Actually, it-it really made me think:
is it dangerous to chew and swallow 35 pieces of gum?
To find out, I've decided to test it myself
on Ronny Chieng.
(cheering, applause)
What's up, Ronny?
-Hey, what's up? -Uh... -AUDIENCE: Ronny! Ronny! Ronny!
uh, can you chew and swallow all of this gum?
Okay.
W-Wait, wait, you... don't you want to know what it's about?
Hey, free gum is free gum.
Okay, fini... finish it backstage.
We'll-we'll check in with you later. Ronny Chieng, everybody.
-Ronny Chieng. -(cheering, applause)
35 pieces of gum. Just keep chewing the gum.
Keep chewing.
So... so, okay, so now we're on the same page.
And now that you know a bit about who Sean Spicer is,
let's go back to yesterday, when Spicer
marched his belly full of gum in front of the press corps
for his first press briefing.
Uh, well, he said it was his first, but it-it wasn't.
Uh, he came out on Saturday to lie about how many people
were at Trump's inauguration.
But let's agree that it was his first, even though it wasn't.
Alternative facts. Whatever. We keep it moving.
So... so yesterday... yesterday Spicer took questions
for the first time about the most important topics
facing America, like the economy,
and whether numbers are important in it.
-SPICER: What's the average? -What's the... What... No.
Are you talking about whether or not we include the full...
I-I mean, the Bureau of Labor Statistics puts it out.
No, no, no, I... It's not a question of what I accept.
It's not just a number to him.
He's not focused on statistics as much as he is on whether
or not the American people are doing better as a whole...
-(audience groans) -W... Wait.
Did he just say unemployment isn't a number,
it's a feeling?
This guy would be the worst ESPN reporter ever.
"And what a Super Bowl, Jim.
"Final score, Patriots, Falcons, feeling good in America.
Back to you guys in the studio."
(cheering and applause)
The unemployment rate
It's 4.7%, which is really low.
The reason the Trump administration won't say
the actual unemployment number is because, if they do,
in seven months, they won't be able to take credit
for when it drops to nine percent.
But the most revealing part of yesterday's session
was when Spicer took, uh, the media to task
for their coverage of the new administration.
There is this constant theme to undercut
the enormous support that he has,
and I think it's just unbelievably frustrating
when you're continually told it's not big enough,
it's not good enough, you can't win.
The default narrative is always negative,
and it's demoralizing.
It's so weird that after spending a year and a half
watching Donald Trump bully his way to the White House,
now that he's in power, all his team can do
is complain about him getting bullied.
That's such an insane thing. Which reminds me,
-Ronny, get back out here! Ronny! Ronny! -Hey. What's up?
-What's up? -(cheering and applause)
And?
Uh, I swallowed the gum, and, uh, I feel fine.
What, like, completely fine?
Yeah. Yeah, you guys need to lay off Sean Spicer, okay?
Just because he swallowed 35 pieces of gum
doesn't mean anything weird's gonna happen.
(laughter)
(cheering and applause)
You-you got a... Ronny Chieng, everybody.