(Questioner): Sadhguru, how important is marriage and how do I know it's the right path for
me (Sadhguru): You are already married or no?
Because most people ask this question after (Laughter)
needs When you were 8 years of age What's your name?
Anushka.
Anusha?
Anushka.
Anu…?
Anushka.
Okay.
(Laughter) If you are going to get into marriage, we’l will cut your name into half, we will
make it you Anu because where will you get a sanskrit scholar to marry
you?
(Laughter) So, when you were eight years of age,
if I said, '‘Anu, do you want to get married?’
It’s nonsense, isn't it?
I mean it didn’t mean anything, the question.
Yes?
The question didn’t mean anything.
If I asked you when you were six, it didn't mean anything.
When you were 8, depending upon what kind of family,
either it would be a joke or you would resist it or you would say
‘yes’ without really understanding anything about it.
If I asked you the question when you’re 14,
you would be little shy because you are considering (Laughter)
Because the body has started growing in a certain way,
hormones have started infecting the intelligence and now you’re thinking,
‘Hmmm…’
(Laughter) When I ask you at 18, depending upon what kind of atmosphere you
have grown up in, either it's a clear yes or no.
Not now, or not at all depending upon what's happened to you from
14 to 18.
Yes?
So, now it's good.
After passing all those stages, now you are asking the question yourself,
not me asking you (Laughs) or your parents asking you.
You are asking the question yourself.
Do I need to marry?
So the needs are there.
Once you are a human being, there are physical needs,
there’re emotional needs, there’re psychological needs,
there’re social needs, economic need.
All these things are there.
People may not want to consciously think about these things
because they think their marriage will become ugly
if they think about these things, but anyway it is there.
If it’s an arranged marriage, somebody else is thinking about it.
If you are arranging it yourself, you are definitely thinking about it.
(Laughter) Yes or no?
All the considerations are there.
So, today for the woman I am saying, the world has changed to some extent.
For social and economic reasons, she need not necessarily get married
unless you just come with the body.
You didn’t get it.
Unless you’ve just come with a body, without a brain
for social and economic reasons a woman need not marry anymore
She has a choice.
She can take care of her own economics, her own social situations.
It was not so 100 years ago well... even if you did not have any physical,
emotional, psychological needs just for social and economic reasons you had
to marry.
Yes?
But not anymore so.
That’s a little bit of freedom.
At least two reasons why you were getting married are out.
Now you have to consider the other three.
Psychologically do you need a companion in your life?
Do you need emotional companionship?
Your physical needs, how strong are they?
You must look at it as an individual.
It is not a social prescription, everybody get married
Everybody don’t get married.’
This’s not going to work.
As an individual, how strong are these needs?
If it’s a passing need that you can easily go beyond
if it’s a passing need, don’t get married I am telling you
because it is not worth getting tied up.
Because with tying up, it will not just be two people,
it becomes four, six sometimes.
(Laughter) I am not saying it's wrong.
Do you want it?
That’s the question.
Each individual should consider this for himself, not by the social norm
Whatever may be the social trends, that’s exactly what I was saying in the
beginning.
You’re turning spiritual only when your choices are 100% you,
not because of other forces influencing you, your choices
‘Is this needed?’
Now, right now, people have found other kinds of solutions.
In the West, and also very much in India also, beginning
to happen ‘Okay, I won't get married.
I will just live in, live in, live in.’
So, live in….
If you’re just living with one person, anyway it is marriage, okay?
Whether you have a certificate or not.
But if you are thinking you can change your partners every weekend,
then you are causing a serious damage to yourself, because as your mind has memory,
your body has a much stronger sense of memory.
The reason why we take you into these kind of spaces,
even if you do not understand anything intellectually….
Why they constantly created spaces of energy and
spaces of other kinds of possibility is because the body will imbibe and retain it.
Body has a very strong sense of memory.
Body will imbibe and retain it.
You may forget the Himalayas, the body will not forget the Himalayas.
Always it will remember.
Mentally you may get dementia and you may lose all the memory,
but the physical body will carry it on.
It will not give up.
Just because you lost your memory.
you are not going to lose your karmic substance.
So physical intimacy always is It… this is…
In traditional this is called runana bhanda It develops a deep sense of memory and
too many memories like this leads to a certain level of confusion and
a certain level of misery You can clearly see this.
You can very clearly see this.
People who are loose with their life, they will never know any real sense of joy.
They are only like that.
You please watch this carefully around you, it is clearly there.
People who are very loose with their physical body,
they will not, they can never laugh totally nor can they
cry totally.
They will become like this because confusing memories
in the physical body in one lifetime will create
lot of impressions like this.
So, that is not a solution at all to handle these needs.
So, either you go into marriage or you don’t go into marriage,
but you go beyond these needs.
But this is something individually you have to look at, how strong is my need
If you want to look at that with clarity, without social influence
it's always best let's say you take a month off,
stay in the ashram, just meditate.
Bring When you make decisions, you must be in a state of clarity, not influenced
by anybody.
Not by the guru, not by the society.
You are not influenced by anybody.
Bring yourself to a certain state of clarity.
In that clarity, see what is your need, how strong is your need really.
If it is not necessary, that’s it.
Once you make the decision, don’t look that way.
If you make a decision to go that way, don’t look this way.
Just do that.
One of these things you must do.
If you hang around in between, you will remain in a constant state of confusion.
‘This or that, which is the best thing?
Which is the best thing?’
There is no best thing.
Wherever, whatever you choose to do, if you put your heart and soul there and make
it happen, that’s the great thing.
It’s not the best thing still, because there is no best thing in the world.
If you are really putting yourself into what you’re doing
it's a great thing, but it's not the best thing.
‘Best’ involves other people, isn't it?
‘Best’ means you have the ‘best’ deal means you’re
better than everybody else.
It involves other people.
That’s a self defeating process.
The moment you try to do the ‘best’, you are on a self defeating process.
‘I’m doing a great thing.’
This doesn’t involve anybody.
I am just walking on the street; I think I am doing a great thing.
I am not doing the best thing.
The yogis living in the Himalayan caves he is not doing the best thing.
He is doing a great thing for himself.
Somebody is married, happily living with his family,
he is doing a great thing.
He is not doing the best thing.
So, don’t try to do the best thing, your life will go waste because it involves
the whole world.
That means you must be the Alexander the Great, to do the best thing.
And of course he didn’t do the best thing nor did he do a great thing.
Because he is unfit for anything else, we said he is great and dismissed him off.
(Laughs) Because he doesn’t get into any category
of being human, really.
So, this is something that you bring a certain space of clarity into you
and make your decisions.
Once you make a decision, there should be no looking
because ‘Nischala Thathvam Jeevan Mukthihi.’
If you, once you Whatever you’re doing You just sweep the floor with total involvement,
every day you sweep the floor, you will get enlightened I’m not joking.
That’s all it takes.
But the problem is the man who is sweeping the floor
wants to become something else.
That something else wants to sweep the floor.
That something else want to do something else,this something else wants to do something else.
Nobody is doing what they’re doing with absolute involvement, that's the whole problem
Whatever you’re doing, if you do it with absolute total involvement
if there is a Nischala thathvam, that you are on means you are on, just that.
That’s what the driving does to you on Himalayan roads.
That’s what trekking also, mountaineering does to you.
Now when you’re doing that, you can't be doing something else
If you do something else, that's the last thing you will do
really If you’re keeping your vehicle really fast
on these vehicles, that’s the only thing you’re doing.
You try to do something else, that will be the last thing you do.
So, live your life like that.
Whatever you are doing, that’s all you’re doing, absolutely.
If you have that Nischala thathvam, whatever you do it’s fine.
But everyday shifting, shifting, shifting People who’re married for 15 years, now
they’re thinking, ‘Maybe I should have taken brahmacharya.’
People who have been brahmacharies for 10 years,
now they’re thinking, ‘Maybe I should have gotten married.’
This is a endless waste of life.