If people looked at my Instagram account
just with how it's set up and the way I've curated it
they probably wouldn't have any clue
that I have any mental illness going on behind the scenes.
I'm Jade Moore, I'm 24 years old
I run a cake design business, and I've got obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I think the perception I guess, that's commonly known
would just be like, people are really ordered and together
and perfectionists, and like symmetry and stuff.
I mean, I wish I had that because I'd be a lot neater in my life if that's what I had.
Looking back I know I've had anxious traits and obsessive traits
I just didn't have them full-time.
I had no idea that what I was presenting as symptoms actually meant something.
When it all started it felt almost kind of like an identity crisis.
Your brain just becomes really full, it feels like almost a beehive is buzzing around.
Because, it just...
You can't get the answer you want so you keep going, keep going, keep going
and you're exhausted.
So obsessive-compulsive disorder is a disorder that involves obsessions
which are intrusive thoughts around fear of something bad happening
such as harm to another person, or fear of contamination.
Or fear of just not being good enough in some way.
An example of an intrusive thought I was afraid about acting on was
hurting my mother.
I'd be at work by myself
but I would be having these conversations in my head.
But what if I get mad?
But what if that happens?
But what if that leads to me hurting her?
And then I could see myself stabbing her or something.
And then it's like, well if I kill her
then what happens then?
In order to reduce that feared thought individuals engage in compulsions.
Which are ritualised behaviours.
I do wash my hands a fair bit.
I have a minimum of three times I have to do it in a row these days.
Because I don't trust the soap will clean my hands the first or second time.
It might be that there is a family history of either
some fairly extreme anxiety
or overt obsessions and compulsions.
Where it played out like a quirky kind of behaviour.
I don't think people realise that it's so exhausting and so time consuming.
My name is Jemma Mrdak, I'm 25 years old
I am a fashion and style blogger from Canberra
and I have suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I'm sure it was something I've had since I was a child.
But it only started coming into play when I was 15 - 16.
For me it was intrusive thoughts, so I would get just a random crazy thought pop into my head
and I would convince myself that was going to happen.
Any car that I would see I would have to touch the car door
fifty times with my left hand and fifty times with my right hand.
Counting numbers that I saw or colours or counting my steps.
Making sure that I placed two feet in one square on the pavement.
I would have to repeat some sort of chant or saying.
I honestly felt that if I didn't do that
something bad was going to happen.
It might be that individuals have had distress for years.
I thought I was alone, I didn't tell my friends.
What made me seek help was realising that I was so anxious and so exhausted
that there was no other option.
I order to deal with the OCD in the long term
we need to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty.
Exposure therapy involves both real-life exposure to feared situations
and imaginal exposure.
Sometimes it might be that in combination with medication.
I haven't done a lot of therapy for OCD because I know with exposure therapy and stuff
it will be quite confronting.
And it's something I'm just like "You know what? I don't want to do it right now."
Someone with OCD you get so caught up and worried about this terrible thing happening
that the last thing you want is to be thinking about it all the time.
But in a way that was the most effective way of treatment.
As someone who's business relies on solely me to complete the work
I for some reason have a fear I'm just going to crumble as a person.
It took me many years to I guess experiment with
meditation, exercise, yoga, mindfulness
and work out what's the best routine for me.
Getting those thoughts out of your head and onto paper is such a relief.
I'll always have anxiety, I'll always be an anxious person
and I'll always have OCD tendencies
but I've practised these strategies long enough now
that I know how to nip it in the bud straight away.
Cake decorating really calms me down.
When I'm feeling my worst I can absorb into it and just kind of zone out.
I want to show people that you can pursue your goals and dreams.
I don't want people to feel alone.
And I want them to know that they're okay, and that they're normal.
Because we all kind of have a messy backstory.