Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business
and life you love. Now, if you’ve ever wondered what it takes to be a high performer in your
life, today’s guest is going to show you how. Brendon Burchard is a New York Times,
Wall Street Journal, Amazon, and USA Today best-selling author and the world’s leading
high performance coach. Tens of millions of people have watched his videos and completed
his training courses.
Brendon is also the star and executive producer of the online YouTube show, The Charged Life,
and the podcast of the same name, which debuted at number one on iTunes. His latest book is
called High-Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way.
Brendon!
What?
It’s so good to have you here!
Thank you. This is so pretty up here. I can’t believe how awesome it is.
I know. But this is like – this is fun, because this is actually the second time that
you’re on the show. But last time we did this, we did Skype-o-rama.
Yes. And yours cut out like halfway through.
Of course it did.
But I loved it because you still aired it, so you had my face there. And I’m at home.
I wasn’t sure – I don't think I knew it was a Skype interview. And I had this shirt
and it was open like, my hair was like over here.
You were great. We had so much fun. I wish you’d told me – I’m gonna block
out my face, Brendon. I would’ve been like, “Oh, dude. Block out mine. This is great.”
That was called technical difficulties.
Yes.
Anyway, my point being I’m so happy that we’re doing this right now.
Thank you.
First of all, I need to congratulate you. So your sixth book. Right? High Performance
Habits.
Sixth. Yes.
This is a great beast.
It’s a beast.
But I want to congratulate you because it’s fantastic.
Thank you.
So talk to me about why. What inspired this book and why now?
Uh, yeah. I mean, every one of my books have been completely different. You know, one’s
Life’s Golden Tickets, like this parable. It’s a story. The Charge was based on some
neuroscience. The last one, Motivation Manifesto, was like philosophy, you know, injected with
like warrior-ism.
But this one I said, “you know what I want to do is I actually want to empirically test
whether what I believe leads to high performance is true or not.” Because I think at some
point with our platforms, you know, we can all share what we know from our life experience,
and that’s really incredible and it’s valuable. It’s important what we do. And
then I have to think we have to at some point say, “but is it true and are there nuances
that research would prove out?”
And so this became the world’s largest study ever on high performance. Last three years
of my life, a full academic team … and all we did is survey, interview, survey, interview,
run the data. Survey, interview, survey, interview, run the data. Largest ever not even comparable
by over 100,000 people is what we did. And what we teased out was that there’s only
six habits that actually empirically can be proven lead to high performance. That’s
– high performance just means long-term success.
Yup. Sustainable.
Sustained long-term success, which is huge. But so I’ve been teaching high performance
academy for eight, nine years. And the good thing about doing research is there were some
things I taught, they were wrong. And there are some things I taught, there was just so
much nuance to it, now I can teach it better.
And also I think a lot of people want to know in personal development, is any of this provable?
I think that’s why positive psychology is so important. And we had researches from University
of Pennsylvania helping us with this. So they just want to know is this – is it real?
Yeah.
And we teased out over 21 different habits, and then we asked, can it be replicable? Meaning
are high performers who are doing this, are they just freaking amazing?
Yup.
Or can you practice that? Then we said is it actually effective across domains, meaning
is this – would this prove out true for an athlete versus an assistant versus, you
know, a barista versus the CEO in Fortune 50? Which it did.
Then we asked is it something that’s trainable? Like can we empirically prove it can – you
can take somebody here over to here in a couple of weeks on this particular item? And we ran
all the research and it came down to these six high performers in the book. Or, high
performance habits in the book. And I’m super excited about it, because it’s done.
It was three years and it nearly killed me.
I remember our texts back and forth while you were creating this, but I – you did
a phenomenal job. But let’s – I want to tag onto something that you mentioned. It
was actually my next question, but it weaves in nicely with what you discovered.
I was curious throughout this journey, was there anything that surprised you? And one
thing that you mentioned, you’re like, “hey. There were some things that I thought were
in the ‘yes’ column” that you discovered based on the research are not. So I’m curious
if you can tell us a little bit about what surprised you and what…
It was three years of surprises. I mean, the ah-ha’s I had going through this journey
were so great, but it was difficult. You know, it made me – I mean, I was away from family
and friends. I didn't get to see you. It’s been – I mean, you mentioned our last interview.
I’ve basically been doing research since then. I mean, it’s just been really, really
intense.
But the learnings kept me going even though I didn't get to see family and friends as
much, because I was just – every day was, “Oh, what? Oh, that’s a thing?” And,
for example, big ones. Big biases I had that were wrong, and you’re not gonna like this
one and no one’s going to like it. But creativity is not strongly correlated with high performance.
I would have … three years, I would argue. I mean, I would’ve been – I would have
passionately argued against it, because I’m a creative.
Yeah.
This is my life. I write, I train, I speak. That’s what – I would’ve argued forever.
I’ve designed all the covers of my books.
Yeah.
I mean, I dork out about design. I design all my webpages. I’m – I believe that
creativity must give the edge, and it does give an edge in certain circumstances, for
sure. But I interviewed a Fortune 50 CTO, chief technology officer. Unbelievably high-performing
people. Their stock is off the roof. And what he said, he goes, “Brendon, I’m not a
creative person. My team isn’t particularly creative.” But long-term success matters
just as much about execution and consistency and showing up as the creative edge. The creative
edge might get you in the game. Because, remember, high performance is long-term success. We’re
not studying initial success. It’s very – initial success, you know, grit, creativity,
originality. All these things, very important. The spark, the get you in the game, for sure.
But even Jim Rohn said, you know, “motivation gets you in the game, habits keep you there.”
And creativity as a habit – the spark that might be called original creativity, it might
only happen for us every two to three years. So that’s not sufficient. We’ve got to
show up on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. Execution is more important as an example.
So we talk about the kinds of creativity that actually matter, but it’s not strongly correlated
almost across all industries. And I would have completely argued with that.
Another one, you know, we tend to think – I would have thought the older you get the more
likely it is you’re a high performer, because wisdom.
Yeah.
There’s a lot of old, lazy people.
Yup.
You know?
Stuck in their ways. Doing the same thing that they’ve been doing day in and day out.
Yeah. So I think there's a lot of demographic things I would have – I would have assumed
certain countries. We did – this includes research from 195 countries. We wanted this
to be global and we wanted the largest one ever. And I would’ve thought certain countries,
you know, we all have like, you know, I buy lots of cool Scandinavian furniture. That
doesn't quite necessarily mean anything. Right? We make these assumptions about things, and
so we dispel a lot of it.
And the good news is, all six habits are things everyone can do. They’re not innate, they’re
not like “you’re lucky and born with that.” And everything that we learned that, you know,
when people have an excuse they say, well, “I’m too young.” Or they say...
“I’m too old.”
“Or I’m from this demographic, I’m from that town.” None of that matters. And we
proved it. We said these are the only things that matter. And that’s what excites me
about it is because I can now share these little nuances and people go, “Oh, that’s
what matters and that will help me get ahead.”
Yeah. And it levels the playing field for all of us. And I feel like that’s one of
the other things I really appreciate about the book.
You know, you wrote that “achievement is not the problem, alignment is.” Can we talk
about that a little bit?
Yeah. I wish it was my line. It was one of my clients. She’s – I mean, she manages
over 10,000 people. Like, she has 10,000 direct reports. She’s just an unbelievable achiever.
And when I started working with her, I mean, just like a lot of people, their struggles
aren’t “can I make a goal list and a checklist” and, you know, “can I get things done.”
Because people get stuff done all the time, but our busy work isn’t always our life’s
work.
And so you have to learn that we have to find that thing that we can align to. And a lot
of people, they’re achieving themselves into the wrong thing. They put the ladder
against the wrong building. They just haven’t really figured out what’s important to them.
And, most importantly, alignment also includes harmony in your life. Because a lot of people
achieve and achieve in their career, and then they’re divorced. People achieve and achieve
and achieve, and they’re fat and they didn't take care of themselves, and they know it.
And it sounds horrible to say it, but they know it. And so you have to figure out like,
“okay, how can we align ourselves to something that we really care about?” And not align
like sometimes on a Monday or a Tuesday, or not just in our career but really get our
relationships, our health, our career all in alignment to help us become in high performing.
Because high performing isn’t just achievement for achievement’s sake.
Right.
What we found in that study is high performers also value well-being more than almost any
other demographics that we’ve ever measured. And you and I know that, but it’s actually
the second habit in here is the ability to generate energy. And that’s mental, physical,
and emotional energy. And we can talk about the nuances in all of that.
Yeah, that’s actually some place I want to go next, but I don't want to cut you off
because you’re on a train.
Yeah. No, that’s it. I mean, it’s so important. And so when we say alignment we don't just
mean choosing the right thing. We mean generally creating some kind of harmonious alignment
in your life. I don't use, you know, I wouldn’t say that in the book, but that, you know,
that’s really what it is.
It really is, because, you know, in thinking about how each of us define success, it’s
such a unique thing. But those components of health and your family and how you feel
every day and the meaningfulness of it, it has to be there.
So I say for people watching, if you’re in this place where you’re – you really
feel like you’re struggling but you’re like, “Damn, I’m working so hard,” I
would say what she said to me. You know, “achievement is not the problem, alignment is.” Once
we got her aligned, I mean, her life came back. I mean, literally this person felt like
their life was a waste, like they had spent 20 years doing something that wasn’t the
right thing. And there’s a lot of guilt and shame and frustration there.
And but I’m like you’re a badass, but she didn't feel right because she wasn’t
in alignment. As soon as we got her in alignment, I mean, literally weeks, she changed. I mean,
you would have thought she had, you know, some Renaissance of the mind. And it wasn’t
that many things. Just sometimes you’re actually not off by, you know, 50 feet like
you think you are. You’re off by like four or five degrees. And if we can align your
relationships, your career, and your health back into the right angle for you, you come
back to life.
Yeah. It’s huge. One of the distinctions I loved in the book was about emotions and
feelings and how you parsed through that. And your framework, and I’ll paraphrase
here so feel free to correct, emotions are instinctual. Like they often just appear.
Right? Where feelings relate to our interpretation and we can better influence them. I’d love
you to talk a little bit about that, because I think it’s a really important distinction,
especially as it’s related to energy and this idea of high performance.
Yes. One of the major, major keys we found, the first high performing habit, is seek clarity.
And what we found is one of the practices that high performers do is they define the
feeling they’re after. And so when we had explained that and later talk about in the
energy chapter, we had to differentiate between feelings and emotions. And they are different.
Emotions tend to be – they’re the same.
Yeah.
Like we – they’re physical, they’re almost always automatic, even though in the
brain is creating associations as often happen, for us they just kinda…
Emotion comes up.
Yeah. You’re watching a movie and you’re sad. And you’re like, “Oh, my gosh,”
you know? “I’m crying.” You didn't even have the tissues ready, you’re just like
– you know? But feelings are usually interpretations that we make of what that emotion was and
how it sticks and the meaning we give to it. And the example I used – you know I like
to give, and I don't remember if it’s in the book or not, honestly. Because here’s
what’s happened, this book is 400 pages. It was 1,481 when I finished.
Ooh, baby! You edited down!
Yes. And it was 1,481 good. Complete. It was like awesome.
Yes.
But I was like that’s gonna freak people out. So we’re publishing a bunch in academic
journals later, and I just stripped it down to 400 pages so it’s more readable and fun
and learnable. So I can’t remember if this one actually made it in there, but the example
I like to give is if you and I go to a haunted house.
Yeah. Which I love.
I love them. I love them. And they scare me to crap, but if you and I walk around, you
know, you walk around the walls in a haunted house, someone jumps out at you. You and I
are both gonna jump.
Yes. We are emotionally going to experience fright
immediately. It’s gonna be there. Right? But I might be freaked out for the next five
minutes, and you might be laughing. Why? It’s the meaning and feeling that we’ve defined
it as. That’s fine for everybody.
Here’s the issue that people have and you have to be careful about when we start talking
about energy, because emotional energy is real. And that is, look, if at 6 – we go
to a haunted house at, you know, 5 PM in the afternoon. If at 9 PM now you’re in your
house, you’re alone, but you're completely safe, and you still feel scared, that’s
not the haunted house’s problem. That is the way that you are defining and working
through your own emotions. You had the emotion of terror and fear and you're still experiencing
that feeling? That’s a mental job, not an emotional job.
So your job is to go, “Wow, I’m at my house. I’ve lived here for 10 years. I’ve
never been threatened in this house. This is a safe place. I’ve got to redefine the
feeling I’m gonna experience.” And I work with one – an Olympic sprinter, gold medalist
Olympic sprinter, as a client. And this person’s huge breakthrough in getting better and going
from literally one Olympics before not medaling at all to now gold. I said, “What made – like,
what was the thing?”
Yeah.
And one of the things they said to me was I learned to define the feeling. And I said,
“What do you mean by that?” And he basically said, you know, “if – if there’s a bunch
of us at the starting blocks and we’re all in perfect poise and perfect condition, the
one to bet on is the one that says, ‘This is the way I want to feel in this race right
now. I know my emotions are going crazy, like my heart’s beating, I can hear everybody,
I’m waiting for that shot blast, I can see my goal. I know how important this is’ and
all these – like their emotions are there. But that person is defining the feeling. ‘I’m
going to feel centered now. I’m going to get myself in the zone now.’” Even though
the anxiety is – the emotion of anxiety is there for all Olympic-level competitors,
all of them. But they define that emotion as a feeling that helps give them a performance
edge, and I think that’s important too. You know, Bruce Springsteen says if he’s
ever backstage and doesn't feel like nerves, he’s gonna hang it up.
Yeah.
But that’s anxiety, he’s just defining it differently.
Yeah. There’s so much power in that, and I think it’s such a great lesson. That’s
why I loved it in the book. It’s like we all have those experiences. You know, sometimes
we’ll be shooting MarieTV and I can feel – like I’ll tell the crew all the time,
you know, when we go on I’m like, “Oh, I’m feeling nervous.” But it is – for
me, nervousness, I associate it with excitement. I associate it with “we’re about to do
something amazing.” There’s aliveness, there’s energy, there’s all this great
stuff coming through. But I loved that distinction. I never heard anyone quite make it the way
that you did, and I really appreciated that because I feel like it gives us a chance to
take some of our power back.
Yes.
Where, hey, the emotion comes up whether it is fear, it’s sadness, it’s anger, but
then, okay. What about the long term? How are you going to then help yourself interpret
it and then walk back into the world in a way that’s going to allow you to perform
at a high level?
Yeah. Another related habit, third habit, is to basically raise necessity. It’s a
fancy way of saying high performers perform better because they feel like they must do
it.
Yes.
And there’s this interchange between their identity and what they value, believe, and
feel are important. And then an external demand for them to do better. And what happens is
they say – their identity says, “I really care about excellence. I have high standards.
I want to do a good job here. This is important to me. I love this,” and then it connects
with external demand. Need to do a good job. There is a deadline. “I feel a social duty
or a spirit or calling.”
People are depending on me.
Yes, “people are depending on me.” And when those two come together right in the
middle, that’s necessity. We would call it performance necessity. It’s like “I
need to do a good job here and I’m motivated by that, not scared by that.” It’s a perfect
little connection. There’s a whole chapter on it in the book. And what often happens
for people is that emotional thing we’re talking about earlier, like that Olympian.
That Olympian, that emotion, that anxiety is – they’re using that to raise their
necessity to do better. They’re like “I’m going to use this feeling I have and transform
it to do better.”
Yes.
Even though everyone else would identify that same emotion as I’m scared, they’re gonna
say “this feeling is going to make me focus. This feeling that I want to have right now,
I’m gonna, you know, put my a-game on.” And it’s so cool, because all the high performers
I interviewed, over 300, literally verified high performers. We used objective measures
whether they were highest performing in their company or whether they’d filled out the
high performance indicator. And we have this assessment now that can basically show these
– you're probably a high performer if you score in these areas in these six different
habits. And interviewed over 300 of them, and every one of them at some point in the
interview – and these are structured, academic interviews, so they’re way less fun than
this. Sorry for everyone who I interviewed but, boy, it’s just different.
And what I found out was every one of them talked about that at some point. Taking what
they were experiencing and transforming it into something that gave them performance
edge. Whether it’s an artist readying themselves to touch the canvas. Like there’s a thing
that says, “I want to be a great artist. I want to do a great job.” And that self
talk is leveling up our necessity.
Lots of people have amazing strengths, but they don't get off the couch because they
don't feel it’s necessary to win, necessary to succeed, necessary to serve. And high performers
feel like “it is necessary that I show up today, I do a good job, I help others.”
Sometimes some answer it in a spiritual realm. “They say I feel called to do this. I feel
it is my mission. I feel God is giving me these gifts, and I don't wanna waste that.”
And that for them is a very spiritual, emotional connection to “it’s necessary for me to
kick some butt, do well, deliver.” Other people, they’ve really got to mentally get
themselves in that. I’m a little in between. I have to say things to myself before I walk
into a situation to make me better. Like before I came through those doors, like you have
a bathroom out there, and I went in the bathroom and I do a little self talk to myself. And
I bounce in place and I take 10 deep breaths. And I’m talking to myself so that I’m
just – I’m ready.
Yeah. I thought there’s a great distinction there too. Another little tip from the book
that I think is very useful. You found that when you talk to yourself in the third person
versus the you, can you explain that a little bit?
Yeah. A research study in psychology found out that both second person and third person
makes you more – makes yourself talk more powerfully. So if you’re gonna do affirmations
you wouldn’t just say, “I want to do this. I want to do this.” You want to do what
we call in the book self coaching where you would say, you know, in my case, “Brendon.
It’s important you do a good job here today because you usually don't do interviews. And
you really love Marie and you want to do a good job for her and her people. And this
is a book you worked on for three years and it’s important it does well. And, Brendon,
don't forget you’re so lucky you get to do this, brother. So just enjoy the process.
You’re so lucky, Brendon.” That’s a different level of going, “I’m lucky.
I’m lucky.” Right? It is.
“I’m Brendon. I’m great.”
Yes. Another one I do every morning in the shower, assuming I take a shower. But every
morning in the shower…
Because we all don't every day. No we do not.
It doesn't happen.
It does not happen.
I told you like 24 hours ago I was sitting in a bar in the woods at a friend’s house.
But the second thing I ask myself in the shower every morning is, “what might happen today
that could trip me up? And how are you going to bring your best self to that, Brendon?”
I say that every morning in the shower to myself and it just helps me anticipate. You
know, something’s gonna go wrong during the day.
Absolutely.
And if I already know – like this morning's was, “okay. You’re in I think what we”
– I’d guess north Manhattan? Where I’m staying, would you call it north?
You’re uptown.
I’m uptown.
And you’re coming to – let’s just call it downtown.
Okay. So I’m, okay, that’s going to be 45 minutes. It’s a hot, summer day. I’m
gonna get hot and I know when I’m hot sometimes I get impatient and I get stressed. And I
don't want to feel that. “So just pay attention to how you’re feeling on your way down to
the interview with Marie, Brendon. And really just engage. Pay attention. Be present with
New York and really enjoy that you’re here.”
I know that sounds completely crazy, but every high-performing athlete does it. Every salesperson
does it. I mean at a high level. Every person I interview who are at what we call the top
15% of all high performers, they all self talk. And most of them, we found, were doing
it in second and third person. Which is amazing.
I love it.
Yeah.
I think it’s so fun.
Yeah. Little things. Yeah. So if you already talk to yourself and you say your name to
yourself, you’re not crazy. You’re probably high performing.
Well, I do talk to myself and I do call myself Marie. So I’m gonna raise my hand and get
into that group.
I want to talk about another takeaway from the book I think is so practical and that
our audience is going to love. And I love this, and we’ve done this together when
you and I hang out. It’s about managing transitions. And when you’re moving from
one project to the next or you’re ending your work day and then you’re going back
into quote unquote family life or whatever that transition is, I thought you have a really
effective way to help people maximize and almost amplify their energy so they don't
come away feeling depleted every day. Because I feel like we’ve both been there. Right?
We’ve done the way where you are putting out your best and you are absolutely focused
and your heart’s in it and your soul’s in it, but then you reach the end of the day
and you’re like, “I’m done.” Yes.
You’re done.
So tell me about transitions.
Yeah. Transitions takes place in the chapter of generate energy, and also – maybe it’s
in productivity too. And it has this – it’s just this conversation that if you’re go,
go, go, go, go all the time, you’re depleting energy all day and you don't know it. And
lots of people think to get more energy or be more productive, they have to radically
change their life. “I’d better work out an extra 60 minutes in the morning.”
It’s like, actually, let me teach you the mastery of managing transitions. When you
go from one activity to another I want to teach you this simple thing, and that is release
tension, set intention. Very simple.
Let me give an example, because it really helps. If you’re doing email and, you know,
that takes one part of your psyche and brain to do a lot of email, and now you’re going
to go create that keynote or that PowerPoint presentation that you want to be flowing and
visual and beautiful. Very different things. What most people do is they’ll do their
email and then they’ll work a little on the presentation. And then the notification
will go over here and they’ll go back to the email, and they’re multitasking.
Yes.
And they’re wrecking not only their measurable creativity, but their long-term performance.
And so what you have to do is when you finish the email, stop it. Okay? Maybe go get some
water, come back, or whatever – even if you don't, all I want you to do, push away
from your chair for a minute, close your eyes, repeat the word “release” with the goal
of releasing tension in your body. And repeat the word release to yourself several times
over and over like a mantra. Okay? Just repeat. It could be 60 seconds, it can be one minute,
it can be two minutes. Whatever you want to do.
Just do it until you feel like your body and your mind release a little bit. Then before
you open your eyes, set an intention. Say, “okay, Brendon. You’re going to work on
this keynote now. Your intention is to make something that grabs them right at the beginning,
and then make it really move fast, and make it visual, and make sure that it builds emotionally
throughout the thing so when you make a call to action at the end, bam.” And then open
my eyes, now work on presentation. I’m clean and free from the previous activity.
Yes.
And people will feel an unbelievable amount of energetic just power come back from there.
I interviewed – or, I’ve worked with a major founder in the startup Silicon Valley
world flew me down at 3 AM – I guess it was a little after midnight on a private jet.
It was – he was having a lot of trouble. Just exhausted. Literally depleted.
You know, this person is incredibly well valued in his company. Lots of employees, everyone
knows who the person would be, but miserable. Just go, go, go, go, go, go. And I said, well
– and one of his major things was he was wrecking his relationship with his wife and
his chidren. Not because he was maybe just overworking. He would just carry a lot of
the work into his house.
Yup.
So what I said, I said “I want you to pull up to your house after the day of working.
Don't get out of the car. Pull up to the house, just close your eyes, repeat the mantra release
to yourself maybe for five minutes. And then before you open your eyes, set the intention.
How do you want to be with your wife when you enter the house? What kind of dad do you
want to be to your daughter? Set that intention. Open up your eyes. Now go in as a different
man.” And it changed his life. His email to me is in the book.
I read it. It’s fantastic.
It just works. That means just release tension, set intention. It’s just – your transitions
are where most people’s bleeding out their energy, and they don't know. And if we can
just get you four or five times of transition really well throughout the day, you finish
your day like “I feel amazing.”
Yes.
And we didn't caffeinate you, we didn't do anything. We just changed how you approach
your work.
So brilliant. I love it.
Thank you.
I want to talk now about a really interesting section in the book about anti-practices,
some of the problems that come. Because I think one of the challenges in our culture
– and, you know, you and I I think share a lot of values in this sense. You know, we
love to have fun, right, and love to take trips and be with our family and goof around
and laugh a lot, but there’s this pervasiveness of like grind, grind, grind, hustle, hustle,
hustle. And I know we talked a little bit about that, but one of the things that you
wrote in the section about anti-practices about the things that can go wrong is the
part about “being satisfied doesn't mean settling.”
And I feel like there is this mistaken notion out there that you have to be dissatisfied
if you’re going to be an achiever, a high performer, if you’re going to just want
to achieve all that you can in this life. And, again, we share the same philosophy.
It’s like, “no. You can absolutely be satisfied … AND”
Yes. And it’s important that you are.
Yes.
And we can measurely prove it. High performers are not dissatisfied strivers. They're not.
They’re happy. High performers are happier than their peers. We all believe that to get
to the top it’s gonna be lonely at the top, and we all believe you have to grind and kill
yourself to get there, and that’s completely wrong. And the data proves that worldwide,
which is I think just overcoming a lot of people’s biases about how you work today.
Because right now, especially today, you know, grind on social media is so popular.
Or hustle.
Or hustle. And it – by the way, none of the top 15% of high performers worldwide identify
with those words. They literally don't. We asked them. We did a whole keyword analysis.
This was actually pretty cool. And high performers explicitly say – these are the three driving
feelings. If we said there was a high performance state, it’s driven from these three things.
Number one, full engagement. Number two, joy.
Yes!
And number three, confidence.
Yes.
That’s what they relate with. Okay? That’s where it’s coming from. It’s a joyous
journey, not a dissatisfied one. And I had this conversation in the book, because – I
kind of maybe frame it this way. Each of these chapters opens with a vignette of somebody
I worked with or a situation that I was in that demonstrated high performance.
And in this particular situation I’m walking on a stage. Thousands of people after a very
famous musician was out there, and was telling the audience that that person’s secret to
success – remember, thousands of people. Their secret to – that whole speech, their
secret to success was never settle. Never settle. Nothing is enough. Never settle and
never be satisfied. Never be satisfied. Always demand more. And I’m like “oh. My second
slide, which is gonna be on Jumbotrons in like 80 point text was ‘strive satisfied.’”
I’m like, “oh, I’m gonna have to dispel this for all these thousands of people.”
I was totally freaked out.
Yeah.
And – but what I had to explain to people was not only the data, but it’s this. If
you’re never satisfied, I mean, is it true that life is precious? If it’s true that
life is precious and you could be gone tomorrow, do you really want to think, “You know what?
I just never felt fulfilled. I never allowed myself to have a moment of credit. I never
allowed myself to have a moment of peace. I never allowed myself to look at that and
say good job.” That’s not the way to live life. I think just at a spiritual level it’s
a bad move. And this book doesn't really go into a lot of that. It’s more about the
science and the heart stuff.
But I think it’s really important that people realize your job is to strive satisfied. And
if you strive satisfied more often, you will be more of a high performer. And if you never
give yourself credit, you’re always beating up on yourself, you’re always thinking “that’s
not perfect enough,” then what’s gonna happen? Dissatisfied people burn out and they
quit more often than satisfied strivers.
So take joy in the moment, engage with what you’re doing, allow credit and satisfaction
and joy to come in. You can always be improving.
Of course.
But be proving – be improving joyfully.
Yes.
And if you’re improving joyfully, then you’re learning, you feel curious, you feel engaged,
the joy is there. You’ll get more confident because you’re like “I’m going to learn
through this anyway. This is gonna be great.” Because, you know, this – this thing is
all over social media right now. Like grind, work, whatever. And I’m like it’s just
– it’s popular, and I see why that happens, and I see why it’s catchy. It’s just not
scientifically valid.
Yeah. And it’s not sustainable.
Not sustainable. Anyone who's done it, they all hit a wall
real fast.
And anyone who’s ever been married to that or dated that or engaged with that, you’re
just like can you just calm down and enjoy it for four seconds?
Yeah.
Yeah know, I think it’s really important right now. People should want to have a high
level of joy and happiness in their life. But they cannot – they cannot wait for it.
I always say, you know, the power plant doesn't have energy, it generates energy. I mean,
technically it transforms energy from one medium to another, and we can do the same
thing. You know, you don't have happiness. You have to generate the happiness. You don't
have joy. You generate joy. And when you learn to take control of your power and your energy
in that way, then life becomes so much more fulfilling and so much more fun. And it doesn't
become fake or forced. Because you know what’s fake and forced? This all day.
Yeah.
That’s not your natural state.
Yeah.
I mean, and here’s how you know. Take a person – I just got back from a big vacation
with my lady, and we were down on the beach. Take any person, put them on a beach for a
while, and they’re not like grr. Your natural state is “like this is beautiful. This is
great.” There’s awe, there’s inspiration, there is joy there. Tap back into that and
you’ll be more of a high performer.
I love it. Brendon, I’m so happy to have you as a friend and just congratulations again
on this and all of your incredible work, and thank you for coming today.
Thank you. This is a joy for me to be here with you, so thank you.
Now Brendon and I would love to hear from you. We talked about so many good things today,
but what’s the one single biggest insight that you’re taking away from today’s conversation
and, most importantly, how can you put that into action right now? Leave a comment below
and let us know.
Now, as always, the richest conversations happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com,
so head on over there and leave a comment now. And once you’re there, be sure to subscribe
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Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams, because the world needs that special
gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time
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You’ll get used to this, Anthony. This is how I roll. You’re like, “Got it!”
I’m feeling it!
Yes. Haters. Haters, delete, trash.