Oi ya gitz, shut yer gob an’ get yer listening gear round this zoggin announcement.
Da problem with dis channel is there’s too much lernin’ an’ not enuff fightin’.
Luckily da boss has the solution to all this nambly pamby mukkin about.
Get yer legz on over to Twitch where wez be having a bash three times a week.
Stellaris, XCOM, Battlefleet Gothic Armada, Total War: Warhammer 2, the boyz and me have
krumped em good and proper in each one.
Don’t be a nuffin but a stinkin’ digganob, join the Templin Insti…
Templin Insta, Templin Instito, ...join us Templin Brainboyz on Twitch.
In the grim darkness of the 41st millennium, there is only war.
Each day on a million worlds, armies clash in an eternity of carnage and slaughter to
the laughter of thirsting gods.
Across the galaxy, disparate forces muster their fleets in the grim hope that one day
victory might be claimed for the Emperor, the Ruinous Powers, the Greater Good or a
thousand other lost causes.
Most fail to realize that the universe in which they exist will not suffer any lasting
triumph, another day’s survival is all that can be achieved.
In this galaxy hostile to every form of civilization, only one has managed to not only endure, but
thrive.
They are the most successful race yet encountered by man, seemingly built for war in every aspect.
They are crude, savage, and possess only a low cunning, but while the great works of
races a thousand times more advanced lay in ruins, the ramshackle designs of the Orks
thunder onward.
Ork physiology is fascinating, terrifying and contradictory in equal measure.
They exist as a complex interweaving of two symbiotic organisms that somehow have been
genetically linked.
One strain is akin to any number of terrestrial animals found across the galaxy, while the
other is a type of fungus, which prevails throughout an individual Ork’s bloodstream
and skin.
The animalistic component of their biology carries the genetic information for an Ork’s
subspecies, while the fungus seems to possess the genetic information of the entire race.
This latter aspect exhibits many other curious properties, including some kind of ingrained
genetic memory or knowledge, a type of biosynthesis, a latent psychic ability and the capacity
to quickly recover from injury.
Their ability to withstand tremendous punishment is the defining characteristic of the Ork
race.
They feel surprisingly little pain, even when horrifically injured, and can recover from
nearly any type of wound.
Orks that have been literally cut apart have been known to survive when stitched back together
and beheaded Orks, whose heads were then attached back on their own or another’s body have
been able to fully recover as well.
While any other species would weaken or tire when subjected to constant physical harm over
a prolonged period of time, the opposite appears true for the Orks.
They can survive grievous wounds with little apparent long-term consequences, save some
superficial scarring, and instead seem to develop physically the more damage they are
able to endure.
The average Ork stands much taller than a man, although their typical hunched stance
makes this not readily apparent.
Orks will grow all their lives, and a particularly successful Ork will continue to become larger
and stronger until they are beaten or killed.
Ork reproduction remains barely understood but revolves around a kind of fungal spore.
Across their lives and at the moment of death, Orks release these spores which then gestate
underground in a plant-like womb.
If left undisturbed, entirely self-sufficient communities of Orks can arise from these spores’
years or even decades after their predecessors were defeated or driven away.
Like the extragalactic Tyranids, the Orkoid race resembles an ecosystem composed of various
subspecies arranged in a brutal hierarchy.
Colloquially these component species are referred to as Greenskins.
The first and least complex form of Ork life to gestate are Squigs.
Squigs are themselves comprised of various subtypes used by higher forms of Ork life
for nearly every purpose.
Oil Squigs secrete a viscous black lubricant used to keep Ork machinery functioning, Mending
Squigs can be used to suture limbs back in place while Face-biter squigs are little more
than ravenous drooling mouths on legs and kept by Ork Warlords as a symbol of status.
Other forms of Squiglife include Parasite Hunting Squigs, Bag Squigs, and the rare and
bizarre “Squigpipe” utilized as a musical instrument.
The most common Squig is the Eatin’ Squig, a limbless blob that feeds on Ork refuse which
is in turn consumed by higher Ork species.
Feared above all is the Squiggoth which range in size from that of a main battle tank to
the Titans used by the Collegia Titanica.
Next to emerge are Snotlings.
Far too scrawny and weak to bear weapons and lacking the violent tendencies of their larger
brethren, Snotlings instead cultivate the patches of fungi that spread wherever Orks
multiply.
They provide food, drink and medicine to the Ork race and possess a natural affinity for
Squigs which they raise and then train.
In battle, a Snotling’s only use is that of ammunition, fired from a cruel device known
as the Shokk Attack Gun.
Immediately above the Snotlings in the greenskin hierarchy are the Gretchin, or Grots.
Of all the Ork-subspecies they display the greatest capacity for cunning.
They are fast learners and quick to spot an opportunity or weakness.
Within any Ork tribe, most serve as labourers, scouts, thieves or even assassins.
The Gretchin’s instinct for self-perseveration borders on a rudimentary sixth sense although
this is often not enough to prevent them from being forced into serving as living shields,
minesweepers or emergency rations.
The above average intelligence of the Gretchin has led to the emergence of an underground
economy within their normally Ork dominated society.
Many Gretchin operate their own black-market businesses selling fungus beer, roasted squigs,
or gambling enterprises.
The level of sophistication present in these enterprises is almost unknown elsewhere in
Greenskin civilization and enables the Gretchin to enjoy relatively comfortable lives while
still existing as slaves to their larger masters.
These subspecies endure a symbiotic relationship with their Ork overseers, trading menial tasks
in exchange for protection.
Within the Orks themselves, the social hierarchy is straightforward and brutal.
They will instinctively obey those larger than themselves and while some might rise
to prominence through cunning or deception, most seize power and retain it through the
application of brute force.
At the head of every Ork horde is a Warboss or Warlord, typically the biggest and meanest
of his kind who has risen through the ranks to primacy by winning battles and killing
any other challengers.
First and foremost a powerful warrior, the Warboss will hold absolute authority in his
tribe or warband.
The decisions of the Warboss are enforced by a crude ruling caste of Orks known as Nobz.
A type of nobility amongst Orks by the loosest definition of the word, the Nobz have earned
a position of prominence due to their greater than average size and strength.
All others in an Ork tribe are referred to as Boyz.
Depending on their speciality in combat, they may be known as Slugga Boyz, Shoota Boyz,
Ardboyz, Wildboyz or Flyboyz, while any Ork intelligent enough to recognize which part
of a grenade is thrown once the pin is removed is known as a Stikk Bomma.
A caste of specialists also exists within the Boyz, Orks who have been born with specific
information programmed into their minds that are released once they reach maturity.
These so called “Oddboyz” include Painboyz or Mad Doks who use their “stabby bits”
as medical tools.
The crude bionics that are sometimes implanted in higher ranking Ork are the work of Painboyz,
although their work in this area has the tendency to explode without warning.
Psykers too exist within the Ork race, referred to as Weirdboyz.
Unlike those in other races, these Weirdboyz draw upon the innate psychic potential of
the Ork species itself, rather then the energies of the Warp.
This type of psychic power has its own dangers, however, should a Weirdboy soak up too much
of this energy his head may explode and the resulting backlash also explode the heads
of any Orks nearby.
Mekboyz or Mekaniaks serve as engineers and technicians who build all the weapons, vehicles
and other technology used by the Ork race.
Like every other advanced process associated with the Greenskins, their work is notorious
for suddenly exploding.
Ork technology is one of the least understood facets of their civilization.
It is almost always ramshackle and slapped-together, yet functions as well or better than anything
comparable within other species.
The impossible nature of Ork technology is believed to be a result of their latent psychic
powers.
If enough Orks believe something is true, it will actually become so, brought into existence
through pure will.
As such, Ork rockets painted yellow create bigger explosions, Ork vehicles painted red
will go faster, and Ork guns are often nothing more than a box with bolts and bits of metal
in it.
This technology, such as it is, is the result of a constant stream of poorly thought out
experimentation and attempts to constantly outdo the competition.
It is usually as deadly to its operators as to the enemy, and countless Orks have died
in the pursuit of building the biggest, fastest, or meanest weaponry.
This simplistic and brutal approach is reflected in every aspect of what they call “Kultur”.
Questions regarding the nature of the universe that have led entire civilizations to corruption
and ruin never occur to Orks in the first place.
They have but one philosophy, might makes right and not one Ork has ever doubted this
for a single moment.
This unshakeable self-belief is likely the most dangerous quality of the Orks.
For them, the universe is a very simple and straightforward place, free of the angst and
worry that plagues most other races.
Orks have little recognition for concepts like fate or destiny and are not frustrated
when their plans fail.
Instead, they just try again, usually in a different way after forgetting how they attempted
it the first time.
Never does an Ork reflect on their own weakness, instead making remarkable progress through
bloody trial and error.
As long as an Ork has someone to fight, someone bigger to tell him who to kill next, and someone
smaller to abuse, he will know contentment.
War and killing are their only real motivation, the one exception being the desire to possess
even bigger and louder weapons or vehicles.
Orks are almost always engaged in a torrent of bloodshed and mindless violence, sometimes
against the other races of the galaxy, but typically amongst themselves.
Usually these conflicts are smaller scale or localized and never develop beyond random
outbursts of violence and looting.
Sometimes however, should a particularly skilled Warboss achieve a string of successes, Orks
will flock to his banner to share in his victories.
Once this Ork population reaches a form of critical mass a WAAAGH! might be declared.
Part military campaign and part migration, a WAAAGH! is war on an apocalyptic scale.
Orks beyond counting swarm from one continent to the next, and eventually from world to
world.
As tales of the WAAAGH! spread, more Ork Klans will rush to join while any potential challengers
are either defeated and their clan subsumed, or they will take control of the WAAAGH! themselves.
As this campaign gains more and more momentum, the disparate klans within grow more unified
until they represent an unstoppable force on the galactic stage.
These WAAAGH!s rarely possess any clear objective, seeking only to unleash as much carnage as
possible across the universe.
Within Ork Kultur, a WAAAGH! is the ultimate expression of their twin gods, Gork, who is
brutal but kunnin’ and Mork, who is kunnin’ but brutal.
While they may seem identical to outsiders, Gork is said to be the god of clobbering,
smashing, and killing, while Mork is the god of clobbering, smashing, and killing while
an enemy’s back is turned.
Orks exist in every corner of the universe and there is no environment too extreme for
them to not only survive but flourish.
They have been discovered on toxic death planets, depressurised orbital platforms, drifting
ice flows, irradiated asteroid fields, inside corrosive swamps, or on lightless nightmare
worlds seething with horrific predators.
Even in the bombed out remains of planets subjected to Exterminatus Orks can sometimes
be found and there are rumors of Ork enclaves hidden within the Eye of Terror itself.
These holdings vary from pirate outposts that prey on merchant shipping to system-spanning
Ork Empires inhabited by tens of trillions of greenskins.
These are nominally divided into klans and tribes.
Klans are massive groups of Orks who share an enduring philosophical viewpoint on greenskin
life, while tribes are much less stable, constantly breaking apart and reforming.
A single tribe might include Orks from many different clans, but for the most part, an
individual Ork’s allegiance is to his warboss above his klan.
While it can be difficult to distinguish all the Ork Klans, generally there are six that
are truly widespread and found in almost every tribe in the galaxy.
The Bad Moons, Blood Axes, Death Skulls, Evil Sunz, Goffs, and Snakebites.
It is the dream of every aspirant warboss to one day unite the klans and tribes and
usher in an even greater era of slaughter across the galaxy.
Many have come close, “Klawjaw the Mighty Mangler of Bork”, “Tuska the Daemon Killa”,
“Snagrod the Arch Arsonist”, and “Nazdreg Ug Urdgrub”.
Above them all however is the self-proclaimed Prophet of the WAAAGH!, known to the Imperium
as the Beast of Armageddon; “Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka”.
The single most influential Ork in the galaxy, Ghazghkull Thraka believes himself to be the
instrument of Gork and Mork, destined to lead the greatest WAAAGH! of all time.
This is in part due to the work of Mad Dok Grotsnik, whose cybernetic enhancements have
supposedly allowed Thraka to speak to the Great Green Gods of the Orks directly.
Again and again Ghazghkull has unleashed his followers against the Imperium of Man, or
come to the aid of the Octarius Empire in their fight against the Tyranids, but as the
Time of Ending approaches and the Great Rift of Chaos spreads across the galaxy, it is
clear that Ghazghkull Thraka has set his sights on a higher calling.
Across every Ork clan and tribe, rumors abound that Ghazghkull will soon proclaim the Ragnarork,
a time when every Ork shall rise up to conquer the galaxy.
In untold numbers, Orks have already started their migration towards the key battles of
the Great WAAAGH!, and should Ragnarork finally be declared, there may be no force in the
galaxy strong enough to withstand it.
The Templin Institute investigates the nations, organizations and factions of alternate worlds.
If you’ve enjoyed this video and would like to directly support us, vote in polls to determine
future topics, and receive some cool rewards, please consider pledging to our Patreon Page.