-You guys, today was the first day of Lent.
And I thought this was very nice.
CBS decided to give up moderating their debates.
-Aw. [ Laughter ]
-That's right.
Last night there was another Democratic debate,
and it was total chaos.
Some people complained about all the yelling,
while Bernie Sanders was like, "This is great.
I can finally hear everyone."
[ Laughter ]
I mean, here's a good example of what the debate was like.
Listen.
[ Indistinct talking ]
-Senator Klobuchar, next question.
New topic. New topic.
-It was like "The View" meets Red Bull
meets "The Real Housewives."
It was unbelievable.
There was a lot of drama last night.
Elizabeth Warren once again went after Mike Bloomberg.
At one point things got so ugly,
Warren actually picked up Bloomberg,
turned him upside down and shook him
until a billion dollars fell out of his pocket.
[ Laughter ]
People noticed that Bloomberg actually aired two campaign ads
during the debate. [ Laughter ]
And people saw the ad and thought,
"Maybe I'll vote for Bloomberg,"
and then saw him on stage, and go, "Maybe not. I don't know."
[ Laughter ]
Not everyone had a great night.
Observers are saying that Amy Klobuchar and Pete Buttigieg
failed to make an impact.
Could be the end of Klomentum.
And even worse, we could see a Buttidrop.
[ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, after the debate --
[ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, after the debate, President Trump tried to tweet
that Elizabeth Warren is a choker
but had some trouble spelling the word.
He wrote she is a "chocker."
[ Laughter ]
When his staff pointed out the typo, Trump quickly tweeted,
"lol, guys, I was just jocking."
[ Laughter ]
And this morning, Trump also tweeted about the coronavirus,
but he tried downplaying the whole thing.
And nothing puts me at ease like the guy in charge of
handling the coronavirus
actually misspelling the word coronavirus.
[ Laughter ] What's he doing?
What's going on? -Come on.
-Businesses are also being affected by the coronavirus.
I saw that there's a chance
Diet Coke production could be interrupted.
[ Audience oohs ]
One man heard that and was like, "Okay, now we have a problem."
[ Laughter ]
"Space force, assemble."
[ Laughter ]
That's right. The CDC is telling Americans
that the coronavirus spreading in the U.S.
isn't a matter of "if."
It's a matter of "when."
I have to be honest, all this stuff is a little scary,
but as far as pandemics go,
at least things can't get much worse.
-Now to central Florida,
where a colony of herpes-carrying monkeys
is growing in size,
increasing the risk of confrontations with humans.
[ Laughter ]
-Some business news -- I saw that Bob Iger,
the C.E.O. of Disney, is stepping down.
He is expected to officially announce his successor,
Bob Chapek, by standing on a rock
and holding him up to the sun. [ Laughter ]
[ Tribal singing ]
♪ Disney C.E.O. ♪
That's right. Disney C.E.O. Bob Iger is stepping down
and will be replaced by a man named Bob Chapek.
Disney even released this announcement. Take a look.
-As Disney says goodbye to Bob Iger,
we're also excited to announce our next C.E.O., Bob Chapek,
along with the new members of our board --
Bob Johnson, Bob Hobart, Bob Bobson, Bobby Bobberbob,
Barbara Bobs, Bobby Bob Thornton.
Bobwitdabob Dabob Dabob Bobby Bobby Bobby,
shake da Bobby, said up jump the Bobby.
And Bobby Yoda.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey! Bobby Yoda.
-This is going viral.
A fashion designer in England
created inflatable latex trousers.
Check this out.
[ Laughter ]
It's great if you want people walking up to you all day
and asking, "So what happened to your testicles?"
[ Laughter ]
-Wow.
He was walking on the balls of his feet.
[ Laughter ]
Hey-oh!
-This is crazy.
Today is the five-year anniversary of the infamous
white and gold or blue and black dress debate.
Take a look. Yeah.
Remember the good old days
when this was the only thing dividing America?
Isn't that great? [ Laughter ]
And finally, a poodle in Pennsylvania somehow
made its way home to its family
just one day after being carried away by a hawk.
Yep, it walked in the house, poured itself a drink and said,
"You would not believe the day I had."
We have a great show.