Roman Reigns has all the titles and, seemingly, a dislocated shoulder.
Stone Cold Steve Austin made his shock return after not wrestling at WrestleMania for a
whole 24 hours!
And celebrities might now be actual better sports entertainers than actual wrestlers.
I’m Oli Davis, and this is my review of WrestleMania 38 Part Deux… in about 10 minutes.
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- especially with our Raw After Mania coverage coming up too!
[SUPPORT WRESTLETALK] Screw you, kickoff show.
I don’t care about you anymore!
I’ve only got eyes for you, Transformers: Age of Extinction star Mark Whalberg.
So stupendous.
And a very emotional opening segment from Triple H.
The WrestleMania card opened on Hunter making his return in front of a live crowd.
In Triple H Mania entrance terms, this was very low key.
There wasn’t a motorbike or Terminator cosplay outfit in sight.
But, in a way, this was one of the most meaningful entrances he’s ever done.
After hugging his kids and Gable Steveson - who somehow still looked bored - at ringside,
Trips stood in the ring, said a heartwarming thank you, and said We Are NXT Take…
I mean, welcome to WrestleMania.
He then left his boots in the ring as a symbolic gesture of retirement.
The first match was the perfect high-paced opener with RKBro retaining their Raw tag
team championships against Alpha Academy and the Street Profits.
With the rules allowing for each of the three teams to have a man in the ring at the same
time, as opposed to WWE’s usual limit of two, this had a ridiculously fast pace from
the start that never let up.
It was just five guys hitting insane move after insane move, and Randy Orton waiting
to hit an RKO.
The poetic finish came when Riddle saved Randy with an awesome top rope RKO on Montez Ford,
after which Orton caught a leaping Chad Gable with his own to win.
A terrific match, although maybe not as good as their Raw encounter.
To separate the two, I would’ve put a stipulation on this.
I just want a TLC match, ok.
Give me what I want.
The brilliance of night two, though, was that we didn’t just get pro wrestling.
Nearly every match had a delicious dose of sports entertainment afterwards.
All the babyfaces shared a red cup beer in the ring afterwards, and they invited Gable
Steveson to join them - but Chad slapped the drink out of his hand for Gable War!
You are totally getting renamed when Steveson properly debuts, Chad.
I’m already confused who’s who.
Steveson took off his top and launched Chad with a belly-to-belly.
WWE have done a great job pushing Steveson over Mania weekend.
It’s now all on him to develop a character to make this a success.
Bobby Lashley’s entrance had about a quarter of a million dollars worth of pyro next.
I wonder who’s winning here?
After five minutes of Omos dominating Lashley, including two consecutive bearhug spots, Bobby
hit a snap suplex - which was only mildly impressive - and a spear to win.
This didn’t even work as a spectacle, and they should’ve used Omos’ first loss to
get over someone new like Steveson, Breaker or VEER!
Sports entertainment came out in its full stupendous force next though…
Sami Zayn and Johnny Knoxville had an wickedly fun 15 minute hardcore match, that’ll surely
go down in Mania history as one of its best comedy bouts.
It also had a surprisingly sweet underlying story too, as Johnny’s Jackass buddies cameod
to help him win - including Party Boy’s sexy dancing and Wee Man somehow hitting a
Scoop Slam on Zayn.
That’s not how physics works.
Sami replied by booting Wee Man in the face.
Big Cass would be proud.
For the final moments, Knoxville got psychological and worked over a body part - the dick, Bill,
the dick.
He had laid a pyro trap for Sami when he was on the top rope, which he followed up with
a bowling ball to the dick, a mechanical fake leg to the dick, a giant slap hand, and then
tossing Zayn off the top rope through a table covered in mousetraps on the outside.
The whole Jackass crew then pushed a giant mousetrap in the ring, where they trapped
Sami in it for the pin.
Knoxville’s Royal Rumble spot left a lot to be desired.
This Mania bout ticked every box that my Jackass WWE match expectations had.
Next up came the Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal to get all the other women on
the Mania card!
I mean, it’s the women’s tag title four way!
Not a single team came out together.
Every one of them had their own separate music.
Which is the problem with this match.
Everyone worked hard.
Some of the spots - like a dual Tower of Doom - was really fun.
But ultimately I do not care about what happens in this division, due to bad storylines, weak
champions, and a bunch of women just thrown together.
I don’t believe in a single one of their teams - which is kind of fundamental requirement
for tag wrestling.
It was infinitely better than last year’s women’s tag match, though, which I believe
is still going on.
Sasha and Naomi are your new women’s tag champions.
In an admirable change of pace, AJ Styles and Edge then wrestled a psychology heavy
25 minute match - the longest of the whole weekend.
Whereas every other match was high octane move move move, these two had a really engaging
back and forth chess match.
And I believe a lot of that is down to Edge’s new heel character, which now feels fully
formed in its demented intensity.
The finish saw AJ go up for the Phenomenal Forearm, but he got distracted by Damien Priest
standing at ringside like he was watching a backstage WWE monitor over his shoulder.
Somehow, Styles sold a guy just standing there more than his own face getting cut open in
his entrance - which apparently happened when he bumped his head on the star-shaped stage.
Priest’s non-distraction gave Edge enough time to recover, and counter AJ’s forearm
with a spear to win.
Edge and Priest then formed an ‘unholy alliance’, which is presumably the start of Edge’s
reported new heel faction.
This felt more like a new season angle you’d do on the Raw after Mania.
In a match that was explicitly put over on commentary as a tribute to Big E and his broken
neck, Sheamus and Riddick Moss pretty much squashed the New Day in one minute 40 seconds
- the shortest match of the whole weekend.
Speedy recovery, Big E! The Undertaker did another walk out onstage
for his Hall of Fame induction.
I genuinely couldn’t tell if this was happening live, or it was another replay from the previous
night.
And then we got unequivocally, objectively, I hate to break it to you, Becky and Bianca,
move aside Punk and MJF, the best half hour of wrestling of the year…
Just in case you were in any doubt, because, if you don’t remember, this storyline all
started because of an egg, Vince McMahon sees Austin Theory - for right now, at least - as
the company’s next big star, introducing him here as “future WWE Universal Champion…
Austin Theory”.
Well allow me to do my own endorsement.
Because here’s “future WWE Universal Champion Pat McAfee”.
McAfee got a huge entrance, complete with Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and the White Stripe’s
Seven Nation Army as his music.
Ooh, Enzo Amore.
I mean ‘ooh bask in his glory’.
I mean ‘ooh, Pat McAfee’.
As AEW have found, having actually licensed songs can create a party like atmosphere in
the crowd, because they’re a little bit drunk and they can sing along.
WWE should do this kind of thing more, as the audience were amongst the loudest they’d
been all weekend, keeping the singing up through the match.
And what a match it was.
McAfee was incredible, not just from his moves, like a standing hurricanrana, a missed swanton
bomb and a spectacular backflip off the top rope, standing jump back onto it and a superplex,
but also his charisma, having that natural connection with the crowd.
And then McAfee won with a roll up!
Give me Pat McAfee vs Logan Paul as the Mania 39 main event.
That would’ve been enough, but we were far from done, because Pat then started trashtalking
Vince McMahon, who was at ringside the whole time.
Vince took off his tie.
Took off his jacket.
Took off his shirt, to reveal his classic black vest and, somehow, shoulders bigger
than all of us.
And then the unthinkable happened.
The bell rang for Vince McMahon vs Pat McAfee at WrestleMania, which was very quick, but
was still over double the length of the New Day match.
Theory kept interfering, letting Vince finally get a win at WrestleMania.
Vince and Austin Theory hugged.
That would’ve been enough, but we were again far from done because.
HERE COMES THE MONEY!
Nah, I’m kidding.
Freaking Stone Cold’s music hit!
Vince and Stone Cold were in the ring once again.
They shared a beer, but then, of course, Steve hit McMahon with a Stunner - in one of the
most comically bad stunners of all time.
Vince kinda collapsed on the gut kick, stumbled into the ropes, Austin yanked him by the head
and Vince just crumbled like a suit of bones.
It was so bad, Austin couldn’t stop laughing as he celebrated.
Then Austin stunnered Pat McAfee for good measure.
This was pro wrestling perfection.
I enjoyed this even more than the KO main event on Night One.
By the time the entrances were done, there was only 15 minutes left of the show for the
supposed biggest match in WrestleMania history - Brock vs Roman for all the belts.
It was certainly exciting, if a little repetitive.
Not just with the moves in the match, but also heavily lifting its template from Lesnar
vs Goldberg at WrestleMania 33.
Roman kicked out of an F5.
Brock kicked out of a low blow and title shot to the head when the referee was down.
Reigns’ selling was awesome, capturing that underlying insecurity that makes his character
so interesting.
Brock then caught Roman’s spear in a Kimura look for a great counter, but that’s when
the match somewhat fell apart.
Reigns can be heard telling Heyman something “is out”, and it’s been speculated his
shoulder was dislocated going by the bump that suddenly appeared on his upper arm.
They seemingly made the call to go home early, Reigns hit a spear and won.
A good match that could’ve been a great one, as it felt we were only just entering
the final third.
In an unfortunate stat, it also means that WrestleMania 38 was bookended by matches cut
short due to injury involving the Bloodline.
What did you think of WrestleMania 38 Part Deux?
Let me know in the comments.
I’m going to say it.
Night One was great, Night Two was stupendous.
Over the last decade, I’ve thought of myself as a pro wrestling fan.
I gravitate towards ROH, New Japan, AEW.
Sports entertainment isn’t for me.
I’m grateful for WrestleMania 38 proving me wrong.
When done right, sports entertainment is its own form of joy, and WWE does it better than
anyone.
WrestleMania 38 Night Two is 90%.
Now go watch our live reactions to the show, which includes the reaction to Vince taking
that Stunner.