Everybody gets upset sometimes,
but what makes that upset so much worse
is that so often,
we're just swimming in a soup of negative emotions
without any real conscious awareness
about exactly why we're so upset.
Most specifically,
why, given the situation, we feel as upset as we do.
I have a new way of looking at when we get upset;
If you look at the word 'upset',
those two words, I should say,
that make up the word 'upset', UP and SET,
if we switch the arrangement of those two words,
what we end up with is: SET UP
and this is the ultimate truth.
What the Universe is doing with our upsets,
is essentially setting us up,
to become aware of something that we are not completely aware of.
Conscious of what we are currently unconscious of.
Why am I so Upset?
Personal truth, is comprised of:
feelings, thoughts, desires, needs, intentions...
All of these things,
and the knowing of all these things, I should say,
enables us to effectively communicate ourselves,
in a way where our personal truth can be received.
And not only communicate ourselves,
to take effective action in the direction of the changes
that our inner being is calling us to make.
At the most basic level,
upset is made up of four things;
Now an upset could be about one,
any,
or all of these things at once.
#1. An intention that is being prevented or opposed.
#2. An undelivered communication.
#3. A past wound that is unhealed
and was re-activated by whatever happened.
#4. An unfulfilled expectation.
Let me explain each one of these one by one
so you'll understand how it amounts to upset.
The first, as living beings
our happiness, our health and our sense of well being
is completely at the mercy of our capacity
to create a desire or an intention
and to go in the direction of that thing, unthwarted.
We need to, as creators and as manifestors,
as living beings, be able to feel that flow
from the unwanted state to the the wanted state.
When something in our lives prevents that flow,
gets in the way of what we're wanting,
or what we're intending,
Obviously, instantaneous that we would loose our sense of well being.
We feel not free.
We don't feel empowered.
We don't feel happy.
That's why we get upset.
2. When we communicate to another person in our experience,
it's very important to us
that we accurately convey the inner truth of ourselves.
that we accurately convey our feelings,
our thoughts, our intentions, our wishes, our desires, our needs.
And once we do that, it is very important to us,
that those things that we express are received by the other party.
It's important to us that we're seen, felt, heard... understood.
When that doesn't happen,
either us not communicating ourselves
in a way that's an accurate reflection of what we intended to communicate,
or when it's not received on the other end,
we feel upset.
3. No matter how good our childhood was,
we have all experienced situations in our life
where we experienced distress, with no resolve.
When that happens there was no healing to the wounding.
So, these wounds are embedded in our being.
In this universe which functions like a 360 degree mirror,
we continue to line up with circumstances,
people, places and events, that reflect those wounds.
This is the universe's way of trying to get us to resolve
what was never resolved.
But any time this occurs, we feel upset.
4. As living beings we are creators and we are manifestors.
That means that we already have an idea in our head
of what we want to create.
We have an expectation.
It's a bit like an artist with a ball of clay,
that already knows what he wants that sculpture to look like.
That expectation sets us up for upset,
as much as it does us good.
We have expectations for nearly every situation we get into.
We're attached to how it should be.
We think things like we should be friends,
we should be resolving things,
he shouldn't have said that,
he should accept X,
I shouldn't feel this way,
etc, etc...
When these expectations are unfulfilled,
we become upset.
any time you get upset,
I want you to take a look at these four components that make up an upset
and see how the situation that you are in
fits, one all or some, of the items on this list.
But, let's see deeper and deeper how we can understand
why we are so upset in this situation.
I want you to pick something today,
that you are personally upset by.
1. What happened.
2. In this situation, did I have a desire or intention
that was being prevented or opposed?
If so, how?
What did that make me feel?
Why specifically did that make me feel so upset?
What did it make me feel like I will never be able to have or get?
You can feel free to pause this video until you have answered those questions.
And then resume.
Pause Section
3. Did I communicate my feelings, thoughts, desires,
needs and anything else I needed to communicate,
in a way that felt authentic and true to what is real about me in this situation?
If I did that or even if I didn't,
did I feel like the other person or people
involved in the situation actually felt me, saw me and heard me
so as to really understand me?
Did I feel as if what I needed to communicate
and my personal truth was received?
If not...
what was my perception about how the communication
was or wasn't expressed and was or wasn't received?
Yet again you can pause this video,
in order to answer those questions.
And resume the video once you've done that.
Pause Section.
4. What painful experience in my past
could this be a reflection of?
What experience might have been unresolved
that this situation is bringing up into my consciousness again?
In that past unresolved situation,
what did I need in order to feel resolved?
How can I meet those needs
to create that feeling of resolution relative to this situation
which is a repeat of the last one,
so it can be different this time?
Again, feel free to pause this video,
and take whatever time you need to answer those questions
before you resume this video.
Pause Section
In many situations we aren't even aware
of whatever past wound was unresolved
that is now reflecting in our adult life.
That's because when situations are unresolvable,
the brain can't do anything with them.
So, quite often what it does,
is to stuff it into the subconscious.
And we become completely unaware of it.
Fortunately I've created a process for helping you
to find these aspects of memory
which are causing such a problem in your adult life,
some of which you may not even know on a conscious level.
This process is called the completion process.
If you feel interested in using it,
then you can look up my book which is quite literally titled:
'The Completion Process'
5. In this situation, I want you to look for what expectations,
you had, that went unfulfilled.
A. What did I expect to happen?
B. What did I expect them to think?
C. What did I expect them to feel?
D. What did I expect them to say?
E. What did I expect them to do?
F. What do I expect them to do now to resolve the upset?
G. What did I expect myself to think?
H. What did I expect myself to feel?
I. What did I expect myself to say?
J. What did I expect myself to do?
K. What do I expect myself to do now to resolve the upset?
You are never wrong to feel the way that you feel.
Your feelings are always a perfectly accurate reflection and representation
of the perceptions that you have in a given experience,
regardless of whether the perceptions themselves are accurate or inaccurate.
But once you are aware of these perceptions,
You have the capacity to work with them.
Ask yourself in this situation,
What would they have to do to make it better?
What am I willing to do to make it better?
And ask yourself, Is it realistic or fair?
Look over your expectations, and ask yourself,
If none of them were present,
no idea of how it should be.
What would be different?
And what might be possible?
Sometimes if what upset us is a conflict with someone else,
we need to be honest of whether we want resolve, repair and connection,
Or to win, be right and get the other to surrender.
If what you want is to resolve, repair and create connection
ask yourself, what might I have to give up
or accept in order to get closer to that in this situation?
Once you have the answers to all of these questions
you will have an accurate understanding
about why this situation made you so upset.
That's not going to make you confused anymore.
And based off of that awareness,
You will have a much greater accuracy,
In terms of what your needs actually are in this circumstance,
what needs to be communicated,
and what actions might need to be taken
in the direction of whatever change would help you,
to create a sensation of resolve.
Being upset is never pleasant,
but I can promise you, it will be better,
when you accept that you are being set up,
by the universe, in order to become aware
of something you're not currently aware of.
Our only real position of power is from reality.
Once we accept the reality of our upsets
we have the capacity to actually
empower ourselves to create change.
Have a good week.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com