Here we are.
(footsteps)
(door shuts)
(sighs)
The silence is deafening.
It's just very, very quiet.
I feel like I should turn on the TV or something
or continue my alien podcast
but that's not what we are here to do.
We, that's not what we are here to do.
We're here to sit with it.
We're here to sit in the discomfort.
(chill music) Yeah I am in Berkeley, doing my project here.
Thank you, BetterHelp, for sponsoring today's video.
I will probably never stop talking
about how much therapy has improved the quality of my life,
my self-worth, my self-esteem,
and I love that BetterHelp makes therapy
just accessible for everyone.
This is a service that assesses your needs
and then matches you with your very own
licensed professional therapists.
They're trained to listen and help you go
through whatever you're going through,
whether it's personal issues,
your relationships, your friendships.
For me, it's a lot of psychoanalysis.
I just had a feeling that when I came here
I would feel a little bit wobbly and so the
the past me knew that the future me would want this.
So I am so glad that I scheduled this
because I feel just a lot more inspired and centered.
They have a huge network of over 20,000 therapists
that cover a broad range of expertise.
This is particularly helpful if you live
in an area that may not have this type of resource.
You just need to fill out this questionnaire.
These are questions that you already know the answers to.
My favorite type of Quizlet.
You are going to be matched with your very own therapist,
you then decide whether you want
to do a phone session or video session.
You can also exchange unlimited messages with them.
Let's say you're just not vibing with a therapist.
BetterHelp make it very free and simple
to switch counselors so that you can find a better match.
Right now, BetterHelp is offering 10% off your first month.
You can go to my link, betterhelp.com/Jen.
That's better, H-E-L-P.
I'm gonna leave that in the description box
so click it if you're interested.
(chill music)
The Airbnb host said in the little welcome book
that they had some snacks for me in the fridge.
We've got some organic garlic hummus.
This is a half eaten burrito.
Or is this burrito for me?
No, this burrito's not for me.
And these are frozen carrots.
I think I'm actually gonna go
and get some fresh snacks for myself.
Cute.
I would say that was a pretty successful shop.
Uh, little haul.
I got some hand soap
because there's no hand soap in this Airbnb.
Full size Sensodyne.
For some sustenance, I got myself some organic blueberries.
Ooh, this is gonna pair perfectly with this yogurt, Chobani.
I got a nice coconut flavor.
This bar was also calling my name just
I just think the name is nice.
The Perfect Bar.
I do like that word.
I'm a f*cking perfectionist, I am.
For a little snacky-snack, I got two onigiris.
One is unagi and the other is salmon.
I'm actually gonna rip into this one right now
cause I'm freaking hungry.
I know there is like a strategic way to open this
so that way the rice and the seaweed don't touch.
(seaweed crunches)
We are heading out to Caesar Chavez Park.
It is so scenic.
I would like compare it to Dumbo of New York
looking into Manhattan.
Does that make sense?
Like since you're out of the city
you get to look at the city.
It's really beautiful.
If we're gonna watch the sunset there
I think it's gonna be fun.
All right.
We are here at our destination.
Wow, a lot of people are out here.
It's because it's a beautiful day.
It truly is.
Oh man okay, let's secure a good spot for the sunset.
Honestly, now that I'm here,
I realize I have not been alone.
I think in like seven years.
That fact is astounding.
I think that's why this feels so interesting.
It feels a little uncomfortable, but it feels kind of good.
Like, I forgot that I could just do this.
It's unbelievable how important it is
to use this muscle of being alone.
It's really about balance, isn't it?
The duality, it's vital to know how to get
along with your community, to learn how to coordinate,
but it's just as integral to learn how to be
by yourself and enjoy your own company.
It just feels like bittersweet
because when you're at some place that feels beautiful
or you're experiencing something that is transcendent
your wish is that you can share it with someone or people
but maybe it's fine just to soak it in all for yourself.
(speaking Korean)
I think when I see this
it just makes me want to take care of it better.
Take care of this planet.
It's interesting how we're just trying to
terraform other planets like Mars, but
but surely it'd be easier to just preserve this
and think of solutions on this planet
that's already habitable.
It's really frustrating.
I don't know.
Hi
(background chatter)
Oh yeah, that's great.
Can I please get a glass of the Sauvignon Blanc ?
Yeah, thanks.
There are so many rolls.
- [Jenn] You know what, I think
I'm just gonna get The Berkeley Roll.
That sounds pretty good to me, right?
Thanks.
Look at my goblet of Sauvignon Blanc.
(background chatter)
- [Jenn's Mom] I love you.
- I love you, bye.
- Bye.
(blowing air)
I love my mom.
Dude I swear I feel like I've been in this room before.
There's something like I'm having a dejavu
or something, but it's nice.
It feels nice and familiar.
I really enjoyed dinner.
Usually when I'm eating, I'm either like watching something
on my phone or I'm with someone
so it's easy to kind of ignore your, your, your
"I'm getting full" cues, but since I was not
on my phone and I was challenging myself not to,
I was just eating and then just staring off to a distance.
People-watching, but respectfully.
I wasn't like really getting in there,
but I was observing.
I was the only person eating alone.
That's fine.
That's fine, like literally no one was looking at me.
Even though I had this fcking crazy set up,
no one was looking at me.
That's the thing about being alone
you gotta realize like no one cares.
No one cares that you're alone.
No one is pondering about your origin story.
You don't need to look busy.
You don't need to look a certain way.
Like literally no one's looking at you.
Or if they do, they look at you and they look away.
That's it.
I like that.
Oh, yeah, going back to eating.
Since, since I wasn't like watching anything,
I ate the whole roll and I was full.
And if I was like with Ben or like a friend
we would've gotten like three entrees because we're greedy
and I would've just eaten it because I
I'd be entertained by my friend and I'd be like, oh my god
we gotta keep on eating until this is all done.
But now that it's like bedtime and I'm gonna
take off my makeup and stuff
I feel like this is the time where, you know
I'd unwind with Ben or something.
I, I, I'm feeling this itch to just post
on social media to like do an Instagram story
and then go in my DMs and interact and, you know
it's just like, I don't need that.
I don't need that.
So that's why I'm fcking talking to this camera.
One thing I did enjoy about my break
was that I maintained a sense of mystery.
Like no one knew where I was.
I was getting significantly less texts
because I just wasn't online.
I think sometimes you remember people exist
because you see them in your stories or your social media
and that was nice to just be off the grid completely.
I think that's why marriage
or or other monogamous relationships can be so
comfortable because, you know
you don't need external social interaction outside
you know, your partner or your, your family or something.
But it is important to diversify the community
and get some different perspectives.
It's actually really nice
not having to match anyone's energy.
I could just be.
And that in itself is very refreshing.
I think subconsciously whenever I'm with any human
I try my best to mirror them.
Or if they're at a deficit, I try to like come back in.
You know, it's just a lot of, you know
just physiological and also emotional things
that you're trying to balance when you're with other people.
So it's nice just being very selfish with energy.
Like, I can literally, I'm not being perceived by anyone
so that's kind of cool, enjoying that.
It's nice to be able to make executive decisions
for the whole itinerary.
There's no one to like bounce ideas off of.
It's just like, Jenn, we're doing this.
We could stay here as long as we want.
Like, even with the sunset, I think if I was there
with someone, I'd be like, oh, like, are they getting cold?
Are they having a good time?
Like, you know, those would be, those
like thoughts would be in the back of my mind
but when I'm by myself, I'd be like, nah, we're staying.
We're staying until it gets fcking dark
and then we're gonna eat sushi.
I also think like when you're traveling alone
I like to just wear baggy clothes just in general.
I think it looks cool.
I also feel like I like I disappear more
in the background, which I like.
I feel more anonymous.
I think if this is like my fifth day alone
it would be an issue.
I mean, we'll see how tomorrow goes.
I'm going to just take off my makeup and
and get ready for the day.
But I just wanted to do a little like
debriefing with you guys.
(sighs)
I can't believe, like, I brought a book
thinking that I was going to read here.
I like, I've enjoyed just the view.
It's been a very long time
since I've seen a sunset in its entirety.
I think I understand the appeal of
of people just coming out with their canvases and paint.
Just to paint this.
I understand the appeal.
I don't know.
Whenever I hear kids' voices, it makes me miss Lennon.
Like, it's so weird.
I feel very content, but I also feel homesick.
Like I haven't, it's actually laughable
that I feel homesick.
Like I haven't even, it's been like,
Is it like six hours?
No, no, no, okay. It's been like 12 hours since
since this trip.
(laughing)
This is why the aliens are watching us.
We are pretty sophisticated, aren't we?
Ever-evolving.
Now we don't make sense.
There's no reason to us.
We do the most paradoxical things,
but I guess that's what makes us human, right?
We do shit that we know is just terrible
but we create miracles.
Like look at this, look at this city.
Today, I learned that when the weather app
says that the sunset is at 6:19 PM,
that's literally when the sun starts to set.
But it doesn't give you the time
of when the sun is completely gone.
It's 6:41 now, and the sun's still here.
It's just, just doing the most beautiful fade out.
Yeah, I think this is the, the finale for sure.
I freaking panicked, guys.
Should I have gotten the Berkeley roll?
I don't know.
I was gonna do the Sriracha roll.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Jenn is super super nice and
she's super pretty too, in person.
- Oh, you're so sweet!