Hey, guys, I'm Tracy.
And I'm Andy.
No, I'm Corey.
You're Corey.
I'm Corey.
And it's time for another recap!
Yeah!
Zenor's out delivering big checks,
so he couldn't make it today.
But I've got good news for you, because we
brought someone who's going to break it all down.
You know him.
You love him.
And you can see him every Saturday on OMKalen.
Please welcome Kalen Allen!
Yay!
[CLAPPING]
We did it!
Yes!
How are you?
Muah, muah, muah, muah, muah.
Thank you for being here.
Of course, I love it.
Love your show, by the way.
OK, you guys, let's get right into it.
So we start off in fabulous Las Vegas.
The first one-on-one in Vegas was Colton.
Yes.
So Colton, I don't like him.
Can I just say, though, for someone who's got his V card,
he's super sexual.
Wait, you guys, did you see Virgin River?
Oh, it was terrible.
As he was on, he was like, I've got something I really
need to talk to her about.
And it says, "Virgin River."
Eww!
I was like, OK--
because he's a virgin.
Yeah.
Colton probably got the first one-on-one date
and he's like, oh, we're going to go
do something fun in Vegas.
And she's like, yeah, we are, ride a camel.
But they go to Vegas and leave Vegas.
It's just so weird, and then the hot tub.
That's a waste of money.
Yeah, exactly.
So they go ride the camels, and they get in the hot tub.
Which looks like production stuck
a hot tub just in the middle of the desert, right?
Yeah.
It was just so weird.
There was such a weird green patch--
Right, in the desert, where there ain't no water,
but they got water there.
Am I stupid for looking at it and and being like,
I wonder if that was there first.
Yes.
[LAUGHS]
Here's my thing.
It's like she's just so infatuated with him,
and I think it's because of her physical attraction to him--
Yeah, because he's a smoke show.
He is a smoke show.
Smoke show?
What does that mean?
What does smoke show mean?
Yeah.
He's hot.
He's a smoke show.
Wow.
I never heard that one.
What do you say when you think somebody is super hot?
He's a meal.
That's what you say.
Oh, a meal, you want to eat him up.
Exactly.
You say somebody's a snack, a meal.
I see why.
A meal.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
I tell you, because you know I've been personal training.
So I keep saying that I'm going to be a snack.
But then I realize I'm already a snack.
So I'm going to be a buffet.
You're a snack, boo.
Oh!
Uh-oh.
Yep.
I literally don't know what you just
said in the last 20 seconds.
[LAUGHTER]
But then he opens up to her and says
about his past relationship, which we all
assume is with Aly Raisman, gymnast, Fab Five--
Gold medalist.
--love her, love you, girl.
Very flexible.
She watches, I'm sure.
Very flexible.
Yeah, so flexible, she can split right now.
And she split with Colton.
Yeah, she sure did.
She gave him the boot.
Uh-oh.
Working my magic.
[CHUCKLES]
He made it seem like that she broke his heart.
He said I love you to her, and she didn't say it back.
Again, maybe it wasn't Aly Raisman,
but it seems like it was.
So if she ends up giving him the rose
because she is so in love with him, great, great, great.
Bye, Colton.
Yeah.
Then we go to our group date.
And you wanted a Vegas date?
I wanted it to be--
(SINGING) Danke schoen, darling--
I knew Wayne Newton, but I was like--
What did you think they were saying?
I didn't know what they--
I thought it was Swedish or something.
I thought, is this some IKEA song or something?
[LAUGHTER]
I was like, danke who?
It was good to see Wayne Newton.
Awkward to watch him with his wife.
That was so awkward, the singing and--
I was like, eww.
He sang it the same way both times,
but the second time was just all up in her face.
Mm, muah.
It was like, (SINGING) Danke schoen.
She looked uncomfortable.
What was her name, Kathleen?
[GASPS] [SLO-MO GASP] Oh, my god.
What were you doing?
Were you giving me a kiss?
That's Wayne Newton and his wife.
That's true.
Anytime the guys have to sing--
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
--oh, it's for you.
That's Wayne Newton.
[LAUGHS]
I dare you--
Wayne?
Danke schoen.
Anytime they have to sing, because it's
so outside their comfort zone-- by the way,
there's like 10 guys there.
Not one of them can sing?
OK, thank you.
I said that's a lie.
Somebody here can sing.
Somebody can sing.
All y'all know about it.
And I'm going to be mad if you got up there and acted a fool,
because that could have been your spinoff, honey.
You should've been offered by a singing show now.
But I will say, Chris did stand out,
which he kept talking this game.
But then when he actually did it,
I was like, oh no, you are standing out.
So then in the After Party, he got so cocky and then decides,
I'm not going to go talk to her.
I'll wait till she comes to me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, literally the worst move you could make.
Yeah, he's a guest in her house.
Right.
But what we did get in that moment
was this really sweet moment from Blake where he says,
OK, look, I know that John, last week,
said he was falling in love with you and basically was lying.
I'm falling in love with you.
And it was so sweet!
I wanted to point out that you can
tell that there is a different connection with Becca and Blake
than any of the other people.
I agree.
OK, so then Blake gets the rose.
OK, so moving on to the two-on-one date,
which it was very much anticipated.
Yeah, and they were both awful--
awful.
But I will say, I did hate David more.
I agree.
Because he's being messy for no reason.
And Colton told them, say, if you're
going to this date, fine.
And you're both going to fall off the mountain.
David, just sit there and eat your food.
Why are you doing all this?
He has this gross superiority complex
where he thinks just because--
what's his face?
Jordan.
Right.
Because he's so ridiculous, that he can be mean to him,
and he's being so mean.
He's being a bully.
And for no reason.
For no reason.
So she sends David home, thank you know what.
Jordan was smoking in the car on the way.
Oh, he was so happy.
And I kept thinking to myself, I was like, calm that smirk.
You're about to go home.
He couldn't get in that car fast enough to leave.
He was like, let's go.
Poor baby.
So yeah, so then they go to dinner, and she's like, well,
let's talk.
Now finally, we can put this behind us.
And he's like, yes, let's talk.
I'm a Wilhelmina model.
Let me show you all the faces that I can make.
If I was him, I would really stop
saying that you are a Wilhelmina model.
Let me see your Zoolander face.
Oh, Kalen, work it, girl.
Oh, ooh.
Oh, my god.
Wilhelmina, ring, ring.
Hold on, I think Wilhelmina is on the phone too.
Hello, Wilhelmina?
Danke schoen.
OK, so then we go to the cocktail party.
And the cocktail party is just totally Chris freaking out.
Yeah.
Like just spiral, spiral spiral, spiral, spiral.
I was really hoping that she'd cut him right there.
Me too.
Because you know if you're Becca, this guy is not for you.
But I will say, I did love that Wills and Chris moment,
because Wills stood his ground.
And by the way, good for Wills.
At no point was I ever like, Wills, no give him the time.
I was like, no, do you.
So then we go to the Rose Ceremony,
and it comes down to Chris and John.
And then she says goodbye to John.
He's a nice guy, but there was never any--
I know, but nice guys finish 10th sometimes.
Yeah.
Oh, that old saying.
Well, so then we get to the tease, and she's like, oh,
this has been a really hard week.
Let's all put our toast up, because we're finally
going somewhere that you guys really want to go.
The exotic--
Richmond, Virginia.
And they're all like, [GASPS] yay!
Let's say what they said, Virginia is for lovers!
Cheers to lovers.
OK, and then I will say, the tease, though,
is worth "cheersing" to, because it looks drama-filled.
We should talk about the finale.
Let's talk about the finale, because we finally
get a moment of seeing her walk onto what we assume
is the proposal area.
And she seems very conflicted-- tears, tears, tears.
I think Blake doesn't win.
And I think Blake is your new Bachelor.
[GASPS] I hope so!
That would be such a treat!
Wow.
Again, thanks to Kalen for joining us!
Yay!
And this is when I say yay!
Yay!
Comment below to tell us what y'all think.
And y'all better be tuning in on Saturdays to watch me
on OMKalen, OK?
Only on ellentube, baby.
Yeah!
Love you, Kalen.
Love you.
X-O.
Thanks for being here.
Of course.
Hold on, danke schoen.
[CHUCKLES]
(SINGING) Danke schoen.