>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I
FOLLOW ALL THE NEWS ABOUT ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE.
A.I. DOES THINGS HUMANS CAN'T EVEN FATHOM, LIKE LAUNCH
ROCKETS, PREDICT WEATHER PATTERNS, AUTOCORRECT "GENTLE"
TO "GENITAL."
REALLY, SIRI.
YOU THOUGHT I WANTED THE MOVERS TO BE "GENITAL" WITH THE DISHES?
I HAD TO THROW THEM ALL AWAY.
THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN ALL OVER THE DIRE WARNINGS FROM TESLA
FOUNDER AND VITAMIN-DEFICIENT TONY STARK, ELON MUSK.
MUSK IS SO WORRIED ABOUT A.I.
THAT HE RECENTLY TWEETED THAT KIM JONG-UN "SHOULD BE LOW ON
OUR LIST OF CONCERNS FOR CIVILIZATIONAL EXISTENTIAL RISK.
COMPETITION FOR A.I. SUPERIORITY AT NATIONAL LEVEL MOST LIKELY
CAUSE OF WW3, IMO."
YES, ELON MUSK THINKS ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE WILL CAUSE WORLD
WAR III.
MY MONEY'S STILL ON DONALD TRUMP.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I MEAN, CORER.
I MEAN THE CORKER.
THIS FEAR OF A.I. IS NOTHING NEW FOR MUSK.
RECENTLY, HE ALSO TWEETED, "IF YOU'RE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT A.I.
SAFETY, YOU SHOULD BE.
VASTLY MORE RISK THAN NORTH KOREA," RIGHT ABOVE A POSTER
THAT SAYS, "IN THE END, THE MACHINES WILL WIN."
IT'S TRUE.
THE MACHINES ALWAYS WIN.
GIVE ME MY KIT KAT, YOU BASTARD!
( APPLAUSE ) AND BACK IN JULY, MUSK ISSUED
THIS WARNING ABOUT A.I.: >> I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD BE
REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT IT.
I KEEP SOUNDING THE ALARM BELL, BUT, YOU KNOW, UNTIL PEOPLE SEE,
LIKE, ROBOTS GOING DOWN THE STREET KILLING PEOPLE, LIKE,
THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT.
>> Stephen: AND IF "WESTWORLD" IS ANY INDICATION, WHEN WE DO
SEE ROBOTS SHOOTING PEOPLE, WE'LL JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH
THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) MUSK'S COMMENTS SET OFF A BIT OF
A FEUD WITH FACEBOOK FOUNDER AND PRE-TEEN BOY WHO JUST SAW A
NAKED LADY, MARK ZUCKERBERG-- ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND ZUCK, WHO RESPONDED THAT
MUSK'S COMMENTSES WERE PRETTY IRRESPONSIBLE.
TO WHICH MUSK TWEETED BACK "I'VE TALKED TO MARK ABOUT THIS.
HIS UNDERSTANDING OF THE SUBJECT IS LIMITED."
HEY, ELON, IT'S NOT MARK ZUCKERBERG'S FAULT THAT HE'S
MISINFORMED.
HE GETS HIS NEWS FROM FACEBOOK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO, SO--
SO, ARE THE MACHINES READY TO RISE UP AND START WORLD WAR III?
AND WILL THERE BE ANYTHING LEFT FOR THEM TO DESTROY WHEN THEY
DO?
THIS IS STEPHEN COLBERT'S "CYBORGASM."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IT'S A LONG INTRO.
THAT'S A LONG GRAPHIC INTRO.
I WANT-- I WANT TO THANK ALL OF OUR VIEWERS FOR STAYING WITH US
THROUGH THAT GRAPHIC INTRO.
ELON MUSK MIGHT BE RIGHT TO WORRY ABOUT A.I. BECAUSE
RESEARCHERS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT "ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CAN
ACQUIRE BIASES AGAINST RACE AND GENDER."
WELL, THAT EXPLAINS THIS SCENE IN "2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY."
>> OPEN THE POD BAY DOORS, HAL.
>> I'M SORRY, DAVE.
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT.
>> WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
>> I'M SCARED YOU MIGHT BE A MEXICAN.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: APPARENTLY,
APPARENTLIA GREAT MOVIE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE END OF IT, BUT IT'S A GREAT MOVIE.
APPARENTLY, A.I. IS BIASED BECAUSE IT GLEANS THE MEANING OF
WORDS BY ANALYZING HUMAN TEXT, SO PROGRAMMERS DID THE WORST
THING POSSIBLE: THEY FED THE COMPUTERS TEXT FROM THE
INTERNET.
GREAT!
NOW THEY'RE RACIST AND FIGHTING OVER WHO THE BEST "STAR TREK"
CAPTAIN WAS.
AND EVEN WORSE, THE RACIST ROBOTS ARE ON THE MOVE BECAUSE
GOOGLE'S DEEP MIND A.I. JUST LEARNED TO WALK.
HERE'S FOOTAGE OF A.I. LEARNING TO WATCH.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I LOOK LIKE RUNNING TOWARDS THE OPEN BAR AT
A WEDDING.
COME WITH ME!
I WANT BOURBON!
I WANT BOURBON.
WHO WANTS-- PLEASE GIVE ME BOURBON!
WHY DID THEY DO A WHOLE MASS?
WHY DID THEY DO A WHOLE MASS!
OH, MY GOD, "UPTOWN FUNK," I LOVE THIS SONG!
I'M EXHAUSTING.
THIS IS ACTUAL FOOT ANNUAL OF THE PROGRAM TRYING TO NAVIGATE
AROUND A WALL.
HE GIVES UP IN FRUSTRATION ANDIDIZE.
UNCANNILY HUMAN!
THAT'S THE SAME WAY I RESPOND TO SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT TASKS.
( LAUGHTER ) CLEAN OUT THE GARAGE?
I'D RATHER BE DEAD.
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR THIS INSTALLMENT OF "CYBORGASM."
JOIN ME NEXT TIME, WHEN IT WILL DEFINITELY STILL BE THE REAL
STEPHEN COLBERT.