It's usually the kids that are worried about this. I'm wondering if as a parent,
we can figure out how to not be overprotective. At the end of this video,
you're going to have some clear ideas about how to get out of that
overprotective mode. So, why are we overprotective in the first place? You
know why? It's because this is a risky planet that we live on. You know better
than your kids do. You know that there's risks out there don't you? Right next to
my office is a busy street. And on the other side of that busy street is a
place that I love to go for lunch. There are some risks in crossing a busy street,
aren't there? Let's talk about 3 things that we can do with the risk. And
then we'll tie it into what it means for you as a parent. Go back to the street
example. I'm standing on this side of the street. I want to be on that side of the
street to get my lunch. But there's all these busy cars going back and forth.
Here's my first option: I can ignore the risk. I can ignore the risk. So, what I'm
going to do is just tie on a little blindfold. So, that I can't see a thing
and then I'm going to just step out into the street and hope for the best.
Yeah, how's that going to go? Dr. Paul is going to get flattened on the street.
Ignoring risk increases danger. Are we clear about this? So, from a parenting
standpoint, what does it mean to ignore the risk? It means that we don't monitor
our children's activities. Can you see how all this would go for teenagers? We
just hope for the best. Let them go out there into the world. And you know that
there are risks out there. Ignoring risk increases the danger.
So, not maybe the best option. Let's go to option number 2. Here I stand on this
side of the street, I want to be on that side of the street. Busy cars going back
and forth. I can avoid the risk. That's option number 2. I'm going to avoid the
risk. And that means I'm going to sit down on this side of the street. Not going to go.
It's way too dangerous. I'm not taking that risk. Okay, how's that going to work out
for me? I'm not going to get lunch am I? Is it safer?
Yeah, it's arguably safer. I suppose that car could come out of its lane and hit
me on the side of the road. But it's arguably safer, isn't it?
The downside? Which is a big downside if you're hungry. So, you don't get lunch.
What does that have to do with parenting? Sometimes as parents, we want to avoid
the risk and we become over protective, right? We have our kids to sit down on
this side of the street. "You just don't go anywhere, it's too dangerous." And I
know families who take this to the extreme. Can you imagine for example... Now,
I'm making this one up. But can you imagine getting your kids all hunkered
down in a fallout shelter. Alright? This is a concrete reinforced cage where
they're going to stay. And you don't have any media. No TV, no smartphones, no games,
nothing. And you bring their meals in and all of those meals have been specially
prepared by chefs who sanitize everything. I mean can you imagine
something that extreme? What's wrong with raising kids in that kind of an
environment? They don't get to experience life. If they're living in a fallout
shelter. That's an extreme. But when we're
overprotective as parents, that's what we're doing. We're getting them all
sheltered in there. Now, does it eliminate the risk? No, it doesn't. Because it could
still... But still something could happen to him, right? I remember a line from
Finding Nemo. Do you remember that animated show that came out years ago?
Disney Pixar. It was a great little show about a lost fish. And anyway, the father
fish was explaining to Dory --The little blue tang character
played by Ellen DeGeneres. That he just wanted to make sure that nothing ever
happened to his son. And Dory responds in her typical funny manner. "Well, if nothing
ever happened to him then nothing would ever happen to him." Some big downsides to
that huh? That's why we got to get out of overprotective mode. But it doesn't seem
like a good alternative to go back to alternative number 1 which is to
ignore the risk and just hope for the best. So, I'm going to give you a third
option, okay? I got your back. We're here on this side of the street. We want to be
on that side of the street, busy cars going back and forth. What are we going to
do? Here's our third option. Manage the risk. Manage the risk. What we're going to do
is take a little walk about a half a block that away. And we're going to come to
a crosswalk with a signal. We're going to push the button on the signal. We're
going to wait until the little flashy indicator indicates that it's time to
walk. And then we're going to look both directions. Even though we got the light,
we're going to look both directions and then we will carefully step into the
street. Now, in a crosswalk, you are perfectly 100% safe. Here your alarms
going off? No your not. You could still get clobbered in the
crosswalk. Managing risk does not eliminate risk. What it does is it brings
it down to a level that is acceptable so that we can actually take action and
achieve what it is that we desire. I get to have my lunch and I get to have it in
the safest way that I can possibly come up with. Managing risk is what we need to
do with our kids. There are real dangers out there. We want to make sure we teach
them the proper principles that will allow them to safely navigate a risky
world. We want to make sure that we give them all the tools that they need to do
that. We want to be available to them as a trusted loving resource. We want to set
appropriate limits. Which means that we're going to allow them to experience
the world within certain parameters that we set as parents. We've got a lot of
other videos here on the positive parenting playlist that will give you
some specific ideas about how to set those limits and boundaries. How do we
become less overprotective so that our kids get to experience life but do it in
the safest way possible? Remember, we got 3 options. We can ignore the risk? Hmm,
that increases the danger. We can avoid the risk. Well, that takes away all the
potential payoffs. Or we can manage the risk where we take intentional steps to
provide the tools and resources necessary for them to handle it. They can
handle it with our support and help. One final thought before we wrap up this
video. What's your job as a parent? It's to love them no matter what
and even if. Notice. Your job is not to make sure that certain things never
happen to them or certain things always happen for them. You don't have that kind
of power. So get off of that delusion and come back to your job. Your
job is to love them no matter what and even if. Can you do that? Remembering
your job will help you to be less overprotective. Because then it's not
your job to make sure that nothing ever happens to them. Like Dory said, "Then
nothing what ever happened to them and that kind of sucks." So, let's get back on
our job. Love them no matter what and even if. Congratulations on being
such a conscious parent. Love to have you as part of this community. Whether you're
here on LinkedIn or YouTube. Great community of conscious parents. If you
haven't checked out the Parenting Power-Up, go to parentingpowerup.com and
check it out. There's a free sample for you there to listen to. It's an audio
course that Vicki and I put together with you in mind. I hope you find it
useful.