- Workin' out ain't going to save you from nothin'
in Chicago.
You ain't seen them memes where it's like,
"(beep) work out all day to get shot
by a three foot (beep) with small legs".
(group laughs)
And a claw hand!
Get glued down by his ass!
(group laughs)
- See, deformities can be fun.
♪ I was born on the South Side ♪
♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪
♪ Everybody stick together like we was in a line ♪
♪ Cause it ain't no side like the South Side ♪
- Welcome to another episode of Cooler By The Lake.
(group applause)
The show where we talk all things South Side,
and we ask the important questions,
like why the (beep) would anybody drink
something called Malört?
- It tastes like licorice that's gone bad.
- Yeah it is real bad.
(laughter)
- Terrible.
- If the police like it, it's not good for you.
- Exactly!
- I'm your host Langston Kerman.
- And I'm your host Will Miles, and today we are joined
by the esteemed comedian actor, Kel Mitchell,
one of the legends.
- [Langston] Hey, Kel Mitchell!
- [Kel] Hey.
- Footwork, footwork, footwork, all day!
(group laughs)
- And also we're joined by rapper, actor, musician, comedian
Vic Mensa.
- [Langston] Hey, Vic Mensa.
(group applause)
- I like how I became a comedian
over the span of like two hours.
(laughter)
- Yeah, exactly, that's all it takes.
(dramatic hip hop)
- You got a better chance to hit the lottery
than to beat your father in Spades.
- [Will] In tonight's episode that you just saw,
we saw what happens when playin' Spades
with the people you love goes terribly wrong.
- Oh, you little mayonnaise-colored booger, you!
- Get him, Josh!
- You got me there!
- Is it actually possible to
end the game of Spades peacefully?
- No.
- Instant no. Alright.
(group laughs)
- You all boutta be mad at me. Okay?
So here's what it is,
I've never learned how to play Spades.
- Wow.
- But there's a reason--
- No go ahead, shame yourself.
- (laughs) That's it! I'm ashamed.
My family takes it so serious bro,
like they take Spades serious.
Like you know how the people,
with the bowling family,
with the shirts and everybody dressed alike?
- [Langston] Yeah. - [Will] Mhm.
- That's my uncles and aunties, and it's like (laughs)
I used to always just hear screaming going on,
and it was just loud,
and I think it kind of scarred me a little bit.
- Yeah.
- One of my cousins, one of her boyfriends
she was just dating had came over, and they were walking out
and he was like,
"yo, you all playing Spades? Yeah I'm good at that."
And my uncle was like, "oh, you good at Spades?"
(laughter)
- Oh, you good at Spades?
- And went into the closet and pulling out the like,
you know, the card table like "clack, clack!"
(laughter)
With the card table, you know what I'm sayin'?
Everybody started assembling, it was crazy,
like Thundercats, "Uncles! Aunties!"
and they coming from the back and then
(laughter)
Aww man, I didn't want to do it man.
I was spooked out, man.
Dude was spooked, like with the...
- That's a scary situation. - Yeah.
- So you just opted not to learn period?
- I opted not to man, like I'm even like,
I don't even do Uno, I'm scared.
- I feel like Spades just bring out the worst in (beep),
you feel me? It pits (beeps) against each other.
- It's not a happy game.
- You even mention Spades, and he's going to be like,
"yeah, remember that great game we played, (beep)?"
And (beep) be like, "remember when your bitch-ass--,".
- Exactly! See!
(group laughs)
- Like the moment something happens,
somebody get called a bitch immediately
when (beep) starts to talk about Spades.
- Yes. In college we used to play Monopoly.
We had rules where if you were winning, you got to wear
stunner shades and you got to call everybody a bitch
the entire time.
- Wow. - That's a great rule.
- "Hey bitch, give me your money."
- Damn.
- And that was a very fun thing. And if you were losing,
you had to wear a bum hat.
Which meant that you wore a Skully,
but you had to tilt it as far off your head
as you possible could.
- That's a nice swag though.
- Right? Shit looks nice.
- And you had to call everyone mister and sir.
- Damn.
- It was fantastic.
- You all really thought about it.
(group crosstalk)
- That's a sign that a (beep) will steal from you.
- Yeah, awww, yeah!
- When their Skully all the way half way off their head.
- That's a dishonest person.
- Yeah.
- When I was wearing Skully's like that,
I was definitely trying to steal from you.
- T.I. when he started out had his shit all the way back--
- It was right here.
- [Group] Yeah
he would walk around, he had like, a very thin wife beater.
He had no money, so I mean, he was, he was questionable.
- It was "a very thin" wife beater (laughs).
- I was like damn, great music, but I also am scared.
(laughter)
- His wife beater had been washed too many times.
- Yeah! It was loose and like, and I'm like,
how you going to loosen--
(laughter)
- That's the worst a loose wife beater, though.
- A loose wife beater though.
What, you coming from the car wash bro?
Why's it so loose?
- Another sign signifying that a (beep) going to steal from
your house.
- Loose wife beater?
- A loose wife beater.
- Got to go for it, with the fashion.
(laughter)
- That's with my family, too.
"You can't go out like that!
What you doin'?"
That would start a fight.
- I think in general Chicago (beep) are pretty flashy.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, it's a gaudy town.
- Yeah, we don't like to really dress down.
- Everybody call you by what you're wearing?
"Alright, purple shirt!"
- (laughs) exactly!
- Purple shirt!
- Okay, too tight shirt.
(group laughs)
(laughter)
- Okay I see you're planning to work out. Alright, alright
I see you!
- In this episode, Steppin' was a big part
of everything that was happening.
Besides games are there any other essential activities
to a black function?
- Steppin' man, that's like my family thing.
That's what we talented on.
My pops does it every time.
To show out, you know what I mean?
So he got his own music, he got the stepper's playlist.
- Is he out hittin' the sets?
- Oh yeah, no Pops get down, and anytime we have a barbecue
he grabs Momma and Momma already know what it is,
and they're hitting it with step moves.
Every time.
- Is playing
- Aw, yeah! I love it but they taught me at a young age.
The school dances, go up to a girl, "hey," do the turn,
and then you got her!
- That's all you need is to learn to turn somebody.
- Yeah, I can show you man, I can show you real quick,
you know what I'm sayin'?
- I was strictly out in the wild man but it worked out
for me when Juke Parties became, when that was the thing,
because I was like so you mean, I can post up on the wall,
and dance somehow?
At the same time?
Or I just got to dance without
actually having to be the one dancing?
I can be involved, I just got to know how to receive it.
You know what I mean?
- This works with me.
- Right exactly.
- And it helps me be like, "hey!"
- I'm the best dancer alive!
- I'm acting like I got some moves now and shit,
and the girl's going off.
(group laughs)
- Look what he's doing with his hands!
He's killin' it, with his hands that's the move!
- Oh he ain't fallin' down at all, look at him!
(group laughs)
- I was turned up at high school parties,
I was quite the thief,
Know what I mean?
Yeah man, those were the things that I did at the party.
(group laughter)
- When everybody's dancing?
- Everybody's stepping.
- Do a little spin move, Kel
I'm going to steal from you.
- I remember I just stole like,
three iPhones from one party.
I don't know what type of shit I was on but,
These were the phones that they
were playing the music off of.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So it's like the music's playin',
I steal the phone.
The music stops.
(laughter)
You know what I mean?
I disappear for a bit.
Come back, somebody had replaced it.
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean, steal that phone too.
- When you unplugged it, would you be the one to be like,
aw who stopped the music?
(group laughter)
- No, I'd be gone with the wind.
(laughter)
That's why I've got to try so many good things now.
- It's good.
- It's all about giving back.
- Because I stole so much stupid shit.
- Well.
I think we covered it.
(laughter)
- We are not our past,
and on that note.
- This has been another episode of Cooler By The Lake.
Give it up for our guests.
Vic Mensa, Kel Mitchell thank you so much.
- Yeah.
- I'm your host Langston Kerman.
- And I'm your host Will Miles, we love you goodnight,
thank you.
- Don't steal.
♪ I was born on the South Side ♪
♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪
♪ Everybody stick together like we in a line ♪
♪ Cause it ain't no side like the South Side. ♪