Hey TechLead here.
Today, after 8 long months
I have finally visited Japan to see my son.
The last time I saw him was on his birthday before my wife kidnapped him and left
This is a personal video
But I wanted to share it with everyone who supported me over the past few months
In some of the darkest moments of my life when I was at the complete loss
I know this sounds like a total failure, especially to the younger audience out there who may even be making fun of me
But I shared this story in the hope that it will bring you strength in your dark times too. Should they ever come
For me, this would not be a typical problem
Not one that I could write code to solve, not one that any amount of money could solve either
Nor logic nor hard work nor putting in more hours nor sweat nor tears
It's about taking a step back
Showing understanding and kindness in the face of resentment to a person I once loved who would betray me so deeply
They say it is darkest before the dawn that the stars shine brightest in the darkest of night
I boarded a flight from San Francisco to Tokyo where my wife had taken my son to 10 hours later
10 hours later
I've finally retraced the same steps that she had taken so many months ago with her suitcase packed full
Probably in a panic, tears on her face, on the last-minute flight and I can only imagine the sense of awakening
From a bad dream that she must have experienced when she returned home
away from the arguments that had plagued the last weeks of our time together
Just uhh.. checked into my hotel room. I'm exhausted. It's been quite a long flight
And I'm looking forward to seeing my kid tomorrow. It's going to be exciting interesting and
uhh...
It's been a long time coming
No one chooses to be unhappy
We all want that perfect life, and I know that we both tried
but life doesn't always work out that way
and in fact,
it rarely does...
Personalities clash, value systems collide, but maybe it's simpler than that
We just weren't ready for marriage as the days became weeks, became months that I could not see my child
It's been a personal struggle in learning to set aside an inner
frustration that became anger that became despair and to instead show an
Understanding in order to negotiate a peaceful path to reunite with my son
what she did wasn't right and I don't think I can ever be convinced otherwise and
I doubt she will ever admit to me or even to herself the gravity of her actions
But sometimes you have to lose to win. You have to let go to gain getting ready for the big day ahead
Getting ready for the big day ahead : )
I didn't sleep well last night really.
I mean it would be great if he recognizes me and comes giving me a hug
But he he could be entirely passive and apathetic.
I boarded the train this morning to Saitama.
Will he remember me? - I wonder
it's a suburban area on the outskirts of Tokyo
There's not much here and looking around
It feels like the middle of nowhere and it kind of is
it's just like a random suburban neighborhood. Really far from Tokyo
Maybe over an hour away
Nothing' like what I had in mind and this was never a part of anybody's plan and looking around that plain city
I felt that anger seeping back up again thinking about how much brighter our future could have been and what the hell had happened
Wasn't life supposed to be better than this but life is a crash in slow motion
No one wins in the end. We all aged and die so fast, we only salvage what we can in our short time here
She rose up in that oath blue car. I've brought a stuffed animal for my son
I don't even know what he likes anymore, but I chose something that would provide some
emotional warmth
Hey
*car door open*
Hey, buddy
He's so happy to see me :>
Me too. I've thought he had forgotten about me, but maybe it's not too late and over the past few days
I don't think he's ever let me go the past eight months
I had dreamt of this moment so many times and each time
I'd woken up to just an empty apartment with a high-end computer luxury TVs stainless steel appliances
Organic foods and despite my attempts at minimalism. I'd realized it would never be enough
All I would need was a suitcase and a plane ticket
I've spent all my life seeking the spectacular to make more money to get more promotions to travel to exotic places
To work more to achieve more yet. Despite my ambitions
I had to take a step back to find the gem here in a place. No one dreams about
As for the future. I don't know what lies in store for me time once lost can never be recovered
It's not like money which you can lose and make again and I know I've already missed so much he sing songs
I don't know the words to. Teaches me things that I can only wonder about
And takes me to his favourite places where I find myself lost
It's not the way I expected but success is never a straight line
Sometimes you have to take one step back to take two steps forward. In a week, I returned home to California
There are no right answers in life except to seek the truths we can live by
but in that moment, when I saw my wife and son again
and for just a moment forgot about all the troubles between us.
And..
even though I know nothing was settled and there was still so much to argue and fight about.
I tried to save her just that moment for a little bit longer
Wondering if my truths were really such a worthwhile thing if life was so short anyways
*happiness noises*