-Do you like to be interviewed
or do you like interviewing people?
-Uh, I -- That's such a weird --
Like, both, but interviewing is hard for me.
I don't know how you don't roll your eyes at people
when they say crazy things.
Don't you feel like celebrities,
some of them are very out of touch?
Come on. [ Laughter ]
Come on, America. You know.
-What do you mean -- well -- -Like celebrities, I just --
there's a lot of celebrities that are just so far gone
and so rich and have gotten so crazy,
I feel like it's gonna be hard for me to not just be like,
"Ugh!"
Like, every famous celebrity I know believes in ghosts.
[ Light laughter ]
And then when you hear why, you're just like, "Idiot!"
Like -- like -- [ Laughter ]
Like, a celebrity would be like, "Oh, my God.
I was in my house and, like, I put my purse down,
and, like, a couple hours later the purse was somewhere else."
It's like, "Bitch, 'cause you have help.
That's your assistant." [ Laughter ]
[ Applause ] That's not --
♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, my gosh. Just sit there.
-So -- okay, but there's more.
-Just take over the show. -But also, there's --
[ Cheers and applause ]
There's --
-I can't compete. I can't compete anymore.
Yeah, I can't do it. -Thank you.
-Oh, my gosh. Yes, I understand that.
-Do you believe in ghosts? -Well, this one time
I, uh, I opened my refrigerator and there was food in there.
[ Laughter ]
-The saddest part is doing this bit,
I pulled it open to go to a website
and I went to whitneycummings.com.
That was sad. [ Laughter ]
-That's the first -- -That's the only website
I go to, I guess, really, at this point.
-You know what? I want to hear this story.
I want you to tell the story about your dogs
on tour because we have -- -Oh.
-I love it. I think it's a really sweet story.
-You know, dogs -- people have dogs?
[ Cheers and applause ]
So when you have dogs,
because no one wants to have kids with you yet.
Um... [ Laughter ]
You can relate.
So if you have dogs,
you end up in the emergency room like all the time.
This is not a funny story.
This is more a heartwarming story.
And I'm not insecure at all. I don't need to prepare you
for the fact that this isn't about to be funny.
Sometimes you have to go to the vet at 2:00 in the morning
and crazy things happen.
I just feel like there's so much negativity out there,
and I just wanted to share the story
'cause it's so heartwarming. -Yeah.
-So this dog comes in, this woman is hysterically crying
with this dog that has probably been hit by a car.
Something -- it's bad. Blood everywhere.
She's, like, screaming, crying. This is a disaster.
The male vet comes in to grab the dog.
The dog is growling. Will not go.
She's goes, "I'm so sorry, the dog does not like men."
[ Light laughter ]
'Cause they're smart. Um...
[ Laughter and applause ]
'Cause they know. They get it.
-Oh, my God. -So --
So the dog will not go with the vet,
even though it's in bad shape. It's growling. It's scared.
The vet, without missing a beat,
goes behind the counter and grabs a giant blonde wig.
[ Audience aws ]
Puts it on his head.
Goes back over. Dog stops growling.
Takes the dog, whisks it back to the E.R.
Two hours later, emerges with the dog in two little casts,
totally healed, still wearing the wig.
-[ Laughs ] [ Cheers and applause ]
That's what men do!
That's what real men do. -My hero.
-Real men wear wigs. -My hero.
-Whitney Cummings, everybody. Check out her podcast,
"Good for you." -"Good for you."
-And go see her on tour.