I'M SO EXCITED TO TALK TO MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT BECAUSE SHE
KNOWS HOW TO TALK.
PLEASE WELCOME CO-HOST FROM THE EMMY AWARD-WINNING PROGRAM "THE
TALK," SHARON OSBOURNE!
♪ WHO AM I TO DISAGREE I TRAVELED THE WORLD AND THE
SEVEN SEAS ♪ EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR
SOMETHING ♪ SOME OF THEM WANT TO USE YOU
SOME OF THEM WANT TO BE USED BY YOU ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
>> THANK YOU, MY DARLING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY NICE.
THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME WE MET?
>> YES, I DO, IN WASHINGTON.
>> Stephen: IT WAS FOR THE RALLY WHEN JOHN WAS DOING THE
RALLY TO RESTORE SANITY AND I WAS DOING THE MARCH TO KEEP FEAR
ALIVE.
YOUR HUSBAND CAME ON STAGE AND SANG "CRAZY TRAIN."
>> HE DID.
>> Stephen: HE WAS FABULOUS.
I REMEMBER EXPLAINING TO YOU AND OVZIE, WHAT THE BIT WAS, THAT HE
HAS TO COME ON AND SING "CRAZY TRAIN, REQUEST ITS AND HE DID
NOT LOOK LIKE HE WAS PAYING ANY ATTENTION.
>> OH, HE WASN'T.
>> Stephen: UNTIL I SAID, "AND NOW YOU SING 'CRAZY TRAIN'."
AND HE SAID, "ALL ABOARD."
AND JON AND I LEAPT OUT OF OUR SKIN AND NOBODY ELSE IN THE ROOM
NOTICED.
>> I DID.
>> Stephen: YOU WEREN'T SURPRISED AT ALL.
>> I SAT THERE, VERY COOL.
BUT MY EAR WAS GOING WEEEE, WHEN HE DID IT.
IT WAS VERY LOUD.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE KNOW AND LOVE SHARON OSBOURNE FROM SO
MANY THINGS ON TV, BUT I HAVE TO ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR TIME ON
"CELEBRITY APPRENTICE," BECAUSE I HAVE NOT HAD A CHANCE-- I HAVE
NOT HAD A CHANCE TO SPEAK TO ANYBODY FROM THIS PARTICULAR
CLASS OF "CELEBRITY APPRENTICE RIGHT HERE."
THERE YOU ARE.
>> LET ME SEE.
>> Stephen: WITH THE FUTURE PROFIT UNITED STATES.
YOU HAVE ROD BLAGOJEVICH.
CYNDI LAUPER, BRETT MICHAELS, THE WINNER, OBVIOUSLY.
WHAT WAS THIS EXPERIENCE LIKE?
>> LIFE CHANGING.
( LAUGHTER ) YEAH.
>> Stephen: WAS IT REALLY?
DID ANY-- >> HELL, NO!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BUT DID YOU
SENSE-- DID YOU SENSE AT THE TIME THAT THE GUY COULD BE
PROFIT UNITED STATES?
>> WHAT?
( LAUGHTER ) NO.
>> Stephen: I HAVE SOME TERRIBLE NEWS.
>> NO!
OF COURSE NOT!
DON'T BE SILLY!
NO.
IT WAS-- IT WAS VERY INTERESTING.
>> Stephen: WHAT WERE SOME OF THE MORE INTERESTING PARTS?
>> WELL, WE GOT TO GO IN HIS APARTMENT.
>> Stephen: IN TRUMP TOWER.
>> IN TRUMPY TOWER, YES.
AND YOU HAD TO PUT ON, LIKE, SURGICAL BOOTS, LIKE I WAS GOING
INTO OPERATE ON HIS BRAIN.
YOU HAD TO PUT SURGE-- >> Stephen: YOU HAD TO WEAR
SURGICAL BOOTIES.
>> SURGICAL BOOTIES.
AND YOU WENT IN.
AND THERE WAS AN ENORMOUS DISPLAY OF FAKE ANTIQUE
FURNITURE, ALL ENCRUSTED IN GOLD.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND HE LIKES A LOT OF GOLD.
>> HE DOES.
IT'S EVERYWHERE IN THE APARTMENT.
HIDEOUS!
BUT ANYWAY...
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS ) >> Stephen: YOU WERE PLAYING
FOR THE SHARON OSBOURNE COLON CANCER FOUNDATION.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND, WHILE YOU ACTUALLY WERE ILL, YOU
HAD A VISITOR IN THE HOSPITAL TO COME, LIKE, CHEER YOU UP.
>> OH, MY LORD, YEAH, I DID.
I HAD SOMETHING THAT I WILL REMEMBER MY ENTIRE LIFE.
MY HUSBAND WAS AWAY.
AND I WAS ALL ON MY OWN.
AND HE CALLED ME AND HE SAID, "TRY AND GET UP.
TRY AND WASH YOURSELF.
MAKE YOURSELF LOOK GOOD TODAY."
I'M LIKE, "WHY?
WHY?
I'M DYING."
HE'S LIKE, "NO, NO, NO.
GET YOURSELF UP, CLEAN YOUR TEETH, BRUSH YOUR HAIR."
"ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU."
AND FIVE MINUTES LATER A KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND ROBIN WILLIAMS
WALKED IN.
AND HE CAME IN, AND HE GOES, "MOVE UP!"
AND HE GOT INTO BED WITH ME.
AND HE TICKLED ME.
AND HE TOLD JOKES FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.
AND IT WAS JUST THE MOST AMAZING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN
MY LIFE.
IT WAS JUST SO SELFLESS OF HIM.
I DIDN'T KNOW HIM.
HE DIDN'T KNOW ME.
>> Stephen: YOU NEVER MET HIM BEFORE.
>> NO!
>> Stephen: REALLY?
AND HE JUST WALKS IN THE DOOR.
>> OZZIE HAD CALLED HIM, AND HE HAD SEEN HIM ON "PATCH ADAMS,"
AND HE SAID, "WOULD YOU GO SEE MY WIFE?"
AND HE DID.
IT WAS AMAZING.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS VERY SWEET OF OZZIE, TOO.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IT WAS VERY SWEET OF OZZIE, TOO.
AN ATTENTIVE HUSBAND?
>> VERY.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN TOGETHER?
>> WE'VE BEEN MARRIED OVER 36 YEARS.
BUT WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER, LIKE, NEARLY 40.
>> Stephen: THAT'S-- I THINK I HAVE A PHOTO OF YOU.
IS THIS YOUR WEDDING DAY?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY WITH OZZIE RIGHT
THERE.
( APPLAUSE ) DO YOU-- THAT'S LIKE A CENTURY
IN ROCK 'N' ROLL YEARS.
DO YOU-- DO YOU STILL GET A CHARGE OUT OF SEEING HIM
PERFORM?
>> I LOVE IT.
I ABSOLUTELY-- IT JUST GIVES ME SO MUCH HAPPINESS THAT HE HAS
GOT SO MANY PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD THAT STILL LOVE HIM AND
COME OUT AND SEE HIM, AND HE LOVES THEM.
AND IT MAKES ME REALLY PROUD.
>> Stephen: HE'S IN A WORLD TOUR RIGHT NOW.
>> HE IS.
>> Stephen: HIS FINALE WORLD TOUR, RIGHT?
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: HIM, BILLY JOEL, AND ELTON JOHN ON ON THE WORLD
TOUR.
>> TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: THEY SHOULD FINISH TOGETHER ON THE SAME STAGE.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE SO MANY STORIES, SO MANY ROCK 'N' ROLL
STORIES WITH OZZIE OSBOURNE, I DON'T WANT TO HASH OVER BITING
OFF A HEAD.
WERE THERE ANY SORT OF THESE ROCK 'N' ROLL EXTREME STORIES
THAT YOU'RE PART OF, ANYTHING THAT YOU SAY, "THAT'S A BIT ROCK
'N' ROLL?
THAT'S A BIT QUESTIONABLE?" >> WELL, SOME I CAN'T POSSIBLY
TELL BECAUSE -- >> Stephen: YES, YOU CAN.
>> WE WILL GET THROWN OFF THE AIR.
>> Stephen: THIS IS CBS.
YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING.
( LAUGHTER ) COME ON.
IT'S NIGHT TIME.
IT'S NIGHT TIME CBS.
>> I CAN THINK OF ONE THAT'S A CLEAN ONE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: I DON'T-- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT ONE.
WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT?
>> NO, IT'S A CLEAN ONE!
>> Stephen: IT'S A CLEAN ONE?
GO AHEAD.
>> OKAY.
SO A FEW MONTHS AGO, OZZIE TOOK ME OUT TO DINNER AND WE'RE
DRIVING HOME AND I'M LIKE, "I'VE GOT A WICKED SWEAT ON AND MY
STSMS HURTING."
AND I'M LIKE, "I'VE REALLY GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND I
DON'T KNOW WHAT I JUST ATE BUT I REALLY NEED TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM."
>> Stephen: THIS WAS A FEW MONTHS AGO?
>> YES.
AND WE GET HOME.
AND I OPEN THE DOOR, AND GO, "I DON'T HAVE THE KEY."
AND I'M LIKE, "YOU HAVE TO BREAK A WINDOW.
I'VE GOT TO GET IN THERE."
SO OZZIE IS TRYING TO BREAK A WINDOW AND IT WOULDN'T BREAK.
AND I'M DESPERATE, AND THE SWEAT'S NOW POURING OFF ME LIKE
THIS.
AND I'M (BLEEP) IT THIS.
I'VE GOT TO GO NOW.
SO I WENT IN THE FRONT GARDEN.
( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN I'M THINKING, OH, WELL,
LEAVE IT HERE.
AND THEN THE NEXT DAY, THE GARDENER ASKED TO SEE ME, AND HE
SAID, "OH, I THINK THAT ONE OF YOUR DOGS IS NOT WELL.
YOU NEED TO TAKE HIM TO THE VET."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: SO THAT'S THE CLEAN 0.
>> THAT'S THE CLEAN STORY.
>> Stephen: WELL, HOW DID OZZIE REACT TO THIS?
WAS HE LIKE, "WELL DONE?" LIKE WHAT WAS--
>> NO, HE SAT ON THE STEPS OUTSIDE OF OUR HOUSE, ANDIES
GOING, "I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!
I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IT!" >> Stephen: NOTHING HE WOULD
EVER DO.
>> NO, HE USED TO DO IT ALL THE TIME.
( LAUGHTER ) HE USED TO DO IT --
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> WHEN WE WOULD STAY IN HOTELS, I MEAN, IN ENGLAND, THEY HAVE
THIS THING WHERE MEN USED TO LEAVE THEIR SHOES OUTSIDE.
>> Stephen: TO BE POLISHED.
>> TO BE POLISHED.
AND OZZIE, IF HE JUST CAME ACROSS HIM, HE WOULD GO OUTSIDE
AND CRAP IN ALL THE SHOES.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT KEEPS A MARRIAGE STRONG!
>> ONE TIME-- ONE TIME HE DID IT IN THE BAR, AND IT WAS --
>> Stephen: IN THE BAR?
>> OF THE HOTEL.
>> Stephen: OH, IN THE BAR.
>> Stephen: HE RELIEVED HIMSELF.
>> IN THE BAR.
AND THEN THE SECURITY CAME UP AND HE'S, LIKE, DOING WHAT HE'S
DOING.
THE BAR WAS CLOSED, BY THE WAY.
>> Stephen: OF COURSE.
>> EVERYBODY HAD GONE, SO IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
SO SECURITY GOES UP AND HE GOES, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
AND OZZIE TAKES HIS KEY OUT, AND HE GOES, "IT'S OKAY, I'M STAYING
HERE."
>> Stephen: QUICK THINKING.
QUICK THINKING.
WHERE DID HE TAKE THE KEY OUT FROM?
BECAUSE IT WASN'T FROM HIS PANTS.
>> THAT'S VERY GOOD.
>> Stephen: IT WASN'T FROM HIS PANTS.
NOW, WE'RE GOING INTO THE NINTH SEASON OF "THE TALK" HERE ON THE
CBS TELEVISION NETWORK.
>> YOU CAN BELIEVE IT?
NINE SEASON DISPLZ IT STARTS WHEN?
IS IT NOW?
>> MONDAY.
>> Stephen: MONDAY?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I ENJOYED BEING ON YOUR SHOW LAST YEAR.
IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.
DID YOU ENJOY HAVING ME ON?
( LAUGHTER ) ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ALL WE HAVE
TIME FOR.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T WANT TO-- I DON'T WANT
YOU TO EXERT YOURSELF WITH A WORD.
>> YOU WERE AN AMAZING GUEST.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE BEARD?
SHOULD IT GO OR SHOULD IT STAY?
>> I LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: YOU LIKE IT?
>> I DO, I DO.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I LIKE YOU.
>> I LIKE IT.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: "THE TALK" RETURNS MONDAYS ON THE CBS TELEVISION
NETWORK.
SHARON OSBOURNE, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.