MY FIRST GUEST IS AN ACTOR, WRITER, PRODUCER, AND COMEDIAN.
HE IS THE CREATOR AND STAR OF "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM," WHICH IS
RETURNING FOR ITS 10th SEASON.
PLEASE WELCOME LARRY DAVID!
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: IT IS NICE, ISN'T IT?
>> THIS IS VERY, VERY COMFORTABLE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU!
WE WANT PEOPLE TO WANT TO STAY.
>> AND IT'S FACING-- IT'S FACING FORWARD, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> WELL, A LOT OF-- THEY USED TO BE DIAGONAL COUCHES, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, SURE.
I'M WILLING TO TURN AND FACE YOU.
I DON'T MAKE YOU TURN AND FACE ME.
>> THAT'S WAIT IT SHOULD BE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
I'M THE HOST.
YOU'RE MY GUEST.
OF COURSE I WOULD TREAT YOU BETTER THAN YOU'RE TREATING ME.
>> YEAH, WELL...
THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN.
>> Stephen: IT'S EARLY.
>> IT'S EARLY.
>> Stephen: HAPPY NEW YEAR, BY THE WAY.
>> COME ON.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU DON'T WANT A HAPPY NEW YEAR?
>> IT'S A LITTLE LATE, ISN'T IT?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
>> Stephen: IT'S JANUARY 8.
THAT'S TOO LATE.
>> THAT'S ENOUGH.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE CUTOFF?
>> BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING IT 10 DAYS, BEFORE OKAY --
>> Stephen: NO YOU'RE GETTING MERRY CHRISTMAS 10 DAYS BEFORE.
>> BUT YOU'RE GETTING HAPPY NEW YEAR.
YOU'RE GETTING HAPPY NEW YEAR.
WE DON'T NEED IT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU DO RESOLUTIONS?
THAT LASTS ALL YEAR.
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE FOR THAT.
>> THAT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE -- >> Stephen: IT REMAINS TO BE
SEEN WHETHER IT'S INTERESTING.
>> THIS IS VERY INTERESTING.
THIS IS INTERESTING.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> SEE, HERE'S THE THING-- I NEVER USED TO DO RESOLUTIONS.
A COUPLE YEARS AGO, OKAY, I-- I DID ONE.
AND IT'S WORKED, AND IT WAS PEE BEFORE YOU LEAVE.
>> Stephen: ANYWHERE.
>> ANYWHERE, YEAH.
YOU KNOW.
( APPLAUSE )
GO TO THE BATHROOM.
JUST SAY, "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE I GO."
YOU KNOW?
PEOPLE AREN'T GOING TO LOOK DOWN ON YOU FOR DOING THAT.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> GO TO THE BATHROOM.
AND THEN LEAVE, YOU'LL BE SO MUCH HAPPIER THAN SITTING IN THE
CAR CURGS YOURSELF GOING, "I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T GO TO
THE BATHROOM.
WHY DIDN'T I GO?" THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
AND THAT'S LASTED.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> NOTICE, LAST YEAR I HAD ANOTHER ONE.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> THAT'S BEEN VERY GOOD.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
>> AND THAT WAS... MAKE TWO TRIPS.
MAKE TWO TRIPS.
YOU'RE COMING HOME WITH GROCERIES, OKAY.
YOU'VE GOT TO GO IN THE HOUSE.
DON'T PILE UP IT ALL, YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> DON'T PILE EVERYTHING UP AND GO IN THE HOUSE.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> AND YOU'LL DROP STUFF.
YOU'RE DROPPING CANTALOUPE ON THE FLOOR, YOU KNOW.
GO IN WITH ONE BACK BAGHDADI.
YOU KNOW, TAKE HALF, GO IN THE HOUSE, DROP IT OFF.
THEN GO BACK TO THE CAR.
MAKE TWO TRIPS.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> THAT'S THE IDEA.
>> Stephen: YOU THREW ME-- YOU THREW MEA LITTLE BIT THERE--
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THEY LIKE IT.
YOU THREW ME SLIGHTLY THERE WHEN YOU SAID, "MAKE TWO TRIPS," I
THOUGHT TWO TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM?
I WAS GOING TO SAY, TWO TRIPS, AND THEN STRAIGHT TO THE
UROLOGIST.
>> I CAN SEE HOW YOU WERE THROWN BY THAT.
>> Stephen: I WAS A LITTLE THROWN BY THAT.
>> I CAN SEE, THAT YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU GO TO A PLACE THAT GIVES THE PAPER BAGS,
PLASTIC BAGS OR DO YOU BRING YOUR OWN BAGS.
>> WHO SHOPS?
ARE YOU NUTS.
>> Stephen: I LOVE SHOPPING.
>> DO YOU BRING YOUR PLASTIC BAG.
>> Stephen: NO THE SHOPPING BAGS FOR THE GROCERY, THE CLOTH
BAGS SO YOU DON'T-- I CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT?
>> HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF NOT CARING ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
>> Stephen: I WAS ASKING IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
I DON'T KNOW IN YOU CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
>> I KNOW THERE WAS AN ATTITUDE THEY PICKED UP ON.
>> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE.
>> I THOUGHT I DIDN'T CARE -- >> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE.
I'M THE HOST AND YOU'RE THE GUEST.
I SHOULD TREAT YOU BETTER THAN THIS.
>> YOU SEE?
I TOLD YOU.
>> Stephen: MY APOLOGIES.
I'M SORRY.
>> YES.
I'M NOT DOING THE SHOW AGAIN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
I'M DONE HERE.
>> Stephen: WE'LL SEE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> WAIT, I HAVE ANOTHER RESOLUTION FOR THIS YEAR.
FOR THIS YEAR.
>> Stephen: TWO FOR THIS YEAR.
>> I HAVE TWO FOR THIS YEAR.
THE FIRST ONE IS STOP WAVING AT THE WAITERS TO GET THEIR
ATTENTION, OKAY.
DON'T WAVE LIKE THIS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE MY FATHER.
"HEY, HEY, COME HERE, COME HERE!"
ENOUGH OF THAT.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU GET THEIR ATTENTION?
>> I'M GOING TO START NODDING.
I THINK IT'S BETTER.
EH.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT LOOKS EXHAUSTING!
THAT LOOKS EXHAUSTING.
>> WHY, ARE YOU OKAY WITH WAVING?
>> Stephen: YES.
>> I DON'T THINK THEY LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> I DON'T THINK THEY LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU EVER A WAITER?
>> IN CAMP.
>> Stephen: YOU WENT TO A CAMP THAT HAD WAITERS?
WHAT KIND OF CAMP IS THIS THAT HAD WAITERS.
>> A CAMP-A-WAITER?
YOU NEVER HEARD OF A CAMP-A-WAITER.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS.
YOU PAID TO WAIT TABLES WHEN YOU WERE 16.
>> Stephen: YOU PAID MONEY TO WAIT--
>> WHEN I WAS 16 AND 17, I PAID MONEY EYE KNOW, IT'S INSANE!
YEAH.
I PAID MONEY TO WAIT.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> Stephen: DID YOU PAY THE MONEY OR YOUR PARENTS PAID THE
MONEY?
>> MY PARENTS, OF COURSE.
BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, OKAY-- I WAS SO BAD, THE CAMPERS
HATED ME SO MUCH, THAT THEY MADE ME A ROVER.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S A ROVER?
>> YOU KNOW I HAD A DIFFERENT TABLE EVERY DAY.
>> Stephen: OH!
SO YOU NEVER ESTABLISHED A RAPPORT WITH YOUR TABLE.
>> THEY KICKED ME OUT AFTER THE FIRST WEEK.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A WEAK LINK.
>> I-- THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME FOR SOME REASON.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
I WAS A WAITER FOR FIVE YEARS.
WAVE ALL YOU WANT.
>> LIKE, IN A COFFEE SHOP?
>> Stephen: NO.
>> WHERE?
>> Stephen: WHY DID YOU THINK COFFEE SHOP?
A NICE ITALIAN RESTAURANT.
>> OH, REALLY.
>> Stephen: WHY COFFEE SHOP?
>> THAT'S THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MY MIND.
I SAW YOU IN A COFFEE SHOP.
>> Stephen: OKAY, UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
YOU, BUS DEPOT?
BUS DEPOT.
YOU PAID PEOPLE TO BRING THEM FOOD IN A BUS DEPOT.
>> SO YOU WERE A WAITER IN AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT.
>> Stephen: I WAS A GOOD WAITER IN AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT.
>> DID YOU LEARN ANY ITALIAN.
>> Stephen: UN POCO.
DO YOU SPEAK ITALIAN.
>> WERE YOU SELF-CONSCIOUS WHEN YOU TOLD THEM THE SPECIAL S.
>> Stephen: NO, I WAS FINE WITH THAT.
WE HAD THE ( SPEAKING ITALIAN. ).
>> THAT WAS VERY GOOD.
VERY IMPRESSIVE.
>> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT THE NEW SEASON.
WHAT'S GOING ON INDEPENDENT NEW SEASON OF "CURB."
YOUR TV SHOW.
>> I HAVE ONE MORE RESOLUTION.
( LAUGHTER )
I HAVE ONE, TOO-- LISTEN TO YOUR GUESTS.
DON'T TALK.
I APOLOGIZE.
>> YOU SAID I HAD TWO FOR THIS YEAR, RIGHT?
BUT THEN YOU DIDN'T-- YOU DIDN'T LISTEN.
( LAUGHTER )
GROCERIES WAS ONE.
I THOUGHT THE GROCERIES WAS THIS YEAR.
WAS THE GROCERIES THIS YEAR?
>> NO, NO.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE GROSS SNREEZ PEEING WAS HOW LONG AGO?
I THINK ABOUT 15 MINUTES AT THIS POINT.
HOW LONG AGO WAS PEEING?
>> THAT WAS A COUPLE OF YEARS GLOOG AND GROCERIES WAS WHEN?
>> THAT WAS LAST YEAR.
>> Stephen: AND THIS YEAR IT'S THE WAVING AND--
>> AND -- >> Stephen: AND I HOPE THIS
ISN'T PUTTING TOO MUCH WEIGHT ON THIS ONE.
>> I'M GOING TO LEARN HOW TO SWIPE BECAUSE I'M NOT A GOOD
SWIPE WERT CARD.
>> Stephen: OH, THIS THING.
I THOUGHT YOU MEANT TINDIR OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> SWIPING.
I'M A BAD SWIERP.
YOU'RE IN A CAB, YOU HAVE TO SWIPE SOMETIMES.
NOW YOU HAVE TO INSERT.
>> Stephen: THE CHIP.
>> YEAH, THE CHIP.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
( LAUGHTER )
GET THAT ONE OUT.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THAT'S ON ME.
( APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
GOOD TO HEAR.
GOOD TO HEAR, YEAH.
NO REASON TO BE EMBARRASSED.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: PEE BEFORE YOU GO.
>> SURE, PEE BEFORE-- COME ON, IT'S A GOOD TIP.
DON'T POO-POO THAT TIP.
GLI WOULD NEVER.
I WOULD NEVER.
>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE ON WITH THIS TREMENDOUS INTERVIEW, YES.
( LAUGHTER )
IMMENSELY.
>> I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME.
>> Stephen: I'M DOING VERY LITTLE WORK HERE.
>> I'M ENJOYING IT.
>> Stephen: SURE, GOOD.
I ENJOY "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM."
I WAS GOING TO DO THIS LATER BUT WE MIGHT AS WELL GET TOW IT NOW.
THE NEW SEASON IS COMING UP, SEASON 10.
QUITE AN ACHIEVEMENT, 10 SEASONS OF ANYTHING.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: AND GOOD, AND GOOD.
AND GOOD.
( APPLAUSE )
>> HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS?
>> Stephen: THIS?
FIVE?
ARE WE IN SEASON FIVE?
FOYER AND A HALF YEARS, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> YOU'LL BE UP TO ME BEFORE YOU KNOW DID.
>> Stephen: YOU REMEMBER I DID YOUR SHOW?
I DID "CURB" EARLY ON.
>> OF COURSE, I REMEMBER.
>> Stephen: WE ACTUALLY HAVE A CLIP OF ME ON YOUR SHOW.
>> JOHN, I WAS-- >> YOU'RE CONSTANTLY UNDERMINING
EVERY DECISION I MADE ON THIS TRIP.
>> CIRC YOU KNOW WHAT-- >> THERE'S NOT A SINGLE THING I
CAN DO TO PLEASE YOU SINCE I GOT OFF THE AIRPLANE.
>> WHY DON'T YOU GUYS WORK THIS OUT, SERIOUSLY.
>> SO NO PHOTO?
SO YOU'RE OUT, THAT'S IT?
>> YEAR, I'M OUT, I'M OIT.
>> OKAY, THANKS!
>> WE JUST PICKED UP OUR TICKETS.
WE'RE SEEING YOU, THE SHOW.
>> YOU'RE IN THE SHOW TOMORROW NIGHT?
OH, I CAN'T WAIT BECAUSE YOU...
WILL... FAIL!
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
WHAT AN HONOR.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
>> LET'S TAKE A BREAK.
>> Stephen: AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE LARRY DAVID.
>> I'M EXHAUSTED!
>> Stephen: STICK AROUND.