- [Narrator] You're two Chili's margaritas deep
at "Girls Night"
when your fake-friend Cassidy
brings up Universal Basic Income.
A dab of salsa still lingering
on her freshly-waxed upper lip,
Cassidy spouts off with the authority
of a tipsy Nobel Laureate in economics.
You take an extra-large bite
of your Quesadilla Explosion Salad to stall.
(beep)
You haven't thought about UBI
since your brother-in-law
got kicked out of his local
Andrew Yang fan club.
Cassidy's reign of intellectual terror must end.
Hey, breathe.
Don't freak out.
We got you!
Here's how to sound smart about UBI.
♪ With your friends ♪
♪ Or on a date ♪
♪ Arguing online with someone you hate ♪
♪ Conversation is an art ♪
♪ So let us tell you how to sound smart ♪
Here's a 90 second breakdown
before you have a breakdown.
Okay, here's the skinny on
Universal Basic Income, aka UBI.
UBI consists of periodic,
direct cash payments
to some or all residents
of a city, state, or country.
It's like an allowance from your cold,
emotionally-distant stepdad, the government.
Most UBI plans propose payments ranging
from "cheap computer," $500-ish,
to "fancy computer," $1,200-ish.
It's not a new idea.
The Ancient Romans tried UBI
in a few different forms,
including giving everybody grain
so they wouldn't,
you know, starve to death.
In modern times,
UBI programs have been piloted in states
like Alaska and Mississippi,
and countries as diverse
as Finland, Namibia, Iran and Spain.
UBI is rooted in the idea
that things like food, housing and medical care
are human rights,
not "fun" perks like a Roomba
or a cruise to Bora-Bora.
It's less of a "social safety net"
and more of a "floor to stand on."
UBI is meant to supplement
existing welfare programs.
Not make them magically disappear,
like your imaginary friend Alfred
after he told you to steal
that hot dog from 7/11.
What the (beep), Al?
Proponents say UBI
would efficiently grow the economy
and lift communities out of poverty,
while zapping pesky bureaucracy
and a Torah-scroll's worth of paperwork.
Some opponents counter that
it doesn't focus enough
on those most in need.
Others say it's too expensive,
or that it would make people stop working
and start taking bubble baths
in tubs full of free money.
They Say, You Say.
They say, "People will spend the money
"on drugs, gambling, and niche pornography."
You say, "Well, the whole point
"is that people should decide for themselves
"what to spend money on.
"Still, people generally use UBI
"to pay for necessary basics.
"Things like food, housing, and medical care.
"Not Princess Diana beanie babies.
"Much less Princess Diana beanie baby pornography."
They say, "UBI won't even make a dent
"in America's poverty problem."
You say, "It's for sure not a cure-all.
"But it has delivered.
"In India, it improved everything
"from nutrition to school attendance.
"The same thing happened in Namibia.
"Plus, poverty-related crime fell.
"And in a small American experiment,
"a basic income helped more than
"one in three people get permanent housing.
"Seriously, it's like Oprah
"but for houses!"
They say, "This is communism, socialism, cannibalism!"
You say, "Not so much.
"Communism and socialism
"both involve a much greater
"redistribution of wealth,
"not to mention public ownership over resources.
"That's why plenty of socialists
"think UBI isn't nearly radical enough.
"While UBI redistributes some wealth
"at a federal level,
"it's a much better soul-mate for capitalism.
"That's because it empowers people
"to spend more money
"and thus, buy more (beep).
"And capitalists get real hard
"when people buy (beep)."
They say, "No government could afford this."
You say, "So, that's complicated.
"A real UBI program for sure
"would not be cheap.
"And it would obviously
increase the federal deficit a lot.
"But it would also be a huge boost
"for GDP because, again,
"people buying more (beep).
"And speaking of federal deficits, Cassidy,
"please complete my Venmo request
"from June 2019, thank you."
They say, "Give people free money,
"and they won't show up for work."
You say, "Okay, regardless of how you feel about UBI,
"this is just not true.
"Tons of studies have shown
"that people don't just
"quit their jobs because of UBI.
"'Cause, duh, it's not like you just
"won a $42 million Powerball!
"UBI wouldn't be enough
"to comfortably live off of,
"especially if you dream of one day
"becoming a plant parent, dog parent,
"or parent-parent."
Blow their minds!
Oh God, things are deteriorating.
Sharon still thinks
you're talking about UTIs,
Cassidy's crying and clutching her purse.
It's time for a pivot.
Here's how to blow their minds.
To cool things down, you say,
"So the funny thing about UBI
"is it's been super appealing
"to a lot of random people
"across the political spectrum.
"fans include Founding Father Thomas Paine,
"Libertarian economist Milton Friedman,
"Martin Luther King Jr.
"and even iconic sweaty boy Richard Nixon
"Today, Silicon Valley bros love it
"because it basically
"preserves the status quo,
"with an extra few bucks
"in everybody's pockets
"for in-app purchases.
"Across the board,
"Liberals, libertarians,
"and even some conservatives
"are all pretty horny for UBI.
"Isn't that interesting?"
So now you know how to sound
like a freaking genius about UBI.
It's time to down the last dregs
of your Jalapeno Margarita,
take a breath,
and wipe that queso-stained
smirk off Cassidy's face.
Our work here is done,
and you are officially brilliant.
See ya next time
on How to Sound Smart.