Film Courage: What patterns do you find in great movies?
Sheila Houlahan, Actor, Singer, Producer and Writer: Arguably you could say that every
movie is the same story being told over and over again, that there's really only one type of story
but in terms of actual patterns.
I just saw a film that really stuck with me
which is I think it's called Luckiest Girl Ever or something that it's on Netflix.
Film Courage: With Mila Kunis? Yes, I wanted to see that.
Sheila: I wanted really dark trigger warning I can't code it in enough of
those okay I didn't realize that going in and I wish there had been a little bit
more of a are you sure you want to watch this because watching it was oh my god
right and it's a great commercial sorry to interrupt oh yeah that it suckered me
and I'm I have to see this tell me more yeah it definitely yeah it was it was brilliant it was
the best film that I've seen in a really long time in terms of films that have stuck with me
I think it's bravery and just getting in there and really talking about for me it's the stuff
where it's wow you really you really went there and you were really showing this gross icky side
of life that people are really afraid to talk about and you you did it in such a
brave way it doesn't have to be gross I think just bravery with handling your subject matter
again that's specificity you know really being I am not going to be afraid to tell the story
even with the most innocuous story I think that people tend to you can tell when a room filled of
Executives made decisions about a movie as opposed to a creative no offense to all Executives out
there no offense to you but you can tell when a committee made a movie rather than a human
because the committee is well based on off our data this is the Teletubbies right the
Teletubbies was literally written by a computer algorithm where the computer was here are all
the things babies and that's what we got right it makes no sense the day that I learned that
was the day that my mind was blown I'm okay now that hellscape of a show makes a lot more sense
to me as to why that's the product of a committee presenting research that's what the Teletubbies is
as opposed to something luckiest girl alive that is just really specifically about sexual assault
is about a school shooter is about these things that we see and hear about in the news and in our
personal lives every single day and not shying away from that was there a moral to that story
yeah the moral to that one was don't try to hide from your trauma your trauma is inherently a part
of who you are and when you own your story and you own your truth that's when you're able to more
authentically live your life do you think there has to be a moral to every great story no I don't
I think that sometimes you can tell a really great story and let the audience decide
and that can be really powerful and that's the beauty of a lot of Art House Cinema is
that you're huh weird how do I feel about that go home and think about it you know that to me
that's just critical thinking a really important skill for sure you've talked about knowing who
you are and what do you want to say to the world when did you figure that out when did you figure
out this is kind of my mission statement or maybe that's not I'm I'm projecting that onto you but I
think that's a beautiful thing to to really have that as your who am I what do I want to say to the
world and then if I know who I am no one can take that away from me [Music] oh I'm not sure there
was a specific moment I think it's just been a thing that slowly unfolded I think by the time
I was a young adult in my early 20s I knew that I wasn't happy with who I was and for
me that turned into an internal journey of who who am I literally who am I what do I care about
how do I identify right what what identities make sense for me how do I see myself
slowly going on that Journey and then I didn't really get specific about
what it is I wanted to do until the first time I actually produced something
I think sitting in that chair of oh I actually have to think about this I don't just blindly
show up and perform a thing which is something I'd been doing since I was a little kid you know
really being the director of sorts of a ship and how that ship is moving and being how do
I want this to go from start to finish how do I want people to receive this 10 years from now
that is when I started thinking about oh maybe this is what I want to do it's more than being I
want to be an actor in Hollywood it's Oh I wanna I wanna tell a very specific subset of story
and I am drawn to these types of story of these these types of characters and here's how I would
do this and starting to think critically about those things if I saw a movie that was not good or
TV show that was just no I would be how would I do it differently you know if I'm going to critique
another artist's work I have to have an opinion of how I would do it so then starting to think
about yourself in that context I think is when you start to get to oh what but what do I want
to do you know so knowing who you are and standing up in front of an audience let's say the symphony
and singing with all eyes on you versus knowing who you are and being a producer or or possibly
somebody a director yeah maybe are they the same thing or they're different different hats almost
to put myself back on that stage and be because that's almost a scary thing all eyes on you
not really no it's the same same thing I mean of course as a producer it's over a
longer period of time right it's I this is I've been working on this script for years
oh my God it's done there she goes goodbye and then talking about it for forever after because
it's a thing that she worked on and spent years on so you're not going to stop talking about it
it's just that the time frame is different as opposed to the symphony concert you're
referring to where I was practicing every day for that for four or five months and then I
got up there and it was time to do it yeah and and it's it's interesting because it's
it's you got to go into a different Zone to do a show that you know just side note but it's
you don't have time to be acutely aware of your surroundings and be afraid it's time to just be
here we are here are all these people expecting this to not be terrible so I better deliver
yeah I mean for me it ends up kind of being the same thing I think I really do believe that the
more you are your authentic self and the more you're living in alignment with your values the
less you have to fear because I can just be here's who I am and whether I'm talking to a wildly
famous person or a person that I met at CVS it's the same you know if I'm singing on a stage to 5
000 people or if I am sitting in a room very intimately having a conversation with a lovely
human it's the same same thing yeah just being present which I think most people don't give
themselves the permission to do or be I think it's harder to today because there's so many
ways for people to try to access you or there's so many things to be thinking about and there are
and I'm not afraid of I guess accessibility I know that's definitely at the celebrity
tier of the industry there's a lot of reasons that people go into in more unaccessible space
hope I can always be accessible I had the pleasure of meeting Keegan-Michael Key at the Webby Awards
this year he was just he and his wife were just really chill and lovely a lot of stars kind of
came in for their award and left and he's just sat with everyone and if people came up he talked to
them and I was this is a balance that I want you know in terms of you just saying accessibility
it just made me think of this I always want to be reachable I always want to be accessible you
never know who might be someone that is a dream collaborator of yours who hasn't been born yet or
who hasn't woken up to who they are yet you know I think I just have to say that living
super authentically is just the way to be it's just so much easier and it feels so much better
to be in your body and have a conversation or be in your body and sing on a big stage right or
be in your body and be shooting on set that's really high pressure it's just it's gonna be
more fun every time dare I say things could be fun was it always this way for you no no I used
to have a really big problem with this Association I would just be not in my body I'm somewhere else
something I haven't really talked about in an interview but struggle with depersonalization and
derealization which means that sometimes if I'm not careful the world is not the way you see the
world for me it's just I will see stuff that isn't there and that's just a symptom of really chronic
bad disassociation from poor mental health in my life so it's just an active choice to be present
now is as scary as that sounds does that actually help with performance on stage yeah oh yeah it
does I think so much of performing whether it be acting singing stand up I mean it's the wide
variety dancing and tap dancing you know the wide variety of performance arts that there are
at the end of the day your body is your instrument so if you're cut off from your body
you can't really use it if I'm right now can feel the chair that I'm sitting on I
can experience the air in the room I am present I can tell that I am hungry I
am fully present in who I am and where I am and so I can more easily have a conversation
with you and know that everything I'm saying is coming from a real place sorry microphone
that's critical for performing if I'm going to inhabit another person I have to be able
to inhabit myself right how can I play Mary Sue effectively if I can't live as Sheila effectively
I was watching My Week with Marilyn it's it's great it's also very sad there was a line in there
maybe maybe I'm just projecting it but that the people that are great at playing other people it's
because they don't want to play themselves maybe they didn't say that maybe I'm thinking that I
I've definitely heard that before you know I think I think it can go both ways I think there are some
people who their greatest joy and Escape is that they get to inhabit someone else and that that's
healing for them I would argue that it's healing and they it because it's the one time they get to
be themselves in a place that's safe that's what I'm going to argue I think that acting at the very
least singing all of these things storytelling performative storytelling is really interesting
because it's about finding all the ways that we are the same you know if I as an actor
and looking at a script and very often people get excited about me playing villains which I
but it's I'll I'll read this completely wackadoo backstory where it's wow what has this person gone
through and on the surface it's well they were held in the mutants prison so and it's you know
weird otherworldly stuff that is just not a part of our world that is super fun if I look at it
from the surface yeah there's nothing relatable but it's strip back the layers and it's the same
generally there's something about that character that is similar to me that's why someone's
interested in seeing my take on it and if I can get over the fear of being seen in that way and
find ways to make it safe and play and maybe be cool maybe there's a way I can make this
villain more empathetic and relatable then I think that's when really brilliant art comes through.