Geoffrey here and in this video I'm going to show you how you can simplify your
relationship and identify the few root causes for divorce and how you can avoid
them. And trust me, it's not what you think.
And if you want to empower yourself with the skills and the knowledge to improve
your relationship by yourself,
then you want to subscribe to this channel and click that bell button to be
notified. When I post new videos five days every single week.
[inaudible]
and you might know from many other coaches,
other relationship gurus out there that really the main causes of divorce and
our relationship falling apart are things like infidelity.
Maybe it's some money issues that you have too many arguments,
too many conflicts that you kind of resolve a lack of intimacy.
You have unmet expectations, different priorities and interests,
unresolvable conflicts and so on.
And all of these factors and more are really the causes of divorce. And I,
if you look at all these things, it can get quite confusing very,
very quickly because there's just so many things you need to think about.
So many things that you seem like you need to fix.
So I'm going to make it much simpler for you and narrow it down to the one to
five things that you really need to pay attention to and you can forget about
these a hundred things because all these hundred things are really caused by
these one of these five things and the reason why I want to make it easy for you
like this is for you to actually understand it and once you can understand it,
you can grasp it,
then you can actually follow it and try to implement it into your own life.
So I've worked with a lot of couples and I found that any relationship issues
you can think of are really rooted in one of these five things. And to do that,
I want to show you what I called the relationship pyramid and if you've been
following me for a while, you will know this very, very well.
But the pyramid consists of five parts and the base that is part the foundations
of this pyramid is really emotional safety and psychological safety.
Then on top of that you have mutual admiration.
Then you have goal alignment and then you have sexual passion and all these five
things. They really build on top of each other,
meaning that you need the foundations first before you can build the next layer
on top and they all affect each other and so for example,
when you look at psychological safety here,
that's really the key to communication and psychological safety is simply means
are can you be open enough to express all your thoughts, all your ideas,
and actually use that openness to resolve some conflicts to improve your
communication? Well, you can't do that if you struggle with number one,
which is emotional safety,
which is how you can stay calm and control not only your own emotions,
but also your partner's emotions as well,
and lead conversations in a way that never leads to arguments. All right?
If you can't do that, if you can't control your emotions,
if you can't control your partner's emotions, your punter's defenses,
then there's no way you can create psychological safety because you're always
going to be too mad, too angry, too emotional to create that open environment.
And the same thing for admiration. If you can't resolve conflicts,
if you're always having arguments, then it's really,
really hard to admire someone. And the same thing for goal alignment.
If you don't admire each other because you have all these conflicts,
then whenever you have divergent goals, whenever you have goals,
you will really struggle to come together because you're not going to come from
a place of respect from admiration and consider your punter's point of view,
but you're going to be quick to judge.
You're going to be quick to reject their ideas as soon as they say it.
As soon as you discover that their ideas are different. And then same thing.
Finally for sexual passion. If you are struggling with all these conflicts,
it gets really,
really hard to keep being in the mood for sex and sexual passion and intimacy
because all this baggage will really prevent you from doing that.
And understand too that all of these parts right here,
all these five parts will also affect all the other parts.
And so let's say if you're having some sexual passion issues that can actually
create a lot of conflict that will destroy it. Pillar number one and two,
if you have admiration issues,
it's really hard for you to talk to each other and resolve conflicts because you
don't admire each other. And that destroys, again,
pillar number one and two and so on.
So all these parts interconnect and they build on top of one another like that.
So for example, when we talk about infidelity issues,
that's really an issue with a lack of sexual intimacy in this current
relationship.
And so people tend to look at other relationships and other people to get that
satisfaction, to get that sexual passion, that desire.
This infidelity can be rooted in the lack of mutual admiration.
It can be rooted in the fact that both of you cannot talk about your issues
together, the issues that are causing the intimacy issues in her first place,
and so your partner is really forced to look elsewhere.
The same thing for if you're struggling with money or finance,
it's not really the money or finance that is causing the issues here,
but the fact that you can communicate openly and call me about it,
that's the problem. So is the problem. He would pillars number one and two,
not the money or finance itself and same thing with constant arguing,
arguing constantly. That's really a problem with phase one here,
which is emotional safety or your ability to control your own emotions or to
control your partner's emotions to manage their emotions.
Then when you talk about the lack of commitment in the relationship,
that's the same thing. That's really the lack of admiration,
the lack of respect,
mutual respect and admiration you have and because you don't have that respect
and admiration,
you'll really struggle to find yourself being able to commit and your punter
being able to commit to you.
So any relationship issues you have are really rooted in one of these five
things.
So if you want more clarity on how this pyramid works and really how they come
together,
then you want to watch this video above my head and that will give you better
clarity on how all this stuff kind of works together. But if you really,
really confused and you want to really understand this five step system,
this pyramid system,
then you also want to get access to my four day training series where I talk
about this in depth and understand how to build the foundations for this
five-step hierarchy that has really helped hundreds of couples up to this point.
So if you want access to that,
then you want to click the link in the description box below this video.
So again,
when you're finding that your relationship is really struggling and you're in a
brink of divorce, what's really happening here,
it's not the hundred things that a lot of people say,
like the lack of intimacy and so on.
But it's really that you haven't built this pyramid from the ground up.
So most likely you're missing the key ingredient here,
the foundation ingredient here,
which is emotional safety and psychological safety.
And so when our relationship is really struggling,
the problem is not whatever people are struggling with, like the money,
the lack of intimacy and so on.
But it's the hopelessness people feel when they realize that they have all these
issues, but they can never really talk about it.
They can never really express it or resolve it.
And the reason why they can't resolve it is that they've learned over the years
that whenever they express something, it's always going to end badly.
So it's always going to end some argument, some bickering.
So rather than creating stirred, they would just keep it to themselves.
And that makes people very hopeless and very overwhelmed.
And that's what causes divorce.
But the thing is that if you look at very healthy couples, very happy couples,
you know, they have the same problems, they have the same issues,
but the difference,
the main differences that they can talk about their issues that can resolve
their issues. And so if you're finding that you're in a brink of divorce here,
the first thing you need to do is to understand how do I create this culture of
emotional safety and psychological safety?
How do I allow my partner and to create this environment for both of us?
So environment where you can control your own emotions so that you can deal with
the conflicts very calmly and very effectively.
But also how do you can lead conversation. So how you can begin a conversation,
then progress the conversation and end the conversation in a way that never ever
at least to arguments. And once you can do that,
then you can start the emotional healing process.
And you can solely show your partner here that Hey, whatever gripes you have,
whatever pains you have, you can express it. And once you can express it,
we can actually start resolving it.
But if your partner can even express their emotions,
then it will never be resolved. And that feeling of hopelessness,
that feeling of being overwhelmed and just having nowhere to go in this
relationship and not seeing this relationship getting better anytime soon
remains. And when that remains,
then you're always going to be in danger of divorce.
But once you reinstill this hope by establishing emotional and psychological
safety first, then you're going to revive that hope.
You're going to give each other the sense that, okay,
we might have some intense conflicts right now,
but because we have this openness because we have this Avenue where we can
express to each other and extra resolve some conflicts,
and we also understand how to lead the conversation in a way that actually
resolves some conflicts, then you can get somewhere. So really,
if you learn how to build the right foundation for this pyramid here and
understand how to build all the pillars one by one, all five,
then you start to fix everything, all the intimacy issues,
other conflicts that you have on talking about money, the commitment issues, um,
the lack of alignment on your goals and so on can really, really go away.
But as long as one of these things are broken, one of these pillars are broken,
then you're always going to be struggling because no only would that create all
these problems.
But it will also create some feedback loops and chain reactions to the other
cycles. That causes a lot more problems as well.
So if you're in a brink of divorce right now,
you want to look at this pyramid and you want to start from the top and you want
to ask yourself, am I having some sexual passion issues?
Do I have some intimacy issues? If the answer to that is yes,
then you want to go one step further down and you want to ask yourself,
do we align on our goals? Do we struggle to align our goals?
Do we want to go to two different directions in our life here?
And we can never reconcile that. And if that's the problem,
then you want to go one step further and you want to say,
do we honestly have some admiration issues?
Do I actually genuinely respect and admire my partner and do they admire and
respect me? And if you don't think you have that,
if you don't think you have admiration and respect and you want to go one step
further and say, is it because we really struggle to resolve conflicts?
Can we even express our thoughts, ideas,
and opinions freely without worrying that our partner would react badly to it in
some way? And whenever we express ourselves, they will lead to something bad,
like an argument. Then if yes,
if that's your issue still you can't communicate well like that,
then you want to go one step deeper and say,
do we have some emotional safety issues?
Like can I actually control my emotions and it can I manage my opponents
emotions when they're actually really, really mad? And if you can't do that,
that that's your root of the issue.
So if you're trying to save your relationship from the brink of divorce here,
what you need to do is focus on pillar number one. The foundation is here,
which is how do I create emotional and psychological safety and how do I control
my emotions better?
And how can I help manage my opponent's emotions better by understanding how to
lead the conversation in a way that never really leads to arguments and never
leads to my partner feeling very defensive and acting up and resisting.
And so that's a whole big topic in itself and it's impossible for me to just
like explain that in one YouTube video. So if you want more details on that,
then you want to get access to my four day training series again,
and it's four day training series.
We're really teach you some mindset shifts that you need to make when you're
trying to fix your relationship. Because when you try to fix your relationship,
it's not just about the technical stuff,
it's not just about techniques and what to say,
but it usually is all about mindset first. So once you have that mindset,
then we'll teach you the exact steps you can take to manage your own emotions,
to manage your punter's emotions and really understand how to lead the
conversation in a way that never leads to arguments.
So if you want to access it at training serious,
then you want to click the link in the description box below this video.
And if you want a place where you can ask your questions about your relationship
and actually get expert advice on it,
then you also want to join our Facebook group where you can post your questions
and you'll actually get expert advice on your issues,
on your questions and so on. And if you want to access that Facebook group,
the link is also below this video. And leave a comment below.
When you look at this relationship pyramid, where are you right now?
And tell me what other questions you have about it.
No share with me or questions or concerns or comments about it.
And I'll try my best to respond to your comments or make a new video out of it
to further clarify this point. So if you found this video helpful or valuable,
then click the like button and subscribe to this channel for more content like
this one. But for now,
remember that you have the power to really transform your relationship by
yourself.
So even though your partner is not willing to work in the relationship right
now, that's okay because by changing your own behavior,
you can really begin to break that negative cycle and start a more positive
cycle by herself. But in the meantime, I'll see you in the next video.