Have you ever seen a couple that just seems like everything's going well for
them? Well, watch closely. I'm going to share with you the unspoken rules of a happy
marriage.
Is it marriage awesome, right? It's like the coolest
thing in the world to be married. Who would have thought that being able to be
married and go through life together, it would be such an incredible experience.
But you know sometimes, there's those little glitches and those problems run
into or you know, what's a while you have those big problems run into. So, what are
the rules of a happy marriage? Like what does it take to be able to stay more in
that happy zone and not that frustration zone. Because I know. I've been married now
for over 26/27 years. Shoot. I mean, go ask Kim. But I think it's 27. So, I mean you
know. 27 years. I'm 27 years. 27 years. In or the 27 years, I keep trying to
figure out how to stay in the happy zone? And I figured something out here that
really helps out so I'm going to share with you 5 suggestions to be able to be in
that zone of the happy side. Now, you could be in that place and you're mad
right now where you're going that's impossible.
It's just frustration zone all the time, Kirk. Well, wherever you're at,
just listen. Maybe there might be something here that could help you.
Because I know for me, I had to figure it out too. Hopefully this is going to be a
shortcut for you. So, here. Let's go through the steps of the shortcut. First,
touch with kindness. And touch a lot not. Not in a teasing way where you're
pinching each other, poking each other or walking around thumping each other on
the forehead. But gentle touch. One of the parts about being marriages, married is
that you feel like you've been accepted or you feel like you belong. And that's
the beauty part of a marriage is that you feel accepted, you feel like you
belong and you feel like you're important. And touch delivers all 3
of those. You're... You belong, you're accepted and that you're loved. And
that's without even saying anything. Any chance you get to be able to give a
little hug, build to hold your spouses hand, be able to put your hand on their
back or touch their forearm. You know or just put your hand on the on
there on the side of their face. Any and all of that gentle kind touch literally
sends the message of you belong, you're accepted and you're loved. And what would
that do to a marriage if both of you felt that way? Wow! Wouldn't that be
incredible? You know, I hear sometimes from women. Because my wife and I teach a
class called Royalty and Romance. And the men and the women will ask questions in
the class and this class is all about strengthening your marriage and
really taking your marriage and working together and moving forward in life. Well,
during in class, there's times that we have a Q&A session. And the women will
stand up and say, "Well, I really would like my husband to touch me but every
time he touches me, I think it all leads to intimacy." And guys, we need to kind of
wake up here a little bit on this. I think there needs to be touch with
kindness a lot. That's why it says a lot. So, it's not only when we are feeling
like we want to have a physical connection but we are touching with
kindness because of you belong, you're accepted and you're loved. And if we're
not doing that, then what happens is our wives don't feel like they're loved.
They don't feel like they belong and they don't feel like they're accepted.
And then there's a distance that happens between us and our wives. And so for both
husband and wife, it's our chance to be able to use touch to send those messages
that matter of belonging feeling accepted and feeling loved.
Number 2 is to talk. And but to take turns. Usually in a marriage, there's one
who's the dominant talker and then the other one who is just quiet. And if the
person who is in the marriage keeps talking a lot and they never give the
other person a chance, as every month and year clicks by in the marriage, that
behavior gets more set in stone. Meaning, the one who doesn't talk is just not
going to talk. And the one who's talking a lot, is all
going to talk a lot. That does not mean that your marriage is going to be like that
forever. Any behavior can change. Any behavior can change. And so what that
looks like is if you're the talker, then you ask questions. And allow them to
think. And then allow them to talk. But if you don't back down on the talking,
they're not going to change. Now, if you're the quiet person and you're not
talking, this gives you a chance to begin sharing a little bit more. knowing that
they're going to give you a chance to talk and finish your sentence. and not
take over before you're done talking. you know what that's like. but to be able to
talk and take turns. because when there's an equal balance of talk, there's a very
deep connection of love, when it's out of balance with talk, it feels out of
balance. it just makes sense, doesn't it? Okay, number 3. An unspoken secret to
a happy marriages also to forgive 43 million times. You know in a marriage,
you're going to be forgiving each other hundreds and thousands of times. Just
finally surrender that this is going to happen. And if you think, "Oh, I hope
we never have to forgive each other again." Well just wait til next week. It's
going to happen again. But if you and your spouse can be very open and very
open to listen to and to extend forgiveness and to fall back in love
with each other, you're going to make it as a couple but I I'm going to suggest this.
I'm going to suggest this. A couple that does not read a book about forgiveness
is going to struggle with forgiveness. As a couple, it would be very wise for you
to have a book that one of you or both of you is reading and sharing with each
other about what you're learning about forgiveness. But I can tell you, every
time I meet a couple who is really struggling, one of my first questions I
ask is, "What the what's the book that you've been
reading about forgiveness?" And they don't have one. You talked to people who have
an incredible marriage and they're super connected. Ask them, "What do you know
about forgiveness?" And they have a list of steps, they have a way that they talk
to each other and they know how to forgive. So, when I write 43 million times
on here, that's real. That's real. And that's also my hint to you that if you
want to stay together and you want to have an incredible marriage, there has
got to be a book that you're reading about forgiveness. And as soon as you
finish that book, get another one. But to keep your mind being taught about
forgiveness. Most of us struggle really, really, really bad when it comes to
forgiveness and why bring that struggle into the marriage. Work on this so it
doesn't come between the 2 of you. Get yourself a book. You'll love it. Okay, next
one, solve problems together. The reason why you're married is because your
spouse has part of the solution and you have part of the solution. Neither one of
you are going to have the perfect answer to fix every single problem. Because you
have a man and a woman and this marriage and what's happening is they... You think
differently. There's just different energy about the 2 of you, you have
different thought processes. So, when it comes to solving a problem, it takes both
of you to bring your ideas together to solve the problem. That part right there,
I am so glad I'm married. Because Kim and I can solve problems together. And
sometimes we have problems between us and I got to do my part and she does her
part. But we can actually solve bigger challenges and bigger problems because
we work together. And I listen to her ideas. And her ideas sometimes are so not
my ideas. Just because your spouse has an idea that you have never thought of, it
doesn't mean it's wrong. It means that they could actually see from a point of
view, you've never even come from before. Your spouse did
not grow up in the family you are raised in. Is that right? They didn't grow
up in the same family. They have completely different backgrounds and
experiences to pull from. When it comes to solving problems, you can solve them
together. But you got to shut your mouth in trying to override their ideas with
your ideas. Your ideas don't have all the answers. Sorry to say, you don't know
everything. You know half of it or maybe 60 or 70 percent of the answer. Your
spouse holds the other half. And when you can talk and share with each other, you
will solve problems and got it. Snd that is a incredible amount of happiness that can
come from that. Because you're doing it together. It's beautiful.
Okay, the last one. This one has just been absolutely fun for Kim and I. Sometimes
in our greatest challenges, we are just silly with each other. We we keep our
silly side, not irresponsible silly. We're talking just silly. We we cracked funny
jokes, we do funny things but we got to keep each other laughing. Life sometimes
can be tough, right? It's not not every day is Saturday. Not every day is
Saturday. And so, we got to be the ones to create the silliness and to do the funny
things and you know, but if we can find ways to be silly and laugh, oh! Laughter
is like just the co-companion to happiness, isn't it? And so are you that
kind of person? Can you create a moment of laughter? And if you can't and you
don't have any laughter juice inside you, and you know you just can't go there.
Maybe it's time to watch some funny shows and get yourself back into being
able to laugh. Because if you can laugh, you can help somebody else laugh. And
being married, that is a great quality to have. Just to make each other laugh or
sit on them and tickle them until they do laugh, right? Well, here at 3 key
elements are mission, are intention is to be able to help you
know steps, techniques and skills to have to be able to move through life's
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have the insight and the steps and the connections so that you can work through
life challenges to keep a smile on your face. That's what we do here. Because your
relationships matter.