Hey everybody.
It's Thursday, and you know what that means.
That means that I'm on twitter.
And if you asked your questions using the #KatiFAQ
I've searched my notifications, I've searched messages.
And I have three today.
And the third one I need to talk about a little bit more, just to give it the proper time that it deserves.
And the journal topic is brought to you by,
actually it was more my reaction and my thoughts about Jess May's new tattoo.
So thanks Jess.
And I'm excited about that, so stay tuned for that one.
Okay, without further adieu. Because I've got to get this going.
Question number one: 'What do you think about friends with benefits, is it unhealthy?'
This, I thought this was an interesting question.
Because a lot of us have either a) been involved in it personally,
or b) had a friend who is dating somebody and we know it may not be healthy or they may not be monogolism, we're not really sure.
And from a therapeutic or emotionally safe and healthy place,
I would say that it is unhealthy.
Because of the fact that when we are physically intimate with someone.
Whether it's just kissing, cuddling, sex, whatever.
It is something that is very intimate, and it involves us emotionally.
Whether we like to admit that it does or it doesn't.
It definitely does.
And if you just had sex with someone,
and then you are like 'Okay bye', you know, 'No strings attached, yada yada',
and then you go out somewhere, lets say like two nights later.
And you're at a party and you see them making out with someone else.
I don't believe, and you can disagree with me.
It's fair to disagree.
But I don't believe that any of us could honestly say, heart of hearts,
that we wouldn't be kind of hurt/potentially territorial over the fact that that's our friend with benifits.
Because we are always,
as human beings I believe we are seeking proper attachments, and relationships.
And that kind of a relationship doesn't, it's not really that.
It's almost like you are mixing something that's supposed to be non sexual and intimate in a different way,
with something that's sexual and a relationship kind of way.
It's just a different type of relationship.
And you are mixing them, and you are mixing them, and I feel like it kind of is dangerous.
And also on the physician safety for our body kind of way.
If we are doing that, we really really really need to use protection, we need to be very safe about sex.
Because if any of you have done that tree thing before.
I did this sex education thing in college for my class.
And if you have slept with one person, and that one person has slept with like two people,
and each of those people has slept with like two other people.
It like builds so much so that if you slept with one person, you are in a way potentially contracting eighty diseases from lets say thirty people.
Because people sleep with a lot of different people and you can see how that would kind of grow.
And it's dangerous.
So please please please use protection and be careful.
And also protect your heart and protect your feelings.
And if that's something that doesn't feel right for you and you are hoping it will turn into something more,
then maybe that just isn't the right thing, you know.
Okay. Question number two: 'Is there any way to prevent panic attacks from happening if you feel yourself getting really anxious?'
And this is a great one.
The most common things that have helped my clients.
Well, first of all, any therapist of physician will tell you;
- Don't drink alcohol. - And limit your caffeine intake
You can't, like maybe don't drink caffeine.
I know that's hard for some people.
But those are the best things we can do to prevent them ahead of time.
Like even before we feel ourselves.
It's good for people who have high anxiety to limit caffeine intake, and alcohol.
Because it can sometimes make our hearts race and then it can make us think that, you know, it almost can
send us into a panic attack sometimes.
Because we are already having them, and it gives us some similar symptoms.
Also, relaxation techniques work.
I have a bunch of them on my channel if you want to check those out.
Those are the most common.
Also something that we have talked about for dissociation, and helping us kind of come back.
Is grounding techniques.
Like using all of your five senses.
What am I smelling right now, what am I feeling right now, and you know breathing slowly at the same time.
I feel the seat below me, I feel my soft cotton shirt.
You know, going through that can sometimes help calm us and bring us back.
Also just excusing yourself from the situation if you need to.
Often times when we are, we feel, you know, too claustrophobic it can cause that.
So maybe going away into a rest room or a ladies lounge area or something to kind of, you know, bring ourselves back together.
That can help too.
And if any of you have any tips and tricks about this, as always leave it below.
Because you have so much more experience than I do and it's really helpful when you hlp one another.
And I love it.
Okay, question number three.
Now, for those of you who don't follow 'We are fredom fighters'.
They have been on youtube for a long time.
And there are a group of them who put out videos, I think it's five days a week, it might be different.
I know each person has a different day.
And I have met one of the girls, Briana, I think her videos are up on Thursday, today.
But anyway.
Unfortunately, Arielle, the main person who started it.
Her husband took his own life recently.
And so she is going through that.
And they haven't posted any videos recently.
And Briana reached out to me to ask me to talk about it.
And I thought it was perfect timing because I read all the comments, you guys know that.
I respond to as many as I can.
And in my last video about suicide some of you loved it and some of you hated it and disagreed with me.
And that's fair, right.
Like that's our community.
We are not always going to agree with one another.
But the reason why I want to take more time on it, is because I honestly for many of the points feel like some of my points
didn't get across in the way that I intended.
Because these videos are relatively short.
And today's may be a little longer because I want to make sure that my point is heard and that any feelings
that were hurt, I want to make sure that we have kind of resolved that as best we can.
So let me know as always below, let me know what you think.
But the question is: 'Hey Kati, can you please make a video about how to cope'
'with someone killing themselves. Arielle lost her husband that way which is why freedom fighters hasn't posted'
'we are very sad. Please help out.'
Now the first thing that I want to mention is that death is death.
And whether someone killed themselves, whether someone had cancer. It's all really difficult.
And I have a video about grief and grieving.
Which you can check out on my channel, and it's something maybe somebody might want to pass around between the people that maybe you know at We Are Freedom Fighters.
Just to give them.
I think I mentioned some books in there and I talk about how I got over, not got over,
that's not even the right term I want to use.
Just move forward from the death of my father.
And even talking about it sometimes I get all teary.
Because it's a person to us, right.
And I think that's the point that I wanted to make clearer about my video from before.
Is that suicide isn't a selfish act.
That's not what I was saying.
What I was saying is I can understand why people say that because those of us who are left behind feel really hurt.
And we feel lost.
And we can, like I talked about I had a friend in high school who found his brother.
And that's really traumatic.
And it's really hard. And it can impact people's lives endlessly.
For the rest of their life they can struggle from that experience.
And I heard many of you say 'Well then those people were being selfish'.
And yes, we are all thinking about ourselves. Right.
The person in pain who is considering suicide is thinking about themselves.
Because they see no way out.
And the people on the other side are thinking 'Fight harder. I want you around. I love you. I care for you. Please be in my life. I want you there for all these events.'
So, in essense.
The human condition is selfish, to some extent.
And so that's what I was trying to express.
That the people who are left behind or the people who have to find the body of the person who passed away, it's really hard.
And they would wish it didn't happen.
And that can be selfish, yes.
But we can see both sides.
With everything we can kind of see both sides.
Am I wrong?
I mean, I understand that people are in pain and I know that it's a big deal.
And the main point that I didn't make last time that I really want to express this time.
Is often when people are contemplating suicide.
Seriously contemplating suicide.
They are not in their right mind.
And they are not thinking clearly.
They almost can even, they have lost touch with their own reality.
And that's what 51/50's were created for.
In the state of California, if I feel someone is a danger to themselves.
I can put them in the hospital for 72 hours so that they are safe. So that they don't kill themselves.
Or hurt someone else.
It's both. But today we are just talking about hurting themselves.
And that leads me to the second point of; if you notice something, do something, say something, reach out.
People are hurting all around us.
And it's hard.
But having support of people can turn it around.
I mean, I have had many clients who swear that their best friend had saved their life because she has been there through the lowst of lows, you know.
And having people reach out to you. Having people, you know, make plans with you and keep you going.
It can really help.
So I think that a lot of times, suicide can be prevented.
And yes I believe that we can work harder. Fight harder. Get out of it. Do things to shake things up.
Because even if it's just telling a loved one: 'I can't help myself, I need you to do something for me. I need you to take me the hospital.' Or I, anything.
If there is any way for you to reach out to in a way save yourself.
Please do it.
Because life is precious.
And I know that it can be painful and I know that many of you are thinking, you know, there's no way out, and there's no way that this is going to get better.
But I promise, if we get the help that we need and the support that we need.
Things do get better.
And I am so sorry to Arielle for her loss.
And I hope that my grief and grieving video will help you.
One thing that my therapist told me when I was going through, when my dad had first passed away is.
She was like 'Kati, you know, you run marathons in life. You'
I'm going to get teary about it.
She's like 'You do a lot. You're busy. I was in school at the time.'
She's like 'You're in grad school, you work in a treatment centre, you have clients, like you have a lot going on.'
And she was like 'You know, this is like God throwing on like an 80 pound backpack and being like go run your marathon. Because you run those all the time.'
And we can't.
And so for any of you who are grieving out there and who are wondering 'What do I do?' and 'How do I move on?'
Slow down.
That's the best thing we can do.
Slow down.
Take your time.
It takes time. And grief is interesting.
Because like, my dad passed away six years ago.
And I still cry about it.
And there will be songs that come on the radio and I'm like, 'Oh I really miss my dad'
And I think that that's fair.
And that's okay.
And we all have our own process, right.
But losing someone, especially when it's abrupt is really really hard.
So take your time.
Give yourself time to grieve.
Please please please seek therapy.
That was like my life raft.
That saved my life.
Because things were really hard.
So I would encourage all of you, if you know someone who is hurting.
Reach out to them. Let them know you're there.
If you yourself are hurting. Please reach out for help yourself.
Find a therapist. Find a support group. There are a lot of wonderful grief and grieving groups out there.
So all it takes is a simple google search, okay.
So I hope that that clears things up. If it doesn't, let me know and I'm happy to keep talking about this as much as you guys want me to.
But I think that this video is probably getting really long.
And my journal topic is amazing.
So, I'm excited.
So Jess May just sent me a photo of her tattoo, and it's in the process, it's not all complete yet.
So the colours aren't in.
But it's of a phoenix.
And I'm a potter head. For any of you who don't know, I love Harry Potter.
And you know there is a phoenix in it. Dumbledore has a phoenix.
And the phoenix turns to ash, it like dies but it turns to ash and it's birthed out of ashes.
And it got me to thinking, especially with all the stuff that's going on and what we are talking about.
Is that life can be a real shit-pot. It can be terrible.
But we can born again in our own.
We can birth a new us.
We can decide who we want to be, and how we want to be, and who we want in our lives.
And we can start making changes, right.
And that's what is so wonderful about life.
Is that things can be real shit. And we can make small changes every day, working towards a goal of a new us.
And that's what I love about it.
Because life is amazing.
And if somebody told me I'd be where I am now, back six years ago when my dad passed away.
I'd be like, you're lying.
So you never know.
And so I would encourage all of you today, to give some thought to what you want to be born into new.
What kind of new you are you working towards?
And then let's start taking some steps.
So let me know, what are your big goals, what do you envision yourself doing? What would you like to be birthed again to?
Like the phoenix.
Because that's such a beautiful bird, and I just love the whole idea.
So, yea.
Okay, I love you all.
I hope that helps.
Tomorrow is finally Friday.
And I will be on facebook, so ask your questions there.
Okay, bye!
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