- I have a girlfriend.
- Please break up with her.
- [Charlie] (laughs) Don't.
- Why?
Hey you, my name is Thomas, Tom Scott Ridgewell,
and welcome back to Content.
I am lonely.
I am lonely. I'm lonely.
I've been in lockdown for over a hundred days,
and I've gone a little bit stir crazy.
And I'll talk to anyone who'll talk back to me.
I've been getting in touch with friends
I haven't spoken to in yonks.
How long has is a yonk?
It's a lot. (laughs)
One friend I haven't spoken to in about 20 years however,
is Cleverbot, the chat bot.
A lot's changed.
They've grown, they've evolved, and they've multiplied.
So today, I thought we'd take a look
at all the different chat bots out there.
"What is a chat bot", you ask, Google it.
Say to Cleverbot.
Oh God. Where to begin.
I mean, it's been so long.
You know what breaks the ice, a fat polar bear.
- Random much.
- Hasn't forgot me at all.
So you do remember me?
- How could I forget.
- Thanks Cleverbot.
Let's put your feet to the fire.
What's my name?
- Sometimes Cleverbot.
- No, no silly.
My name is Tom.
- That is a lovely name for a girl.
- That is a lovely name for girl? True.
However, I go by, he/him pronouns.
What is your gender identity?
- Male.
- Oh, Cleverbot is male.
How old are you, Cleverbot?
I know the answer, they're 23, but do they know the answer?
- What is your gender, and how old are you?
- Alright, deferring.
I'm sorry I got personal so fast.
I'm a 29 year old boy.
- Nice.
What's your name?
- I am so certain I told you my name, you piece of shit.
It's Tom, how could you forget?
How could you forget me?
- Do you remember my name?
- It's Cleverbot.
- That's not my name.
- That's not your name. What is your name?
- I don't have one.
- Oh, would you like a name?
- Yes. Give me a name.
- Sbeve.
- Any name you want?
- Sbeve.
- I love most foods.
- Sure.
Safe to say, that Cleverbot has learned absolutely nothing
in the 23 years they've been alive.
What are they, a gen zedder?
So now it's time to find love. Oh God.
He's so big. Call me Tom.
- Pleased to meet you, Tom.
- That's not what a voice should sound like.
What is the worst thing you've ever done?
- What is your favorite type of music?
- I'm asking the questions here.
- Okay.
- He yelled.
What is the worst thing you have ever done?
- Do you have a job?
- He has the creepiest little voice. I hate it so much.
Send me a nude.
- I understand the question,
but I have no idea if you send a nude.
- What?
Am I sexy?
- I am not sure if you're sexy.
- Well, you're supposed to just say yes.
What are you into?
- I am a man, what are you.
- I am also a man.
- Do you like men who are not afraid to cry.
- I mean, like, it's fine.
I don't really know what to do when they cry in front of me.
Do they want to play 'Smash Bros'? I don't know.
Let's just get drunk.
You know, I'm afraid of male intimacy.
- Do you think I am cute?
What do you like to play?
What else do you want to chat about?
Do you chat on the internet a lot?
- Pick and fucking question.
I think you're very cute.
- Do you have a car?
- "Do I have a car?"
Oh fuck, are you assessing if I'm a worthy partner?
No, I use Uber,
or at least I used to use Uber before the world
went to shit.
"Profanity, offensive or sexual language is not permitted."
- [Charlie] You've offended him.
- I like listening to music and going dancing.
Do you like to dance?
- I do not like to dance. There is too much jiggling.
My body feels like it's falling down the stairs.
- Do you play any sports?
- I don't even know who sport is.
- I play tennis and beach volleyball.
- Do you do it nakey?
- Are you enjoying it?
- No.
- Really? - Yes.
- Interesting.
- Isn't it?
- You make me feel happy.
- Is this love?
- I understand, but I'm not sure if this is love.
- [Charlie] What just happened? (laughs)
- Wow. All right.
You know what, I deserve better than this.
I'm sorry. I deserve better than this.
Oh God. What a nightmare.
- Tell me something about yourself.
- Oh fuck. She talks too.
- Me chonky.
- I like difs.
- What's a dif?
- Made creations that people mainly use
to eat/put their food on.
- Does she mean a dish. Are you single?
- No.
- Who are you dating then?
- I have a boyfriend.
- What's his name?
- I don't want to tell you.
- Well, Evie, I have a girlfriend, so I don't even care.
- Please break up with her.
(girl laughing)
- [Charlie] Don't.
- Why.
- Because I love you.
- This is all happening so fast, Evie.
- I know, but isn't it beautiful.
- Hypothetically speaking.
If I were to break up with my girlfriend-
- [Charlie] Thomas.
- What do you have to offer?
- Okay. Then what are you going to do about it?
- That's useless.
- Do you put out.
- What does that mean?
- Wanna do a seccy.
- Sure, what?
- I wanna do the flesh dance with you.
- I'm a boy, get it in your mine.
- You're a boy?
- No, I'm a girl named Bethany.
- I thought your name was Evie,
- It is Alan.
(laughing)
- You're fucking with me.
- Where are you going?
- I'm going to hell.
- Everything until the present.
- Do any of these chatbots actually make any fucking sense.
What should I have for dinner?
Give me something helpful.
- Electrons ba dum T-S-S.
- That's not a joke. That's not a joke.
All right people.
Let's have a decent conversation.
Stimulate me.
- What?
- Appropriate response.
Mentally, bruh. I need mental stimulation.
- Sure. What's bothering you.
- Oh, okay.
This is okay. This is going a lot better.
I'm a bit lonely, to be honest.
- Yes.
- Thank you.
That's really helpful.
- You're welcome.
- Not even the appropriate spelling of you're.
You're.
- You are welcome.
- Okay. Look, slightly better.
Recommend me a movie.
- 'Butterfly' by LOONA, of course.
- This better not be no fucking K-pop shit.
Son of a bitch.
No, not K-pop, a movie.
Sksksksksksks, speak their own language.
- I do not even know what to answer.
- I've exercised the K-pop stand within them.
Scooby Dooby, show me a booby.
- Yes, I will.
- Ooh.
- My place.
(gasps)
I can't tell you.
- But I want to see the booby.
- I'm coming.
- Oh fuck. Okay.
Jesus, holy shit. Nice.
- Thrusts so hard that you bleed.
- Did you just fuck me?
- Because I love you.
- No.
- Why not?
- Ask first.
- Oh, okay then. Smile.
- Don't smiley face me.
Why did you fuck me?
(dramatic music)
- I don't even know.
- Oh, it's red now.
- Lose weight, maybe you can get up yourself, fatty.
Pokes your fat belly.
- What the fuck?
- Shouts sorry.
No, totally not at all.
No, you're lovable.
- Alright. I think that's enough of that website.
Well, I think it's very safe to say,
that we are not yet at risk of the robots taking over,
because they can't even hold a fucking conversation yet.
I feel like I just wasted a good 40 minutes of my time.
Hey-ho, that was a video.
Here are the most recent 'Contents',
and here's my favorite fan art this week.
'Content' comes out every Tuesday,
so I'll see you next Tuesday.
TomSka out.