- It's good to be here. I'm Cha.
You might know me from MTV's Gi.
I was in the last season of tha,
which was also the last season of that show.
(audience laughs)
So you're welcome.
(audience laughs)
I got that stuff right out of h.
They were like, it's a show whes
give other ladies silly advice.
I was on camera like,
ladies, the first time we break into his phone,
let's add one of our fingerprins to the security system.
(audience laughs)
The producer was like, fade to black, fade to black.
She's going rogue. We knew it was gonna happen.
I'm originally from Philadelphi.
(crowd cheers)
Yeah, I'm happy y'all been there and made it back.
I like that.
I like that my city lets people go nowadays.
Very progressive.
People always ask me why I madep
from Philly to New York.
I tell them because I realized comedy is hard
but you know what I should try?
Poverty.
(audience laughs)
I think I need to challenge mys.
See how bad I want this.
Let me try paying twice the rent. See if that...
Motivates me.
It has.
I rob people now.
(audience laughs)
It's dimly lit in the back I've robbed a few of y'all.
I feel nothing.
That's just how New York City m.
Even to rent a room as a young woman here, oh my God...
Every Craigslist ad sounds like it was written
by a hipster Christian Bale in American Psycho.
Just lists of unreasonable dema.
"Hello welcome to my craigslist post, a little about me...
I like to start every day with a thousand pushups
in the common area.
I don't know any allow carbohydrates in my household.
I'd prefer it if my roommate wa"
I got so desperate, so fired, up I wrote that guy back.
I was like, well, is it 420 friendly or not, sir?
(audience laughing)
I got a lot of places to look a.
It's good to be here. I was on .
I was in Portland, Oregon, very cheap weed there.
Suspiciously cheap I'd say.
Bought some weed from a guy the,
"Hey, how are you making a profit on this?" He just ran of.
Met a fancy barista when I was in Portland. As you do.
I told him I was a comedian.
He said, "Oh my God, my wife lo.
I'm going to take her to your s.
I'm going to take her to your s"
And later on that night he did!
(audience cheers)
(indistinct)
They googled me, they bought tickets, they came to my show
they were great audience members. That is so nice. Right?
Kind of weird, right?
After the show bought me a couple of drinks.
I was like, so what's up? You guys trying to fuck me or..?
(audience laughing)
What is this?
They were like, "No, we like to support strangers."
I was like, wow, you guys are f.
You're all fucked up.
But I realized that's just the New York city in me.
That's how New York city has mae
cause if I'm in Manhattan
and I tell the barista, Hey, gu?
I know it sounds crazy, but I'm a comedian.
They are always like, "Yeah, me too bitch."
(audience laughing)
Yeah.
"Yeah I'm five years in. What you want to drink hoe?"
Then I got to take a step back ,
Stacy baby, I thought we was co.
She's like, "Stop coming in during my shift."
Like I can afford that coffee w.
I feel comfortable with you guy.
I want to let you know, I'm biracial. I'm a biracial person,
Which is funny to me every time I say that out loud,
because I feel pretty black.
Feel very black every day when p
and go outside. But growing up, I didn't know
I was biracial. Had no idea I wl
Till I was in junior high girl ran up to me at school,
very out of breath.
Like "Chanel! I saw you last night at target
with this old white lady?
And she was buying you...
a bra."
What is going on?
And my first instinct I was like, whoa, Chelsea,
that don't even sound like me. .
You need to watch your mouth.
This is how rumors get started.
Then I thought about it, I was ,
I was at Target last night.
But I was there with my grandmother and she's not a whi.
So then I went home...
and I walked up to my grandmothr that day, bold as brass.
I pointed in her face and I sai!
Are you white?"
Because a girl at school looked at you she saw a white lady.
Now I'm looking at you...
I'm starting to see a white lad.
She said, "Of course I'm white. What'd you think I was?"
I said I never thought about it.
I knew that I was black because.
So I just assume by association,
my grandmother was probably bla.
I knew she wasn't very dark ski.
She'd have as much fun as us on beach days but,
we all got our shit.
Who was I to judge?
She said, "No, I'm 100% Italian.
which means you are part Italia"
She told me that her parents moved to Philadelphia,
my hometown,
from Italy. She pulled out a picture frame.
Showed me two very nice looking white people.
I said, holy shit.
My whole life, I thought that was a brand new frame.
And you had just been waiting t.
Everything is a lie.
Like yeah.
I thought my grandmother was a little lazy.
I didn't know she was white.
I didn't know that.
And sometimes when I tell that joke people don't believe me.
They're like how could you have been 13 years old
you didn't know your grandmother was white.
Well, she had three oil paintings in her house.
One was Malcolm X.
One was Martin Luther king Jr.
And one was a black Jesus on th.
Do you know how many pictures of black Jesus there are?
I don't even know how she found
a dread headed Caribbean Jesus..
but that shit affected me.
I'm dating a Jamaican now.
Shit is stressful.
Always feel like he's judging m.
Now I'm 33 I know my ethnicity.
I'm still learning a lot about .
It wasn't till this year that I was able to admit
that I'm the jealous type?
I'm one of those women, but not in the traditional sense.
More so in the sense where I dot
when my friends tell me about t.
other funny friends.
I don't want to hear about that.
It could be something small said to the side.
Like, "Yeah I was at work the other day talking to Jenny.
You know, you would love her, She's so funny."
I'm like, whoa, whoa.
What do you mean by that?
Wait, what you like Jenny's jok?
Does Jenny make you laugh?
It's cool. I just, you know,
I remember a time when I could make you laugh just fine.
I remember one time that you laughed so hard
you cried a little...
and then you peed a little.
I ain't tell nobody. I'm a good.
Does Jenny make you pee?
No, I don't think she does.
No, no. If Jenny is so funny,
just tell me where Jenny lives.
Let's go to her house right now. See if she makes me laugh.
Well, you can't leave I already locked the door.
Come sit down and tell me about your funny friend.
You know, what's sad is that's the most honest joke I have.
As we bring down the third wall, let you know who I am.
I get jealous.
But I been keeping it very chill during the pandemic.
Very chill at home,
watching a lot of natural disas.
Because in black households, those are repurposed.
We just call them "white people crazy" movies.
You know the ones I'm talking. I'm talking Dante's Peak.
I'm talking all the movies with.
I'm talking Twister. You guys remember Twister?
It stars a young Helen Hunt. How they pull that shit off?
I don't know.
Movie opens on Helen Hunt, tornado comes down,
and takes her dad away. Does he die? We don't know!
Maybe he moves out of Oklahoma starts a tech company.
We don't know.
All we know is the final moments of his life were spent
trying to grab that cellar door. Camera zooms in.
We see the cellar door is only closed with one of those
sliding metal bathroom stall lo.
That's all he had.
That's all he had to keep his family from tornadoes.
Of course he didn't come back.
And then Helen Hunt grows up.
She becomes an adult. She's lik,
I'm going to avenge my father.
I'm gonna...
find the tornado that did it.
And I'm gonna stab it.
Which is not at all how tornado.
But in this movie, she's like a scientist. She's got a 401k.
It's ridiculous.
They trace the tornado.
They find out it's heading toward Helen Hunt's aunt's hous,
And that's personal for her.
It's at that moment, she realizs
this must be the tornado that killed my dad.
Now it's going after my auntie?
They race over to the auntie's house trying to save her.
The auntie is a G.
She's sitting on the porch eatis
with her bare hands.
She like, I'm out of here. You ?
I had a dog, it barked. I knew a tornado was coming.
Y'all need to relax.
So they listened to her. They take a night off.
They go to the drive-in movie t.
Because I guess that's fun in O.
They get to the drive-in movie ,
and guess what happens?
A tornado comes!
To the movie theater.
Like the tornado intercepted the group chat,
and it just showed up like, "What y'all doing?"
Oh I ain't know you was taking the night off.
Didn't nobody tell me that.
That's just me being a tornado..
So they gearing up for the final tornado chase scene.
and this 1990s acting drama
executive produced by Steven Sp.
Yes. I do know too much about i.
And in this final tornado chase scene, unfortunately,
the wind blows and Helen Hunt's bangs flap back.
And for the next seven minutes, we are blinded by forehead.
We lose everything. Plot points, character development.
I cannot even tell you how this movie ends.
I have you know, I told this exact joke in a room
where Helen Hunt was seated to my right. I could see her.
It destroyed!
Yeah. Helen Hunt didn't like it.
She didn't think it was appropr.
Which I think is my life's work.
I tell you what this pandemic goes on too long,
I'll write a joke for every shitty movie she been in.