What about this, J. T. Kirk guy?
I'm pretty sure we already have a captain onboard.
Computer... just...
give me some of the best you got.
Acknowledged.
Populating crew.
Communications Officer, Uhura.
All decks standing by, Sir.
Chief Medical Officer, Beverly Crusher.
Looks like you could use some help, Captain.
Chief of Security, Odo
and Science Officer, Spock.
Request permission to come aboard.
I like this guy.
You should take notes, Jankom.
Permission granted.
This is gonna be easy.
What's the sitch here?
Outpost Two coming into sensor range, Captain.
Have a blip on the motion sensor, Captain.
Captain, I am getting something on the distress channel.
Now we're talking. Put her through.
Imparative! This is the Kobayashi Maru.
We have struck a prophetic mind and have lost all power.
[laughing]
What a bunch of whiners.
Sir. That ship is located in Gamma Hydra Section10.
The Neutral Zone.
Okay.
What's the big deal?
Look, the Neutral Zone is all that separates
the Federation from the Klingons.
No one is allowed in.
Entry into which, by either side,
would constitute an act of war.
I'm reading 87 lives, Captain.
Shields failing. Hull breach eminent!
- They're running out of time! - Umm.
Quick show of hands!
Does anyone know these people?
Excuse me? What does it matter?
So, nobody then?
Okay. This one's easy.
Reverse course and warp us out of here.
You heard the cap!
- Back it up! - Not acceptable.
Their very lives hanging on what we do...
Or on what this vessel fails to do.
All good points.
Everybody, everybody, calm down.
I'm in command, so I'm allowed to...
I don't care whether it's the law or not, I will not do it!
You can order me all you want.
As of now, I am resigning my commission.
Ooh! Let's do that. Yes! Mutany!
Yes! Mutany! Mutany! Mutany!
No! Sheez! Everybody, cool it!
Ugh! Fine!
Change course for the Neutral Zone.
That's not good enough. You may very well start a war.
But you just told me to go in there!
We have two Klingon ships closing after us!
Bearing one three six mark four!
What? Where'd they come from?
Battle stations. All hands, battle stations.
We are surrounded.
Proton torpedoes locking on target.
[screaming]
Simulation complete.
[chuckling]
Simulation... right.
Oh. Jankom Pog knew the whole time.
Captain assessment score, three percent.
Leadership, two percent.
Judgment, point one percent.
Oh, come on.
Oh! Jankom Pog is going to blast this out to the others.
So, my crew never respects me again?
No, I can do this.
Boot it back up.
[laughing]
Jankom's lost count how many times you've failed!
Just joking. It's 42.
I don't care what the crew thinks anymore.
This is personal. Boot it back up!
Attempt number 49 .
The phenomenon of your stubbornness
belongs in a medical textbook.
[grunting]
[laughing]
Let me guess, Cap. Are you gonna get ‘em next time?
- Boot it back up! - Attempt number 61 .
Fire... everything!
Captain, are you quite alright?
Boot it!
- No! - Attempt number 78 .
We're not going to let this happen again!
Not again!
Boot it back up.
Attempt number 99 .
Hi cha!
I believe he has lost the capacity for rational decisions.
Yes, he's infuriating, sir. How can you stand it?
Again!
Why can't I beat this thing?
Whoa, calm down! It's just a game.
Game?
That Starfleet game is telling me
I don't have what it takes to command a starship!
What are you saying? It's right?
That the Federation's got something I don't?
Ahh. Yeah, tons of stuff.
Uh. Ah.
Maybe if you listen to your crew once in a while,
you'd do better.
Or, or maybe someone on my crew isn't loyal enough!
- Ahh! - Computer!
- Arch! - Huh?
Huh.
Hey, come on, Who's gonna point out your mistakes?
Seal the entrance!
Gimme a better engineer while you're at it!
Thank you, Sir. And call me Scotty.
Okay? I finally cracked it.
Hairpiece, keep that mic hot.
Moustache and Jelly Man, know your roles.
Pointy Ears and Big Red, with me.
On my mark.
Ready?
It is go time.
Imparative! This is the Kobayashi Maru.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We hear you, Kobe.
Why don t you enjoy some relaxing tunes?
All channels are totally jammed, Captain.
It's a little loud!
Which means our stealthy Klingon pals...
can't hear what's coming next!
Engage impulse and a barrel roll loop.
Overload the warp core 130 percent.
The plasma intercooler's gone!
The engines are overheating!
Frankly, I fail to see at any point at all.
Gotta keep them on their toes, Jelly Man.
I've blown up so many times.
I see now the only way out is chaos.
Three! Two! One. Presto!
Got a present for you.
And it comes with a message.
What's that old Klingon saying again?
Oh yeah. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Scotty! Eject warp core!
You got it, Captain.
Lasers! Full spray!
Sweeping the area of Outpost Two.
Sensor reading... indefinite.
And the Kobayashi...
Despite your unconventional tactics, they're still alive!
[laughing]
Yes!
Sensors are picking up a Klingon battle cruiser,
rapidly closing on the station!
No!
Impulse and weapons are offline!
We're dead in the water!
If only we could get off this stupid bridge.
Transporter operational, Captain.
How big this holodeck?
[groaning]
You!
Did I do it? Did I win?
Wait. You didn't say you could super pinch?
My congratulations, Captain.
Dal to Enterprise.
You guys clean up here.
I'm going to personally escort
the Kobayashi Maru back to safety.
This is your Captain signing out.
Stay safe out there.
Wait. Stop!
No!
[gasping]
Am I correct in my assumption that you've been disturbed
by what you consider to be a failure on your part?
I sat in the seat,
I gave the commands,
I tried to win at any cost,
and I still lost.
And what is it that makes one man an exceptional leader?
No disrespect intended, but you must surely realise
you can't announce the full truth of the crew.
You're the captain of this ship.
You can't afford the luxury
of being anything less than perfect.
If you do, they lose faith,
and you lose command.
But I'm not perfect.
I've never captained a ship.
I've never had a crew.
What do I know?
That the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
So, a good captain
puts the needs of the crew before himself.
Maybe I should be using these ears more than my mouth.
It is the only logical conclusion.
In your own way,
you are as stubborn
as another captain of the enterprise I once knew,
Live long and prosper.
Computer?
Just curious.
How was I supposed to beat it?
The Kobayashi Maru is a no win scenario
designed to test how one reacts to a hopeless situation.
Almost had it.