Top 10 BASSASS Quotes from SPARTANS
10.
“What Splendid Women’s Quarters”
Context: King Agesilaus, upon being shown the huge defensive walls of a neighboring
city
King Agesilaus was a Spartan king who ruled the state for 40 years.
Though he was described as a small man of unimpressive stature, Agesilaus was a fierce
warrior in his youth.
This meant by the time he became King in his forties, he was already well known for his
courage and bravery.
As such, he commanded a great deal of respect from his peers throughout his reign.
Like most Spartans, Agesilaus wasn’t a fan of walls made of brick and stone, believing
that a city was defended by its men, not its fortifications.
The above quote came from Agesilaus after an unnamed leader from a friendly city proudly
showed the Spartan king his city’s impressive fortifications.
You can almost picture the smug look on the guy’s slowly fading as King Agesilaus sarcastically
praised his giant walls.
What was even better though, was Agesilaus’ response when people would inevitably ask
him where Sparta’s walls were.
Whenever that question came up, Agesilaus had a doozy of a comeback locked and loaded
…
9.
“These Are Sparta’s Walls”
Context: King Agesilaus, while pointing to his own men
To quote Lycurgus, legendary lawgiver of Sparta, “A city is well-fortified which has a wall
of men instead of brick”.
According to the book “On Sparta” by Greek historian Plutarch, “These are Sparta’s
walls” was King Agesilaus’ stock response to anyone who questioned why Sparta lacked
fortifications of any kind.
Sometimes however, King Agesilaus didn’t need to say anything.
For example, some sources suggest that, in order to save his breath, Agesilaus would
merely point at his men whenever anyone asked where Sparta’s walls were.
Which if we’re honest, is like the third-coolest thing a guy could do without involving tigers
or at least four explosions.
8.
“Come and Take Them”
Context: King Leonidas, upon being asked to lay down his arms
King Leonidas was the guy Gerard Butler played in 300.
And yes, this is an actual quote from the man, not an invention of Hollywood.
After all, a true the Spartan didn’t need a ghostwriter.
According to the historical text “Apophthegmata Laconica,” Leonidas actually said “Molon
Labe” upon being told to surrender his weapons by King Xerses.
“Come and take them” is a fairly accurate translation, which is fine because translating
the quote exactly would probably cause the poor interpreter to catch on fire.
7.
“If”
Context: Spartan reply to King Philip of Macedon
The above quote is possibly one of the single greatest uses of language ever recorded.
Around 350 BC, King Philip II of Macedon started invading the crap out of Greece.
After he had several key footholds under his command, Philip decided to start putting pressure
on Sparta, and sent them the following threatening message: “If I win this war, you will be
slaves forever.”
The Spartan’s sent back a single word in reply: “if”.
The message was clear: stay the hell away from Sparta.
Which he did — although Philip sacked most of Greece, he never once set foot in Sparta,
and never bothered them again, except for that other time he totally did.
6.
“Neither”
Context: Spartan reply to King Philip of Macedon (again)
Yep, after punting a bee’s nest and avoiding being stung once, King Philip decided to try
his luck against the Spartans a second time, this time after coating himself in honey and
bee pheromones.
When King Philip was expanding his empire across Greece, he sent a letter to the current
Spartan king, asking if he wanted him to enter his lands as a friend or a foe.
The only response Philip ever received was yet another single-word reply: “Neither.”
5.
“With It or On It!”
Context: Common Spartan saying
Unlike the other entries on this list, this quote isn’t attributed to a single person,
but we’re including it anyway to show just how ingrained “not being a freaking coward”
was in Spartan society.
“Come back with your shield – or on it” was noted by our friend Plutarch as being
the way Spartan mothers would bid their sons goodbye when they went off to war.
The quote basically meant that Mommy Dearest expected their son to come back victorious,
or dead.
Mothers were so stone-faced about the whole “having their children die in battle”
thing, that one responded to news that her son had been killed was to very matter-of-factly
state, “Then his brother can take his place”.
Another Spartan mother greeted her deserter son by pointing at her vagina and threatening
to un-birth him.
Seriously.
The most important part of the quote is the part about the shield.
You see, losing your shield was seen as the ultimate act of failure in Spartan society,
because your shield not only protected you, but the man next to you.
Spartans who lost their shield in battle were expected to recover it, or die trying.
Those who didn’t were labelled deserters, and even their own mothers would disown them.
4.
“It Will Be the Size of a Lion When I Bore Down On My Enemies.”
Context: An unnamed Spartan soldier when asked why he’d drawn a fly on his shield, instead
of something more intimidating.
As you probably guessed from the above entry, Spartans really loved their shields.
Along with being a weapon and symbol of strength, shields were more often than not family treasures.
They were passed down from father to son, and it wasn’t uncommon for a soldier to
beat an enemy to death with same shield his grandfather had used.
It also wasn’t uncommon for Spartans to decorate their shield.
This served two purposes: it helped the individual Spartan be identified on the battlefield,
and it looked rad as hell.
One particularly amusing story concerns the shield of the Spartan fly.
An unnamed Spartan soldier spent many hours painting a life-sized fly onto his shield.
This annoyed his peers, who accused him of cowardice (because his enemies wouldn’t
be able to tell who he was) and of complete idiocy to boot.
The young Spartan then stunned his peers by explaining that the fly would be the size
of a giant when he smashed it into his enemies’ face.
3.
“Dig It Out For Yourselves”
Context: King Leonidas (again) after kicking a Persian down a well demanding a sacrifice
of earth and water.
Although 300 was fairly accurate with the quotes it took from real life, it sadly omitted
this firecracker in favor of “This.
Is.
SPARTA!”
While that line is as boss as any other, it lacks the sarcasm and wit of what Leonidas
actually said.
As far as most historians can tell, the scene played out pretty much the same way as it
did in the film, save for the final line.
A Persian messenger came to Sparta and demanded a payment of earth and water from King Leonidas,
a customary symbol of surrender.
King Leonidas responded with, “dig it out for yourselves,” before throwing the messenger
down a well.
2.
“So That We May Get Close to the Enemy”
Context: An unnamed Spartan, after being asked why Spartans fought with short swords
Though a Spartan could easily reduce a human skull to powder with a single blow from their
shield, their default weapon of choice for close combat was a short sword known as the
xiphos.
Never ones to pass up a chance to lay the verbal smack down on someone, the Spartans
turned even this fairly inconsequential matter into an opportunity to prove how cool and
collected they were.
1.
“Because We are Also the Only Ones Who Give Birth to Men”
Context: Gorgo, Queen of Sparta, explaining why Spartan women were allowed to rule men
Queen Gorgo was the wife of Leonidas, and we’ve chosen her quote above all other simply
because of its historical context.
At the time she spoke it, women were second-class citizens just about everywhere, except in
Sparta.
In contrast to the other women of Greece, Spartan women were treated reasonably well,
and enjoyed a much greater level of freedom than their peers could ever expect.
Unlike in 300, where Gorgo says a variation on the above line to the Persian messenger
Leonidas later kicks down a well, the real quote wasn’t directed at a man, but rather
another woman.
The legend goes that, while travelling through Attica, a local woman approached Queen Gorgo
and innocently asked her, “Why are you Spartan women the only ones who can rule men?”
Unlike the line spoken by her movie counterpart, Gorgo’s response wasn’t a venomous sneer
aimed at a man to make herself seem like a more powerful leader, it was a very matter-of-fact
statement that all women are fit to lead men because they’re the ones who give birth
to them in the first place.