- If you were alone in a room
with someone who's taken a life, what would you ask?
(mellow music)
- What's your name?
- Oh, my name's Simon.
- Hi, Simon. How are you?
- Nice to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you, too.
- What exactly happened?
- When I was 19, I got behind the wheel while intoxicated.
- What were you thinking?
- I didn't have an opportunity to think.
It was just an, "Oh, (beep)" moment,
and then two of my friends passed away in my car.
- Was it the first time you drunk drove?
- It was not. I was 19 at the time.
I mean, I didn't do it every single day or every weekend,
but I think I did it maybe five or six times.
- What did you get convicted with?
- Aggravated DUI.
The aggravated DUI held more time,
so they dropped the reckless homicide,
just so I got more time.
- Do you feel like the DA treated you fairly?
- I just vividly remember the DA kind of trying
to paint a picture of you intentionally wanting
to get behind the wheel when, you know,
you never would've even contemplated it
if that was a possibility that, you know,
you would've entered the car.
- What is your relationship like with your parents?
How did they handle what happened?
And kind of what was their reaction to it?
- My dad's always just been there for me.
He's always been very supportive of anything I did.
I mean, he's forgiven me, even if he was even mad at me.
That was the second time I actually heard my dad cry.
The first time was when my mom passed.
And the second time was over the phone
when I told him that I was at the hospital
and that two my friends passed away.
But he's always been there for me,
and that's somebody I could always go to,
regardless of anything.
- Are there still people in that community that you keep
in touch with today that you're close to?
- A lot of people just kind of wrote me off
after I got out of prison
'cause I spent eight and a half years in the pen,
and all the childhood friends that I did have,
they never spoke to me again.
And they kind of, I guess, just had a bad taste
in their mouths just about what I did,
and I guess they didn't wanna associate me with them,
which is perfectly fine.
I totally understand it.
The only person I spoke to was my dad.
- I hope I don't sound rude when I ask this, but like-
- Nah, just be open.
- Do you consider yourself a killer?
- Do I consider myself a killer?
Society's definition of a killer,
I mean, is it premeditative?
Is it something you wanted to do?
If I could answer you, all I could tell you
is I never meant to do it,
and if I could change my life to theirs,
I'd do it over and over again.
- Understood. Sorry, again, if I-
- No, no, no. It's all good, man.
- Thank you.
- What would you think then after I answer like that?
Am I a killer?
- No, of course not.
- [Interviewer] What passed most of your time in prison?
- Probably staring at a wall.
There's not much you can do unless you actually have a job
that requires you to go outside your cell,
which eventually I did become a cook,
and that was big for me 'cause it gave me routine.
It gave me structure.
There was a long time while I was in there that, you know,
you just didn't see any point of going further
because of the whole incident and just waking up with that.
- Do you see yourself ever driving again?
- That's on my bucket list.
Just kind of to get my license back
and be able to drive, period.
Even if I don't drive any.
Just having that, it means something to me.
I do get, sometimes, a very anxious type
of feel when I'm a passenger
and when somebody brakes hard or something.
You kind of just feel almost a roller coaster type
of feeling, and it makes me just feel a little bit anxiety.
But as far as driving, I mean, I don't know yet.
- Have you ever dream about that accident?
- I have a reoccurring dream that I'm in a vehicle,
and I can't stop it.
And it's just an anxiety-driven type of deal.
It's kind of like the flashback to being in the car
and then, you know, getting to the accident itself.
- I'm an alcoholic.
I've been sober for three years but my last...
I've had a couple DUIs.
My last DUI I had was in an accident.
Thank God no one was hurt, but-
- Unfortunately, in today's society,
you have to experience something
to truly grasp the effect it could have on you.
- Right, how's your mental health been since it's happened?
How are you?
- It's hard.
As far as thinking you could have some type
of normality in your life, just not a thing.
I thought when I got locked up after I'd get out,
just being free.
That would be, I guess, the key to finding contentness
with who you are.
But I mean, there's weeks
that I just just don't wanna do anything.
There's days where you just contemplate
your own life in general.
It's a wake-up call.
It's a whole different reality that you have
to set yourself to live.
- What gets you up in the morning?
What do you do to kind of get out of those kind of funks?
- The biggest things that helped me,
just realizing that you do have a second chance
and people don't-
Some people didn't get a second chance from this.
- Have you seeked out any sources to help you process this?
- I had a pretty rough time for a while,
and I tried therapy.
I don't know if it was the wrong therapist or what,
but it just felt like a chore.
It felt like just talking to somebody
that can't really give you an insight
that you haven't experienced or thought about on your own.
- I think that, myself, I would-
Probably my whole outlook on life would change
after something like this happened to me.
How has it affected your philosophies?
'Cause to me, it seems like you've come out
of this a stronger person.
- It definitely shaped who I am,
and it wasn't about until, like, three to four years in
before I kind of accepted my reality.
I met a Buddhist in prison.
He was in there, ironically, for murder,
but he didn't kill anybody.
I just studied a lot of different aspects
and perspectives that I felt could, I guess,
help me find peace with Buddhism, meditation, even yoga.
And I just kind of compiled that
into something that allowed me to find some type of peace.
- That's beautiful.
I mean, for me, I had a lot of anxiety back in college
and that pressure allowed me to discover peace for myself.
But I also sometimes feel like if it weren't for the tragedy
or the anxiety that we have in our earlier life,
we may not ever be able to overcome that
and become the stronger person.
So I just feel like it's beautiful to hear
that somebody who's had such a tragic experience can come
out on the other end,
finding the hope and the peace that you have.
That's really beautiful to hear.
- Yeah, one thing with society
that I've noticed ever since I got out,
everybody's very oriented on comparing themselves to others.
It seems like anxiety is on a whole 'nother level,
like you're not good enough.
But a lot of people are just lost in the sauce,
I guess you can say,
and haven't been humble to a point where they realize
what's really important and what's not
because tomorrow's not promised.
- Have you had alcohol since the incident?
- I've had alcohol. I've not gotten drunk.
I don't like going out. I don't like drinking.
I haven't done drugs in, I don't know, 10 years.
I feel like staying sober is-
That's what my life is going to be
'cause I just, I wouldn't be happy
if I were to get drunk or get messed up.
It would just maybe bring back a lot of anxiety
or a lot of pain,
just kind of disregarding what you did because of drinking.
- What's one positive things you learned from that accident,
if there's any?
- I mean, everything has a consequence.
So when you do something, even if you deem it small,
you just gotta kind of take a step back
if you're about to do something stupid
and realize that, you know, you could not only
be affecting yourself, but other people.
I mean, I was dumb. I was stupid. I was young.
You know, I feel like you have a curtain in front
of your head at that age.
I was 19. A lot of people do, rather.
But speaking for myself,
you don't think past tomorrow or the next week.
You're just in the now.
And you know, it was just
the whole college partying-oriented lifestyle.
I mean, the person I was back then, I was a child.
- It sounds you weren't even present in your own life.
- I feel like a lot of people are
in that type of predicament.
- Yeah.
- I work in law enforcement.
I'm a police officer here in LA County.
Usually 12 to 4 o'clock is when you get your drunk drivers.
Certain crimes, we do have discretion on whether
or not we're going to arrest someone.
I don't exercise my discretion.
For me, it's one of those things where it's like,
you're lucky that I stopped you before-
- Do you let them off?
- I'm gonna be honest with you,
I've probably let off one or two people.
- I feel like it's better
to give people that initiation shock of what you're doing.
Letting them off, I mean, that's just, you know,
it's downplaying, and it's not giving them
that realization like,
"Oh, (beep). I could just do this and get off."
- No. Yeah, and I totally agree.
I mean, but so everything's case-by-case, man.
'Cause I mean, you get those people
that you genuinely feel for,
and they're either going through something traumatic
and they made a mistake.
Or you have those people that are just ignorant
and they think that, "Okay, I live five minutes away.
This five minute drive isn't gonna-
Nothing's gonna happen in between that time," you know?
- I mean, me, personally,
I don't think there's a justification, right?
It's kind of just comparing apples to oranges.
- No, for sure. But I mean, it's-
- You just never know whose life you can save by,
you know, giving somebody that DUI
and just kind of opening their mind.
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.
- Do you feel that the punishment fit the crime in a sense?
- I've never even looked at it in that way.
Just the overall incident itself,
it's something that never will go away.
- [Officer] Oh, for sure.
- That's kind of like...
- Have you forgive yourself yet?
If so, how long does it take you?
- I mean, that's just an everyday type of struggle.
I don't really know when people ask,
"Have you forgiven yourself?"
It could have so many meanings.
There's certain days where I wake up all right.
There's other days where I wake up just, you know,
feeling like you wanted to be one
of the passengers instead of being the one alive.
(relaxing music)
- I'd give you a hug right now if I could.
- Appreciate it.
- [Cop] What up?
- Nice to meet.
- Yeah, good to meet you.
- Hi!
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, man.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
- Can I follow your Twitter?
- Absolutely, man.
- Nice to meet you.
- Can I give you a hug?
- Sure, you can.
- Thank you.