Hey guys welcome back, thanks for joining me this week so in this week's video. I wanted to I was thinking about a topic that
We all could really benefit from so in this video. I wanted to talk about
Responding versus reacting and this is so so important towards maintaining your own vibration
towards living a great life
towards being able to protect yourself from
Abusive people like I always say like creating that bubble around you that whenever someone is a narcissistic abusive
Whatever comes at you you know their stuff just bounces right off
And it doesn't affect you so we've all come in contact with someone who is probably
Abusive or projecting their stuff on to us possibly narcissistic this could be friendship
Co-workers family members a romantic partner it doesn't matter
We've all been in a situation where we come in contact with someone who is just that button pusher
They're just abusive. They know exactly where your wounds are
They know exactly what to say you to kind of really cut you at your knees?
so we've probably all encountered this type of a person before and
most likely we were either taught or we saw by example how to
Respond to this type of person and usually it is getting really angry
You know getting emotionally charged and telling this person what they're doing is ridiculous that they're wrong etc etc
So I'm going to really challenge that way of handling the situation
Because when we come from a place of negativity when we stoop down to the other person's level
when we get emotionally charged because
we feel you know that what someone is saying is unfair or hurtful or wrong or
abusive or really whatever um
Nothing good comes of that and I know I might get a lot of comments coming from people that say
Absolutely you need to tell someone like that what they're doing is wrong, and they're ridiculous
And you have to stand up for yourself standing up for yourself is absolutely critical
and I'm not saying don't stand up for yourself when I'm
Is ultimately you have to stand up to yourself in a healthy way
Which is not taking on any of that person's?
Negativity so when someone comes at you whether it's a narcissistic person sociopath toxic person unhealthy
Emotionally abusive whatever and they say something that is ridiculous is a lie is
completely and utterly
hurtful, you know how do we handle ourselves in those situations so when we get emotionally charged really what we're
Doing is saying that what you said hurt me and of course it's gonna be hurtful that someone says something that is
You know really unnecessary
And it cuts us out our knees and it really just you know it causes us pain absolutely we're human beings
But we have to know how to be a healthy adult and how to handle that situation
So one of the things that you have to really understand in terms of this type of a situation or dynamic is
this person that's saying something that is completely hurtful or wrong, or is a lie or
Whatever, it's just it's really bothering you
They're doing it to be that button-pusher
So you have to really take a step back and recognize when people are doing certain behaviors
And that's why I talk a lot about emotional abuse because you know the tactics that an emotionally abusive
person will use are not things that are
Really black and white if someone's gaslighting you and you don't know what gaslighting is they're gonna win. They're kind of gasps
Let you if someone's projecting and you don't know what projection is and you don't know the person that you're dealing with
You're gonna take on that person's projection especially if you're coming from that you know insecure
Codependent place where you don't have a true sense of self. You don't know how to hold on to yourself
You don't have the self confidence in self-love within yourself to know that someone is actually
Projecting onto you then you're gonna take it and you're gonna be abused so that's why I always say you need to focus on yourself
first, but understanding that
What someone is doing to you as a reflection of themselves, and it has nothing to do with you no matter
How hurtful it is?
That what they're doing or what they're saying is it has
Nothing to do with you
You will stop taking on other people stop as if it was a personal attack
So it might seem like a personal attack. They might want to hurt you
They might say something that cuts you at your knees because they want to get to you, but really what they're doing is trying to
kind of release the pressure off of themselves
So it's that saying hurt people hurt people so someone that lashes out someone that says something. That's really hurtful
someone that does something that is completely uncalled for and
Ridiculous, then yes that person is suffering inside and that's something that you really have to understand when you're dealing with
These types of people when you understand this then you are able to take a step back and not take it
Personally, so it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. It just means that it's not a reflection of you
It's a reflection of that that person their own
insecurities their own wounds and it's a reflection of how they feel about themselves inside because anyone that is happy and
Healthy with themselves and loves themselves they don't want to hurt anyone
They don't say things that are button pushers. They don't say things to get a rise out of someone they
They just don't do those sort of things they don't need to feel that hi by bringing someone down to make themselves feel better
So that's something that's really important to understand
So we've established that hurt people hurt people that by someone saying something that is bought and pushing that's hurtful
that this is just their way of ultimately making themselves feel better because they have an emptiness a wound and
Insecurity a jealousy whatever it is inside of them
They have that negative energy inside of them, and they're looking to hurt others to really make themselves feel better
And I know that sounds completely sick and twisted, but that's the way
Abusive narcissistic unhappy unhealthy excuse me people live their lives is they need to get a high
They need to take the pressure off themselves
Because they don't know how to deal with themselves and in order to do that
They have to hurt someone else, so let's say we've established all that so now how do we deal with this interaction?
There's a few things and number one is if you're not at the space
Yourself or with this person where you can really master your emotions with this person where you can
completely you know be in front of them and have this conversation and they're saying these things and you can just
Not let it affect you whatsoever then you have to know when to leave this conversation or when to leave this
Interaction so this isn't about you know not standing up for yourself
This is actually
Harder to do than to just let your emotions take over and just react when you know an environment is unhealthy no matter what?
Someone else is saying to you that you can hold on to yourself and say you know what it's time for me to leave
That is self empowering that is taking care of yourself, and I know that's gonna be a lot of people that say absolutely not
That's a sign of weakness, and it's really not it's harder to walk away than it is to stay in
In that space and get emotionally involved with someone because ultimately that's what that person wants they want
To see that what they've done has affected you
That is where you know they ultimately are winning where they feel empowered now because they affected you especially someone
That's a narcissistic so when you know you're getting into our an environment with someone
And it's beginning to get heated look hang up the phone on them if you need to okay. I gotta go
I'll talk to you later. Bye, and oh I got to go someone's at the door
Bye, or you know just completely walking away and say okay?
I'm done with this conversation, and I'll speak to you at another time or whatever. It's just about arming yourself to say
I'm not engaging in this behavior, so if you can't respond if you know that you don't have the willpower
The energy the you know tools to know how to respond to this type of a person
Then you need to leave the situation completely that is still something powering and that allows you to keep yourself
Intact and to still not have let that person affect you they might say
Oh, you know see look you're running away because you can't handle it or whatever and that's totally fine
They can say that as long as you know that by you removing yourself that means that you know you're not
Allowing that emotion to come up whether that's anger whether that's tears whether that's any kind of
You know showing that person that they got to you you win, so all you need to say to that person is
I'm sorry you feel that way
But I'm not gonna be around someone who speaks to me in that way and that's really it
Short sweet to the point, and then you turn around go to the car. Go to the go inside a house. You know wherever
And feel whatever it is that you need to feel so if you need to release if you need to cry if you need to
Get angry, then as long as you're by yourself
Expressing those feelings and being with yourself and parenting yourself through those feelings
then ultimately you win the last thing that I want to go over is understand that when someone is a
Button-pusher when someone you're dealing with someone that's narcissistic
completely unhealthy
Emotionally abusive. They're going to say the things like I've said that are gonna. Cut you at your knees they know exactly
What you're vulnerable to?
So they know where your wounds are and they know exactly what to say to really kind of get to you so
You have to know where your wounds. Are you have to know?
What are the things that when someone says them to me?
They sting the most because if you don't know where your triggers are
Then it's going to be really hard for you to be able to respond to someone
It's going to be really hard for you
Not to get emotionally involved and just react to someone so when we're reacting that's because we don't know
Where our wounds are we don't know that we know that someone hurt us
But because we don't know what that wound is what that hurt feeling is and what it means to us
Then we can't really
Respond in a mature and healthy way because we haven't become familiar with our own wounds you have to really get to a place where
You know really learning how to love yourself is learning everything about yourself you have to know
The things that you're most vulnerable
To you have to know where everyone's are you have to know where your triggers are because that's the stuff?
That you have to parent yourself through so if my wound
Is you know feeling insecure not having self-confidence and someone says something to me
That's really hurtful in terms of you know maybe my physical appearance or whatever then I'm gonna take that on
But if I know where my wounds are and I know how to love myself through them
and I know how to parent myself through all that then you'll be able to not allow anyone to
Really affect you in that way, and it doesn't mean not being human of course if someone says something to us. That's really hurtful
It's gonna hurt us, but it's a matter of okay that hurt my feelings
But now let's parent myself through that feeling okay. Someone says something. That's really abusive is that true and that
moment of like believing that person and feeling that hurt feeling you have to have that inner dialogue with yourself you have to know that
you know number one that person's doing this just to hurt me and that it's not true and
Loving yourself through all of that, and if you don't know how to do any of that then you're gonna constantly be
Reacting to every one we want to get to a place where we're responding so we're basically stating our truth
We're setting our boundaries, and we're learning how to enforce our boundaries
This is more than just learning how to mask your emotions
This is more than learning how to disengage with someone
This is about learning how to armor yourself against abusive behavior, because it is going to happen in life
we are gonna come in contact with abusive people that's just
Unfortunately life, and you have to learn how to love yourself
When you're coming in contact with this type of person, and if you are insecure, and you just take on everyone stop
And you believe whatever hurtful thing someone says to you instead of recognizing
Okay, you actually said that because you yourself are really unhealthy and you're abusive and that's actually not true
Then when you can get to that place that is
Absolutely huge, and you'll be able to armor yourself and protect yourself
You'll know where your triggers are and you'll know how to love yourself through someone trying to ultimately hurt you purposely
So just to do a quick recap so number one
We have to know who our audience is who the people that we're dealing with and that hurt people hurt people
Under what someone is saying to you has nothing to do with you
This is just their way of trying to abuse you to make themselves feel better about their own
miserable existence that they're living in so by you learning how to
Respond versus reacting that means that they're staying stuck in that miserable place
They're not you know projecting that negativity onto you and you're not taking it
It's creating that bubble like I said number two understanding where your wounds. Are you have to act you have to know?
one of the things that trigger you in life number three learning how to mask your emotions so that means either
disengaging and walking away when you know that you're getting charged up that you're feeling that anger come forward and
not allowing that person to see that they basically got a rise out of you and
learning when to you know tell someone what you think and how you feel set that boundary and enforce that boundary, so
Maybe the boundary is hey when you speak to me this way
I leave
Because I'm not dealing with us and doing it every single time so here comes the abusive behavior here comes the hurtful stuff
Okay, well now you're just being hurtful and now I'm leaving and you're disengaging you have to treat these people like children
Ultimately this person is being a child and you have to be able to recognize that unhealthy behavior and walking away
when you know a grown person
Should not behaving in this way and that you're not gonna tolerate it and then number four learning how to love yourself
Through someone hurting you in this way, so we're human beings and at times it's gonna
Be really painful and hurtful that someone is saying something that
you know
It caught you at your knees and hurt you it affected you like you're a human being and you have to be able to learn
how to love yourself through that you have to be able to take a step back
See the bigger picture and know that yes, while that hurt that had nothing to do with me
And it's not true and really loving yourself through all of this and the more you do this stuff the more your confidence will increase
excuse me increase and the more you're showing a narcissistic person a
toxic person a mostly emotionally abusive person that you're not tolerating this type of behavior
So when you become abusive and you start pushing these buttons?
Not reacting to them. I'm just gonna respond and responding either means saying whatever it is
I want to say in a common healthy way and setting a boundary or it means leaving
So I hope that this has helped you guys out there if you have any questions
Please let me know and I will see you next week