So there's a couple of things you should know
about this video before we begin
First of all I have changed up the backdrop.
You can now see some wonderful little cacti
chillin' out. I managed to kill
one of my plants so I got some new guys, up here.
Second of all, I am perched super precariously
on the edge of my bed so I could get this exact angle
I sat here for a good five minutes and re-adjusted the camera until
I got to a place where I thought, yep, I like this.
The set up, not this.
My friend Lena is mid-way through her 40 days
of 40 videos for Lent.
And she recently spoke about "Am I a role model"
But also, how, within that, how youtube is a kind of
fake-real authenticity discussion.
And part of being a role model is acknowledging
that you are one and are not one at the same time
and you are presenting something, so your
performative self is a role model. It was really interesting!
I would highly recommend watching it. I will link it below.
And yeah, today was a perfect example of me doing just that.
Sitting down, rearranging, readjusting
Creating an atmosphere and a space
for my words so they resonate more.
I love deconstructing youtube at the moment.
You'll notice a theme in this VEDA that
I have been thinking a lot about the platform and how we use it
and how we interact on it 'cause
it is such a fascinating microcosm.
So to start with. Am I a role model?
The short answer to that is 'yes'.
I am a role model and I am fully aware of it.
And I know that because I've been told it numerous times
by numerous people who consider me
a role model.
And I've been told it for many, many years.
Probably since I was about 18.
Which, if you can imagine,
is terrifying to an 18-year-old.
Do I think of myself as a role model? Yes, I do.
That's partially why I present certain types of content
that I do, like advice videos.
Sorry. This aesthetic right now is unreal.
Like, with the mug as well. Oh my god.
Shame about the hair, but we're working on it.
Do I feel like me, within myself, is a good role model?
Arguably, no.
Because I'm sure you can understand, I am a complex multifaceted human
who does not always do the right thing.
And I think almost after making that alcohol video
I realized quite how much of my honesty
was now going to be scrutinized
and so I kind of, held back more
and became more of, more mainstream almost
to kind of, and more polished,
to hide away from the fact that I
had suddenly become a very complex individual online
But also,
was going to be scrutinized forever because
of that.
Sorry this is definitely going to go off topic
and we are definitely going to have some
interesting tangents.
There's been a really interesting trend over the past couple
of months, I'd say.
Of people making more down-to-earth, honest
honest videos. And people making more alcohol
videos, actually which I've noticed.
I think it's great that people are talking about that by the way.
Um, be my absolute guest to talk about alcohol online.
People have realized that it's very marketable
to be real and be authentic.
Like that is coming back. And that used
to be presented in the fact that people would put less effort
into their videos, I think.
and would do easy, relatable challenges
to get big and do uh, kind of, games
play games, because the relatable element of it
was their friendship with a person.
Their interactions with them, and
the entertainment side of it.
And being just a normal everyday guy
that wants to just hang out with their friends.
But now, people have noticed that it becomes
it's become more popular to be relatable
through being honest and being emotionally
relatable, like on a deeper level.
Um, which is something that a couple of us were already doing
Like me and Dodie
We chat about our feelings and that's chill.
But I've noticed so much more
of this kind of open, honest, video from channels
that don't necessarily do that.
Do I think it's a problem? No.
Do I think they're being good role models by doing it?
Yes.
Do I think they'd be doing it if it wasn't
currently getting people views? No.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
Back onto the topic. I am a role model.
When I made the alcohol video I began to
distance myself and my, kind of, online persona
and I've noticed it more and more.
And that's because partially I've been realizing
that this is in someways a contrived platform
And I'm trying to be as honest and authentic on it as possible
to combat that.
But also, I can't give everything now
because I've dug myself into a bit of a hole
with the alcohol stuff
I can't, then, have people invest in my
relationship with alcohol
um, so, I over compensated for a bit of time
by being more performative, more
more structured and more mainstream.
To kind of distance me
and my personal struggles and my life
from the me that I present online
But, recently,
I've been like, fuck that.
I don't want to be a lifestyle channel
There's a lot of talk about separating work and your personal life
and I think I'm being to accept that you can't separate youtube
from your personal life.
Youtube in the way that I do youtube
is a lot of my personal life.
My personality is the role model
Is the thing that I market to brands
Oh god, that's disgusting when you say it
out loud.
Putting videos online and what I put
in those videos is a part of me.
I'm sorry, this is going to be...I've started my period
So I'm a little bit everywhere, I've had ibuprofen
and coffee and I'm just like what's happening?
It's just a very strange dynamic.
To be a performer of yourself
And be told you're a role model
But obviously not personally associating with that
'cause you know your full, full self.
watched Lena's video back. Had a couple more thoughts.
Basically, I'm pretty sure that we know
collectively we've established that
Um, you see me at my best when
I'm kind of performing myself and I get to curate
myself in some way.
You are only seeing their best bits,
you're seeing their showreel, their portfolio
But you know they make mistakes.
And you know their multi-faceted, and so you
accept that and still look up to them
and take their best bits
and, like, aspire to be the best bits.
Also I've now got J. Cole in my head.
"Ain't no role models and I'm here right now"
Can you tell why I'm not a rapper?
And Lena concludes that while she's not perfect
she's also not lying.
And that's exactly, that's me.
that's what's happening.
Thank you for watching! This is
first day of VEDA
um I'm going to be doing a lot
more chats, a lot more music
um it's going to be a real interesting
month, I think.
Housekeeping, I'm also going on tour with Hannah
There will be a link in the description where
you can buy tickets. London is sold out,
Birmingham and Manchester are still available
we are doing, like, a full performance
kind of, I think it's going to be really good.
To promote her book, 'Doing It'.
Which is in stores, maybe now,
I think it might be out.
No, no, it's out on Wednesday.
So, look in Waterstones on Wednesday, and go
and go and pick up the book.
So this was the first, dysfunctional VEDA
we will find out if I improve.
And I start bullet pointing my videos
Um so, thanks for watching
I will see you in my next video.