What's up, my wonderful weirdos? We good? We chillin'? We fancy a bit of G2?
A little bit of gnarly 90's naffness as a totally tubular treat? Alright, go on then.
But only if you promise not to have a cow.
So yes, Transformers Generation 2 has been enjoying a spot of mild limelight recently,
what with Legacy Laser Prime and a handsome handful of Gen Selects repaints,
which is great, obviously. This channel loves G2, but I gotta say, I don't like how y'all talk about it.
It wasn't all neon sugar-rush recolours, y'know!
It's like all anybody wants to talk about is constipated Sideswipe with a day-glo Nerf cannon
or luminous yellow Bruticus in opposite camouflage that actively increases his visibility!
Let's all make THAT joke.
I feel like G2 only ever gets brought up if there's already a pre-existing hot-seller G1 figure to dunk in some Nickelodeon gunk.
Why's it always gotta come back to G1 But Wacky? Why do we not celebrate the creativity that was kickin' off in those years?
Where are the actual Gen 2 characters with their bonkers names and horrible scrunched faces?
Where are the gimmicks, man!? Where's the water guns and the barely-integrated funfair tat
and the mangled voice chips and the heat-sensitive colour changing that only worked for ten days in 1994?
This is tackiness erasure! Why do the things we value in toys today -
detail, articulation, screen accuracy - why does that preclude the notion of fun-focused action features?
Isn't one of our main mantras "dare to be stupid"?
So today, in an internet first, I'd like to take a minute to show you some silly little toys.
Yes indeed! Fresh from the naff box, these four dudes are the Transformers Generation 2 Auto Rollers.
Or are they? We'll get into that.
But basically yes.
Now, this family of four nominally-Gen 2 numpties are pretty much an infinitely endearing automorph experiment
based around a single motion-activated transformation mechanic that I like to call the Difficult Nineties Pushformer Doot-de-Doo
which each of them fully committing to the bit and working it into their own unique alt-mode and signature style
at the cost of almost all functionality - and THAT's G2.
Look, we got a play feature to push. Who needs a waist swivel? Who needs a leg?
So let's firstly huck some hype at the mainstream green team of Roadblock and Dirtbag!
Now, these burly builder bros are givin' mad soft reboot Constructicon vibes
blastin' brutalist beef box beauty like the baddest bros in the borough!
And like, d'you know what I mean? They're clearly cut from the same colossal cloth
with a similar core robo form stacked atop their entire alt mode ass end,
some truly all-timer almighty light piping, and a sort of unified vibe that still allows room for ample individuality.
We got Roadblock rockin' this fierce frontloader look, with this huge diggy-scoop body bulge and mega motor shoulders,
while Dirtbag's lookin' perhaps slightly sloppier, with an oddly unsubstantial hood-chest, baggy flatbed shoulders and clumsy kibble.
But they're definitely a towering tough-guy tag team and believe me when I say they are brimming with gimmicks!
They are brimmicks.
Like, they're packing some ferocious fingerbang firepower with these oversized barbed rockets,
Dirt Reynolds has got this weird back-and-forth slap-clamp-me-do,
while Block Hudson's bringin' the buzz with built-in circular saw stylissimo!
I seriously high-key love that they've got no normal hands between 'em.
They've traded out every possible digit for silly Robot Wars bullshit.
A bit like my bank account. Whayyy!
And that's it! They're literally just big, heavy, dense dickheads who know what they're about and they're very slowly gonna get ya.
So as loud and proud gimmick-led one-step automorphers, these thugaroos are all about the push-along self-conversion!
You pretty much just tidy them up a bit and let the mechanism do the work
or at least you USED to, until Roadblock decided to give up the ghost ten minutes before I started filming.
Ooh, I know! I'll remain in perfect working order for nearly three decades and then unexpectedly pack up right when Thew needs me.
Yeah, thanks mate.
Regardless though, the alt-modes are some crackin' construction crew creeps,
flauntin' their full-bodied forms for all they're worth with satisfyingly sharp angles, matching amber cabins, and honkin' Tonka chonk!
Baggie Thatcher's even got a little TFORM hood emblem that you're definitely supposed to misread as Tonka.
And like, lads! How you gonna one-step so convincingly? How are these vehicles so perfect!?
They don't even look like they MIGHT be robots, except for a tiny toe-peek deep in the undercarriage, if you're gonna be a wiener about it.
So yes, Roadblock's bot mode bottom-load mono-stomp pops so hot as a robot badonkadonk.
Love the little bonus funnel and his 'n' hers hazard stripes.
Gotta say, big Block Rodgers here was definitely first in the queue for vehicle gimmicks, with this neat twin-hinged tip'n'flip scoop da woop,
while Dirty B's got nothing, actually. You want a dump truck to be able to tip its bed, right? But nah. Stoic as shit.
I mean, you can put stuff on it, but you can put stuff on anything. That's not a gimmick, is it? being under stuff?
But like, what gets me is that both boys DO have weapon storage for the freaky spiky echidna dick missiles,
but even that doesn't utilise the bed. They like, tab onto the front lip instead and hang weirdly over it.
I mean, at least his automorph works. But look, they didn't come here to make sense, alright?
They're here to speak in rhyme the entire time and listen to Iron Maiden, baby.
They work as the thing they are, they do the thing they do, that's their style, that's what's up, and THAT is G2.
Anyway, this pair were the only two Auto Rollers that actually made it out before the entire G2 toyline was shitcanned,
presumably for being so flawless and so overwhelmingly successful that they HAD to stop to make it fair on the rest of the toy market -
- let's go with that -
leaving the second wave of Auto Roller designs to languish in a drawer for a full three years
until they finally dropped in Beast Wars 2 - or rather Beast Wars Second - or BWII -
which found itself becoming home to a glut of decidedly machiney mechafolks repurposed as the world's least Predacony Predacons.
Like, I kinda thought the Predacons' whole deal was that they were animals?
The awesome animals, like, the cold-blooded - the invertebrates, the reptiles, the dinosaurs,
and apparently that extends to just robots, too? Alright. I mean, whatever. Do your thing, boys.
You get that angry moist energy.
So won't somebody say 'sup to the awkwardly-monickered Autolauncher and Autojetter,
bargin' into the Beast Era with their own variations on the vibe as an obese APC and a janky jet jerk!
Now, as toys, as objects, these are very much just the same base mechanism dressed up in different vehicle theming
with precisely one additional play feature and a whole heapin' hundredweight of unique innate charisma!
Like, I am deliriously defenceless against the colossal charm levels on Jet "The Hitman" Hart here!
Like, yes, it's clumsy. Yes, it has a mono-leg and triple-launchers instead of hands, and most of its alt-mode chillin' against its back,
but that's kinda why it's good! Have we learned nothing!?
There's just so much legit Transformer energy here - the superb Starscreamy chest, the mean techno-shoulders,
the intense Energon light piping in that dope-ass flight helmet head design -
there's brilliance among the boxiness!
It's like the perfect blend of Slick Cyber Sky Assassin and Barely-Mobile 70s Housework Droid.
And with one easy diagonal collapse - title of my memoir -
Jeta Garbo glides into a surprisingly clean jet mode for a gimmicky goon!
Just gorgeous form, immaculate silhouette, sick real-world military colours and that bright green canopy, like a bonus globule of nineties.
Ooohhh, landing gear. Ooohhhh, rubsign! Tickle that pred head.
Might be a little undercarriagey perhaps but we can deal,
and it maybe looks a bit much with six missiles all up in your eyeline, but hey man. Have you HEARD of G2? Six is conservative.
And like, I don't know if it's jus 'cos these second war wazzocks are newer, but the mechanisms feel way more robust!
The switches feel stronger, the action's easier - they're just effective and efficient and pleasing.
I feel respected. I feel safe as an audience member.
But gang, you cannot be ready for the cubist calamity that is Autolauncher!
Just the pinnacle of fatass fabulosity. I don't think I've ever seen a robot mode that gave fewer f**ks.
He is ALL tit. Like, he's practically as long as he is tall.
Doesn't he kinda look diagonally slashed? Like he lost a swordfight in an anime?
But beyond the immediate visual hilarity, it's actually a pretty decent robot.
Like, it's got some rad late-wave legitimacy and fully-formed Transformery features
with an extremely Headmastery head, token decorative trousers, and like, actual hands!? Steady on!
He's also the only Auto Roller that comes with an actual gun, so naturally I ain't got it.
Sorry. Got him loose. It wasn't in there. What you gonna do? He can hold one of these like a club.
There. Animated Snarl vibes.
But like, who needs a weapon? He is a weapon!
Like, this whole front chunk here is actually a top-loading pizza cannon - which we'll get to -
plus he's got articulated head howitzers and shoulder shooties - he's good. He's covered.
Shoutout once again to the light piping, which is top-down only but still manages to be stunning!
Dunno if I love this big obstructy head hood, but it does give him like a Star Sabre vibe, right?
And I gotta note this little antenna here, which gets just about enough clearance from the huge bod slab!
I love that something this lumpy still manages to be subtle somehow!
But I remain convinced that this is the ultimate example of Auto Roller technology, because damn can it roll, and God damn can it auto!
Those wheels are smooth as a salamander and you will NOT stop it transforming!
Ohhh, gosh!
Like, even when you lock it into neutral, it still kinda wants to go. He cannot be controlled!
And this APC mode is such a sumptuous Subway sandwich of stupid,
thumpin' on up like the dumpiest clump of lumpen chump! I'm just utterly enamoured by how graceless it is.
Like, Autojetter was so sleek, it makes Dirtbag and Roadblock look so clean -
Autolauncher is just unhinged brute force thiccitude
with this strange nonplussed pareidolia frog face, like a friggin' theoretical Transtech Spittor
and of course, the only visible kibble on the team!
He's the only one on the team to actually have hands, and he's too stoked about it to even hide 'em.
Love the baby radar array and this uncharacteristically sensible weapon storage!
Like, we ain't settling for tenuous clip-on nubs or a cheeky underside stash here -
this king is packin' a whole-ass car boot that fully opens and closes to accommodate that hand-held launcher that I ain't got
so i guess we could just fill it up with like, Ikea carrier bags and antifreeze.
Anyway, y'all wanna check out a second excellent push power gimmick?
So you simply flick the switch to activate the front axle, give it a careful cruise across the counter,
and watch in horror as it starts projectile barfing LPs!
That's so wild, man! It's so joyfully unorthodox and mechanically bombastic!
Every step of the process feels cool - you get to flick open this spring-loaded hatch
that has another hatch on it and a rubsign on the inside(!)
then stack the discs back up in there and let it thwack itself closed.
Man, what a weird selling point. Oh yeah, you should totally get a BWII Autolauncher, it's really fun to reload. What?
I dunno, man. Auto Von Bismarck here has just become one of my favourite things in the world.
Just this obscure, oddly-formed, all-charm, all-chonk, all-action duncebox!
The dumbest of a dumb bunch.
Same.
And that's all of 'em. That's where the Auto Rollers ended!
They never really showed up again and only left the most pathetic legacy -
like, they were gonna do an Optimus Prime and a Hound version but it didn't look like them and it never really happened,
Roadblock's had a couple of pastiches here and there,
and I'd like to think Autojetter had some vague movieverse influence on like, Breakaway, or the '07 Seeker toy's triple finger missile situation
but I feel like the Auto Roller idea kinda goes beyond specific character homages and that.
'Cos they easily could have made a whole dedicated toyline of Auto Rollers!
It's a neat enough and kid-friendly enough idea that you could easily expand it, right?
Do some sports cars, throw in some dinosaurs, but nah. Just the four.
And, I mean, it's not like one-step changers are a new thing or a weird thing!
They've always been around, and they show up all the time in the more kid-targeted end of the mainstream lines.
God, isn't it crazy to think there was a time when all Transformers were "kid-targeted"?
But what I mean is, they could've built a whole empire out of pushforming, but they didn't!
Somebody almost certainly has - can't be bothered to check - but THEY didn't.
So, for me, the Auto Rollers are everything that's good and pure about G2!
'Cos, honestly, there is a lot about G2 that does turn me off or weird me out. So much of it IS just normal-ass robots with big silly guns.
They literally repacked iconic, generation-defining toys like Jazz and Optimus Prime with sillier paint jobs and neon spring-loaded idiot blasters.
Not so much Robots With Gimmicks as Robots Alongside Gimmicks.
But the Auto Rollers are the opposite of that! Their gimmick defines them. It gives them form and function and a trademark distinctive appeal
rather than weighing them down or cheapening something that was already popular.
It's their baseline. They're built around it!
This is why Transformers: Generation 2 was good, actually.
There was room for something to just be something, and not everything had to be everything, or DO everything.
No, they can't do many poses. We've got Laser Rods for that.
No, you didn't see Dirtbag on TV, but Optimus Prime is available. See what I mean?
I think what I'm trying to say is that, in today's climate
where the Transformers image is so established and slick and managed and rehearsed
it can be easy to look back at some of the freaky stupid shit from the in-between era and be like, "what were they thinking!?"
Hey, man. At least they WERE thinking.
This is why you need an experimental phase. You might not nail every shot, or please all the people all the time,
but the act of accepting the possibility of failure allows you to embrace an idea and max out its potential!
The Auto Rollers are icons of self-fulfilment. They roll their own way. They literally Auto Roll!
They sort themselves out. They barely need you!
This is what they are. They can't not be this. They can't not do this. They ARE this!
And isn't that some pretty great energy to aspire to?
Like, I might not be perfect. I might be clumsy and inflexible, but I know what I'm for and I'm great at what I do.
So Auto Roll, baby! Do your ideas. Do something. Do it!
You never know when you're gonna get shitcanned, so do it! Do it for you. Take a risk. Post your cringe! Why not?
There are far worse ways to live than Auto Rolling.
So until next time, my name's Thew, and get me!
I just did a whole video about G2 without saying the word "dudicus".
Oh, fu
Ohhh, how was that? Weird? Weird enough? I could've gone weirder! Some of the shit I cut out of this episode, oh my God.
Anyway, big love to Andrew from Australia for hooking me up with Roadblock and Dirtbag
and huge love to this episode's special patron, David Knapper! Thank you mate!
Big love, TFUKcon. Come at me, Brum!
Be sure to subscribe for more Thew's Awesome Transformers Reviews.
Robocentric vocabugasm.