No matter what, you stick with your race. I don't know why I can't
have a Mexican friend.. He's in my cell, I don't know what the
fuck is going on, but Mexicans got on boots and I gotta figure
out what I'm supposed to do now.
Thank you, everybody.
On this show, here's what happens, it's just a bunch of
comics telling true stories and thatís all it is. Tonight it's
all about fights. Please give it up for Ali Siddiq, everybody.
Let him hear it.
My story is about prison, danger.
Seen it all, looks so menacing, you know? And I'm black so we
know it's going to be about crime. Let me tell you, prison
is an odd place because you do not know the rules. No matter
how many prison movies you watched and documentaries of
Locked Up, you still don't know the rules of what's gonna
happen. So I'm on my way to what they called
"necessities". Necessities is where, you know, your clothes,
your get your laundry and all that bullshit. So I'm walking to
Necessities and a dude just walks by and say, "Mexicans got
on boots." I'm like, "What the fuck does that mean?" 'Cause
it's like I've been in prison like the first day, whatchu
mean, "Mexicans got on boots?" Everybody got on fucking boots,
so I thought. Dude walk past, "Mexicans got on boots, Mexicans
got on boots." So I tell somebody else, "Mexicans got on
boots." Dude looks down, "Mexicans do got on boots" and
just takes off running. I'm like, "Was I supposed to run
'cause the Mexicans have on boots?" So I asked the old dude,
I said, "Hey, Mexicans got on boots." He's saying, "Alright,
they got on boots." I said, "What that mean?" He said, "it's
gonna be a riot." I said, "You pretty calm about a riot." I
said, "How you know Mexicans got on boots mean it's gonna have a
riot." He said, "Because Mexicans don't wear boots on the
wreck yard." I said, "Oh, okay, what they wear on the wreck
yard?" He said, "Sneakers, they play handball all the time." And
then you look and you see Mexicans over there playing
handball, but they got on boots. So I'm like, 'cause it
still don't comprehend. So get back to my cell I was like,
"Hey," to my celly, I said, "You Mexican. What Mexicans got on
boots mean?" He said, "It means we gonna riot, we gonna stab a
couple of black guys up." And I asked.. When
you're in prison, you asked dumbass questions, I'm like,
"Does the riot happen in here? Like in this cell? 'Cause me and
you just finished eating together, what're you mad at me
about? I don't know. But when you learn that you stick with
your race in prison, no matter what, you stick with your race.
I don't know why I can't have a Mexican friend.. He's in my
cell, I don't know what the fuck is going on, but Mexicans got on
boots and I gotta figure out what I'm supposed to do now.
And I still don't know, I gotta still ask people. Find a
black dude, I'm like, "Yo, so what I do now that Mexicans got
on boots?" He said, "You gotta find you a knife." I said, "I
gotta find a knife? You can't have no knife in prison." He
said, "You just got here, huh?" I said, "Yeah, I just got here."
He said, "Man, you gonna need to find a dude named Cece and get
you a knife." It's 3,000 people on this unit. How the fuck I'm
supposed to find Cece? I don't know. So I'm just
walking around, "Mexicans got on boots, Cece. Mexicans got on
boots, Cece." Dude say, "Hey, you looking for Cece?" I said,
"Yeah." "You must need a knife." I said, "Yeah." He said, "Why
you need a knife?" I said, "You ain't heard?" He said, "Nah, I
ain't heard shit I've been at work all day." "Mexicans got on
boots." He take off running. I take off running
after him only because he never told me where Cece was. I catch
him, he said, "Man, go on the wreck yard, Cece gonna be on the
wreck yard." I'm like, "I don't want to go on the wreck yard, I
just left the wreck yard, it's how I found out Mexicans had on
boots." So I'm sitting on the wreck yard looking around for
somebody who may look like a dude named Cece. So I'm
asking, I'm looking, I'm waiting, I'm saying, "Somebody
going to speak to Cece, got to." Dude walk by, "What up, Cece?" I
said, "Thatís who I'm looking forward right there." I see
Cece, I nod, he nods back. I say, "Can I come over there?" He
said, "Come on, young blood." I get over there, I said, "Hey
Cece, Mexicans got on boots." He said, "I heard." I say, "I need
a knife." He said, "Well, come to my cell in a couple of
minutes, I'll hook you up." I get to the cell. I
say, "Cece I need a knife." He said.. which shit turned
different. He said, "What type of knife?" I don't know I just
fucking got here. He said, "What type of knife you looking for?"
I said, "Something sharp, something to poke a motherfucker
with. I don't know." So he put up a towel and said, "Hold on,
let me show you some knives." He put up a towel, went
under his mattress, took some shit out, slipped some shit
back, and now it's eight knives in front of me. It's like I'm in
fucking Macy's. I'm like, "Yo." Like, "You know, what kind of
knife you want?" I said, "Well, you know, what kind of knife I
need for a riot? I ain't never been in a riot before." He said,
"Well you gonna need something you can stick multiple people
and it break off." I said, "Is that right here on the thing?"
He said, "No, these are personal knives. Whatchu want your knife
made out of?" I said, "There's too many fucking choices, man. I
just need a knife to protect myself." He said, "Well, god
damn it, listen to me, man. Do you want it made out of wood,
plastic, metal, or what?" I say, "Cece, listen to me, I don't
know because I've never been in a riot before. What's going to
protect me?" He said, "Fuck! New ass motherfucker."
Like it's wrong to be just getting to prison, I don't want
to be here from the beginning, so calling me "new" don't mean
shit to me. So I said, "So, man, what would you suggest?" He
said, "I suggest something personal, like a pin top." Pin
top? I don't want a fucking pin top knife. I want a real knife.
Something I can just get in there with. He said, "No, what
you get with a pin top is a knife with a pin, but you push a
nail through it and then you put the top on it and just have it
in your pocket so we could walk around with it." I
said, "That sounds pretty cool. Would that sustain with a riot?"
He said, "No, that ain't riot knives, that's just personal
walk around." I said, "Motherfucker, I need a knife
for the riot 'cause Mexicans got on boots." I said, "Man, how
much is a personal knife going to cost me?" "Two bags of
coffee, come back a little later on in the day." I said, "What if
the riot jumps off before I get the knife?" He said, "That ainít
my business, that's on you." I said, "Cool, Cece." So
I wait three or four hours and I knew he was working on my knife
because I was down the cell and I heard [inaudible] on the
ground. I said, "Yeah my knife gonna be sharper than a
motherfucker." Cause I'm hearing it, I'm hearing it. I'm like,
"Yeah, I can't wait." And I'm practicing in my cell how I'm
gonna use my knife.. practicing my shit. So then this
dude named Mitch say, "Hey, you getting your knife?" I say,
"Yeah, Cece working on my knife." He said, "What kind of
knife you get?" I said, "What the fuck is all the knife
questions?" I said, "I got me a nice, little knife, it's long. I
can hit two, three people." He said, "Man, you need more than
that." I said, "What I need now?" He said, "You need to know
about how to fight in the riot." I said, "How you fight in the
riot?" He said, "Mexicans got on boots, this is the reason why
they have on boots. So they can kick you in this fucking shin
while you're fighting. Boots are made out of metal; it's a metal
tip boot. So you got to do this.." This is Mitch
this is in my cell teaching me how to be in a riot. "Look,
first of all, when you get out there, stay close to the wall
'cause motherfuckers gonna be trying to stab you." I said,
"Thatís pretty much what a riot is." So he's like.. I got that
part off the top, that's why I'm getting the knife. Okay. So he
say, "Youíre going to have to do a rock and lean." I said, "What
the fuck is a rock and lean?" "Mexicans gonna come out there,
they're going to have their knives, you're going to have to
have your shirt off with your knife and when you do this
you're going to have to rock to see what foot the Mexican is
gonna kick you with." I said, "This is too much, this is too
much." It's like a fucked choreographed dance; I don't
know what the fuck he's doing. So I'm waiting to get
my knife, I'm in there fake rocking, trying to see what foot
gonna come up. How they do that when you ain't even in the
fucking riot yet, I don't know, but I'm out there practicing. I
go back to Cece, I say, "Yo, Cece, I gotta go to the wreck
yard, shit look like it's gonna get live, I need my knife." He
said, "Man, I just sold your knife." I said, "Man, what the
fuck, Cece? You said it was a personal knife for me; it cost
two bags of coffee. Why it's not fucking personal no more?" He
said, "Man, it was personal. Then the dude came in with three
bags of coffee and he made it business." I said, "So you sold
my knife?" He said, "Yeah, sold your knife." I said,
"The riot about to jump off." "Hey, man, do what you can do."
So, moral of the story how it end up, I fucking get cut cause
I ain't had a fucking knife and I forgot the rock. I'm out there
rocking with no knife. I've been practicing this shit for two
hours. Rock. I'm not getting kicked, but I'm getting cut. I
got cut down my side from a Mexican who didn't even have on
boots.